I have decided that seeing as we're not living in the dark ages, I shall be joining Al in a speech at our wedding. Maybe this will make old ladies point and gasp and say that I should "know my place" blah blah blah, ja, ja, you should also tone down the purple in your hair but we all accept that you're a bit heavy on the gensen violet and move on.
So, I was wondering what exactly we'd say besides "Thank you" to so many people who have been such a help and inspiration to us. I have some rough thoughts and ideas but I haven't put them all together yet or edited them or deleted the not-so-great ones:
1. My sister said that Alan must've used just the right washing powder. If there's one thing I can say, it's that it doesn't matter how gorgeous a person is or how amazing their personality is, if they smell gross to me, it's a no-go. No stinkers allowed! This is a no-stink zone!
I once had a big crush on some dude years and years ago and when I gave him a hug one day, he smelt like rotten bacon. He was gorgeous and sweet and funny and...stinky. That was it, crush over! (I would not include most of this in the speech, just the bit about the washing powder)
2. Alan looks just beautiful ;) I'll have to find a way to say "Al, you look so hot!" or maybe, I'll just say that. I've only seen him in a suit once and he looked amazing. Can't wait to see him in one again!
3. When I met Al, I had to kick him out of my office after 3 hours because he just wouldn't leave :) I met him at work. He came to give me training on an aspect of the accounting software.
4. We say thanks to our parents for raising us to be such marvellous people ;). Actually, my mom is walking me down the aisle and plans to pass me to Al and say "There, my boy! I've had her for 31 years, take her and good luck!" :D
You see, this is where I get stuck. We say thank you, say some nice stuff about each other and then that's that? We don't want it to be too long-winded obviously but I don't want to leave anything necessary out. Am I? I'd do the whole speech in rhyme if possible but i think Al will think I'm mental if I suggest it.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Phew!
I spent almost all my study time studying for my psychology exam and severely neglected the other 3.
After my psych exam was done, I ended up with huge work deadlines, issues at home to sort out and numerous other things which I just couldn't put aside.
It hit me that perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew trying to study 4 modules part-time with various other demands that I could not ignore. It was too late to change anything though and so I made the most of the situation and ended up studying the day/night before each exam.
I expected to do so badly, or even fail, my 3 modules and so far, I've only received my one result back and I passed! I passed with 60% which is hardly fantastic but I am so thrilled and relieved to have passed with the required mark for post-grad studies later on which are essential to my qualification! I am so relieved that I had to share it.
Now hopefully the other modules are ok and I get through them too. I shall be taking on more bite-sized portions in future though as this spreading myself too thinly will only result in things not going as well as they could!
After my psych exam was done, I ended up with huge work deadlines, issues at home to sort out and numerous other things which I just couldn't put aside.
It hit me that perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew trying to study 4 modules part-time with various other demands that I could not ignore. It was too late to change anything though and so I made the most of the situation and ended up studying the day/night before each exam.
I expected to do so badly, or even fail, my 3 modules and so far, I've only received my one result back and I passed! I passed with 60% which is hardly fantastic but I am so thrilled and relieved to have passed with the required mark for post-grad studies later on which are essential to my qualification! I am so relieved that I had to share it.
Now hopefully the other modules are ok and I get through them too. I shall be taking on more bite-sized portions in future though as this spreading myself too thinly will only result in things not going as well as they could!
Wedding nightmares
Are nightmares about things going dismally wrong at your wedding normal? I had the worst dream last night!! Oh my word! I have to share it but I first have to give you some background info on the person in my dream:
My mom grew up on a farm and some of the neighbouring farmy-people were a bit, um, well, they were backward. I mean, they had like serious mental problems.
Anyway, so this batty old lady really liked my gran and so my gran was always nice to her and her kids and her youngest kid, who is about 75 now, attached himself to my uncle. He visited my mom and my aunt and my gran now and then too. I shall call him Bob. We called him Uncle Bob out of respect (HA!)
Anyway, so one day, my older cousin, um, I'll call her Betty, turned 16 and Uncle Bob decided that Betty was a dish and so he went to visit her and brought her a present in the form of a portable radio. Betty was like "Cool! Gee, thanks, Uncle Bob!" and we all just thought that he was just a nice, dilly old man. O.k, ja, he ate his own cows with names, etc but he was backward and weird so it was ok. But Uncle Bob had not so innocent intentions, he had the hots for Betty and soon my aunt told his to um, well, to f. off.
Years later, my sister, who was very hot, turned 16 and so guess who came around with a portable radio? Uncle Bob!! So, my mom laughed at him at first until she realised how serious he was. She also then told him to um, to f. off. Disgusting creepy man!
