Change

Last night Di and I were joking about not stopping dead at the stop street. I did this the other day and was spotted doing so and got my first traffic fine in 4 years. I was most grumpy about it but it was my own doing so I couldn't complain really.

So we were joking that I could just tell the traffic officer that I didn't believe in stopping dead because nothing ever truly stops and stays stagnant, it's constantly moving. We went on and on for about 20 minutes with an elaboration on our insane theory that could get someone out of a traffic fine for not stopping and we were giggling away (we're so good at talking rubbish) and then today I thought of it again but differently. Not about trying to convince traffic officers of why they should not fine me but rather about things moving all the time.

My psych book said that there are theories of what shapes us as people, our genes or our experiences. Are we born with certain traits and we react a certain way to experiences or do we experience things and these experiences help to form part of who we are? I'd like to think a bit of both.

I am one of those people who can embrace change as long as it is good change. I don't like it when people change though, which I suppose is silly because they too cannot stay stagnant. Should I say, I don't like it when people let experience change them for the worse. Those that are strong in character seldom seem to fall prey to this but those who sort of flutter along and go with whoever says whatever generally do and it's very sad. I call them "wishy-washy people" because there's no stability, no true sense of self. It bugs me. I want to take them by the shoulders and shake them and say "Wake up! Who are you? Just decide already!" but they would probably think me most strange.

It was just irritating me lately as I've recently had an experience with a wishy-washy person who has surrounded themselves with nasty people of negative influence and they have thus absorbed this attitude as their own. Pity. They could have swayed the other way just as easily. Moving on...

The man with the very weird plan

I have to relay this as it happened as I just happened to answer the phone:

Me: ....good morning
Man: Hi. So, basically in a nutshell, I'm going to an event and I'm going to run across a field and I want to make some money from it so