Anyway, so in my dream, my sister decided to get involved in the wedding planning and cancelled our DJ behind our backs and hired UNCLE BOB! He pitched up with one of his portable radios and played some weird old Afrikaans Boere-orkes (very old-school traditional Afrikaans music played with an accordion and banjo) type of music for me to walk down the aisle to as well as for the entire reception! My sister threw all the flowers out and well, ja, it was just awful!! :D
There was some vague something about the bridesmaids being tied up and hidden away too but the details are a little fuzzy.
I am not one of those people who expect the day to be absolutely perfect but going smoothly is always good. At least I can rest assured that nothing that bad would ever happen and I shall think of this dream should any minor glitches stress me out! :)
My mom grew up on a farm and some of the neighbouring farmy-people were a bit, um, well, they were backward. I mean, they had like serious mental problems.
Anyway, so this batty old lady really liked my gran and so my gran was always nice to her and her kids and her youngest kid, who is about 75 now, attached himself to my uncle. He visited my mom and my aunt and my gran now and then too. I shall call him Bob. We called him Uncle Bob out of respect (HA!)
Anyway, so one day, my older cousin, um, I'll call her Betty, turned 16 and Uncle Bob decided that Betty was a dish and so he went to visit her and brought her a present in the form of a portable radio. Betty was like "Cool! Gee, thanks, Uncle Bob!" and we all just thought that he was just a nice, dilly old man. O.k, ja, he ate his own cows with names, etc but he was backward and weird so it was ok. But Uncle Bob had not so innocent intentions, he had the hots for Betty and soon my aunt told his to um, well, to f. off.
Years later, my sister, who was very hot, turned 16 and so guess who came around with a portable radio? Uncle Bob!! So, my mom laughed at him at first until she realised how serious he was. She also then told him to um, to f. off. Disgusting creepy man!
Anyway, so in my dream, my sister decided to get involved in the wedding planning and cancelled our DJ behind our backs and hired UNCLE BOB! He pitched up with one of his portable radios and played some weird old Afrikaans Boere-orkes (very old-school traditional Afrikaans music played with an accordion and banjo) type of music for me to walk down the aisle to as well as for the entire reception! My sister threw all the flowers out and well, ja, it was just awful!! :D
There was some vague something about the bridesmaids being tied up and hidden away too but the details are a little fuzzy.
I am not one of those people who expect the day to be absolutely perfect but going smoothly is always good. At least I can rest assured that nothing that bad would ever happen and I shall think of this dream should any minor glitches stress me out! :)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
She feels like she's dying
Poor Di. She feels like she's dying. She made all sorts of threats and statements to us here at work in case she dies. She has a bit of a stomach bug but I suppose your stomach feeling grotty can make you feel so awful that death may seem like a good "out".
So, Di has no official will or statement of what she wants or what she wants given, etc, that I know of, or what should happen should she suddenly die and so this here, all these bits of info I've gathered from our 5 minute chat, is the closest to that:
- Liam has to hug her corpse. In return, there will be lots of hot women and alcohol for him to comfort said hot women with. They will/must be crying at all times.
- There must be lots of dogs and they must howl in sadness.
- Wiggy must be a paul bearer and she must get a big piece of cake.
That's about all. Some people are all about the simple pleasures in lif...er, death I suppose.
If Di dies, I'll be shocked. It's just a tummy bug, Di the pie, you'll be ok. Lie on the couch and go to sleep, I'll answer the phones :)
So, Di has no official will or statement of what she wants or what she wants given, etc, that I know of, or what should happen should she suddenly die and so this here, all these bits of info I've gathered from our 5 minute chat, is the closest to that:
- Liam has to hug her corpse. In return, there will be lots of hot women and alcohol for him to comfort said hot women with. They will/must be crying at all times.
- There must be lots of dogs and they must howl in sadness.
- Wiggy must be a paul bearer and she must get a big piece of cake.
That's about all. Some people are all about the simple pleasures in lif...er, death I suppose.
If Di dies, I'll be shocked. It's just a tummy bug, Di the pie, you'll be ok. Lie on the couch and go to sleep, I'll answer the phones :)
Monday, June 13, 2011
Home remedies that work
First and foremost, I must mention that suggestions below are subject to the Disclaimer mentioned right at the bottom of this post. Failure to read this disclaimer may result in chop-ish behaviour so just read it, k?
Stain removal:
This depends on what colour the stain is and what colour the fabric is. If it's beetroot, red wine or the blood of your victim, your best bet is to soak the entire garment/table cloth/curtains in the exact same red substance to ensure even colour all over the garment. BAM! Stain gone!
For anything else. try washing it.
Hair trimming at home:
Let's face it, we're all busy, we don't have enough time in our day to stop and smell the roses, let alone figure out how the scissors work so why not try the tried and tested method of trimming your hair; Set it on fire! Wash your hair with a deep cleansing shampoo to remove all excess gel, hairspray, chemicals, etc and then dry until slightly crispy with a hair dryer. Then very carefully divide the hair into sections that require being trimmed to the same length (maybe get a friend to help you), light a match, burn to the required length and then douse the flames using a wet cloth or a bucket of sand. Voila! Who needs a hairdresser!
Dental work at home:
I would not recommend this but if you really have to, then here's what I suggest for basic self-dentistry:
Fillings - Tile cement and a nail file
Cleaning and polishing - An industrial sander
Bleaching - Tippex
Wall repairs:
This goes mainly for smaller holes in the wall. Also, a tried and tested method.
Get a butter knife and scrape all loose concrete out of the hole. Now, stuff little wads of white toilet paper into the wall and then colour in any other parts of the white wall with tippex. Next, find a picture and hang it over the hole. If this partially blocks a doorway, not to worry, it will look like you're exploring your "artistic side" or you can claim so anyway. You may even start a trend.
That's about all I have for now. Hope they help. Oh, please read the disclaimer below:
The author and all inspiring people who have contributed significantly to the trials and conceptualising of these ideas waive all rights to any damage or death caused to self or others by following any of the advice above. They are more like guidelines or suggestions than actual advice. The people who have tested these theories either did so under strict supervision, in an act of desperation or by accident. Please, do not try this at home, at school, at work, in the mall, in a club and anywhere else where there is not someone of sound mind to stop you.
Stain removal:
This depends on what colour the stain is and what colour the fabric is. If it's beetroot, red wine or the blood of your victim, your best bet is to soak the entire garment/table cloth/curtains in the exact same red substance to ensure even colour all over the garment. BAM! Stain gone!
For anything else. try washing it.
Hair trimming at home:
Let's face it, we're all busy, we don't have enough time in our day to stop and smell the roses, let alone figure out how the scissors work so why not try the tried and tested method of trimming your hair; Set it on fire! Wash your hair with a deep cleansing shampoo to remove all excess gel, hairspray, chemicals, etc and then dry until slightly crispy with a hair dryer. Then very carefully divide the hair into sections that require being trimmed to the same length (maybe get a friend to help you), light a match, burn to the required length and then douse the flames using a wet cloth or a bucket of sand. Voila! Who needs a hairdresser!
Dental work at home:
I would not recommend this but if you really have to, then here's what I suggest for basic self-dentistry:
Fillings - Tile cement and a nail file
Cleaning and polishing - An industrial sander
Bleaching - Tippex
Wall repairs:
This goes mainly for smaller holes in the wall. Also, a tried and tested method.
Get a butter knife and scrape all loose concrete out of the hole. Now, stuff little wads of white toilet paper into the wall and then colour in any other parts of the white wall with tippex. Next, find a picture and hang it over the hole. If this partially blocks a doorway, not to worry, it will look like you're exploring your "artistic side" or you can claim so anyway. You may even start a trend.
That's about all I have for now. Hope they help. Oh, please read the disclaimer below:
The author and all inspiring people who have contributed significantly to the trials and conceptualising of these ideas waive all rights to any damage or death caused to self or others by following any of the advice above. They are more like guidelines or suggestions than actual advice. The people who have tested these theories either did so under strict supervision, in an act of desperation or by accident. Please, do not try this at home, at school, at work, in the mall, in a club and anywhere else where there is not someone of sound mind to stop you.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Jack Johnson's "Fortunate Fool"
I am listening to Liam playing Jack Johnson's "Fortunate Fool" and it makes me think of the time I donned some one's over-sized slippers and ran down the street to get something out of my car, thinking that the streets would be empty. They weren't. There were people everywhere and there I was in super fluffy slippers four sizes too big for me trying very hard to look inconspicuous.
I also once went for a walk with two different people. Not at the same time, although that would've been cool.
Anyway, so the one walk was at 3am and ended up in the mall where security chased us out because they thought we were there to burgle the mall.
The next walk was just around the nearby neighbourhood where we looked for people to join us. That particular day was weird and unsuccessful. Weird because we stood outside some guys house and called his name in weird voices which we thought sounded like birds. Ja, weird. Later we walked past a lady's house where the door was wide open and the entire house was in darkness. It looked sort of...haunted. We knocked and called for the person we were looking for and suddenly....we gave up and walked on. Pointless. Well, actually we kind of ran away because we were worried that that high pitched piano music would start playing and a grotesque man with a giant axe would jump out and hack us to pieces and we'd scream like girls, me being the only girl out of the two of us, and that would be that. Weird.
I also once went for a walk with two different people. Not at the same time, although that would've been cool.
Anyway, so the one walk was at 3am and ended up in the mall where security chased us out because they thought we were there to burgle the mall.
The next walk was just around the nearby neighbourhood where we looked for people to join us. That particular day was weird and unsuccessful. Weird because we stood outside some guys house and called his name in weird voices which we thought sounded like birds. Ja, weird. Later we walked past a lady's house where the door was wide open and the entire house was in darkness. It looked sort of...haunted. We knocked and called for the person we were looking for and suddenly....we gave up and walked on. Pointless. Well, actually we kind of ran away because we were worried that that high pitched piano music would start playing and a grotesque man with a giant axe would jump out and hack us to pieces and we'd scream like girls, me being the only girl out of the two of us, and that would be that. Weird.
Feeling like rubbish
I feel like rubbish today. Not in the sense that I feel like eating rubbish in terms of junk food or actual rubbish, just to be clear, nor in terms of having my skin or my clothes feel like rubbish either, nor in an emotional sense. In a flu-ey sense. Rubbish. I explain what seems like obvious obviousims because they are obviously not as obvious to everyone. Obviously.
I am currently, over the past two weeks, watching someone fall to pieces in a most peculiar way. I don't really understand why and I can't really help because they seem oblivious to it but it is somewhat concerning and somewhere along the line, some sort of intervention may be necessary. This has nothing to do with feeling like rubbish except that I suspect that they too, feel like rubbish in some sort of way and are trying to "fix it".
This morning Di wore what I will call her "Slipper shoes" and we were running in the rain to get inside and I thought that she had noticed the mini river that I had jumped over but she hadn't and so she stepped straight into it and then ferociously shook her sopping wet foot in my direction, spraying ice-cold slipper-shoe rain water all over my jeans. It was very funny but I'm sure that her foot felt like rubbish.
Two of my friends are fighting with each other. It's rubbish. I mean, it's horrible and is therefore rubbish.
I read the excerpt of some one's Master's thesis and I'm sorry to say but...yep, it was rubbish. Rubb-ish.
Rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish. This blog is just rubbish because I feel like rubbish.
O.k, sing this to the tune of "How much is that doggy in the window?":
Di says that she can't eat anything with a face. That is just rubbish. I've seen her wolf a chocolate Santa down faster that you can say "Cannibal" and a chocolate bunny faster than you can say "Angora jerseys". The moral of the story? Don't put chocolate on your face when Di is around.
It didn't fit in to the tune? Did you actually try it? Well, it was meant to! Try again! If it doesn't fit, it's not my fault, it is yours because your fitting of words into tunes is just rubbish ;)
I am currently, over the past two weeks, watching someone fall to pieces in a most peculiar way. I don't really understand why and I can't really help because they seem oblivious to it but it is somewhat concerning and somewhere along the line, some sort of intervention may be necessary. This has nothing to do with feeling like rubbish except that I suspect that they too, feel like rubbish in some sort of way and are trying to "fix it".
This morning Di wore what I will call her "Slipper shoes" and we were running in the rain to get inside and I thought that she had noticed the mini river that I had jumped over but she hadn't and so she stepped straight into it and then ferociously shook her sopping wet foot in my direction, spraying ice-cold slipper-shoe rain water all over my jeans. It was very funny but I'm sure that her foot felt like rubbish.
Two of my friends are fighting with each other. It's rubbish. I mean, it's horrible and is therefore rubbish.
I read the excerpt of some one's Master's thesis and I'm sorry to say but...yep, it was rubbish. Rubb-ish.
Rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish. This blog is just rubbish because I feel like rubbish.
O.k, sing this to the tune of "How much is that doggy in the window?":
Di says that she can't eat anything with a face. That is just rubbish. I've seen her wolf a chocolate Santa down faster that you can say "Cannibal" and a chocolate bunny faster than you can say "Angora jerseys". The moral of the story? Don't put chocolate on your face when Di is around.
It didn't fit in to the tune? Did you actually try it? Well, it was meant to! Try again! If it doesn't fit, it's not my fault, it is yours because your fitting of words into tunes is just rubbish ;)
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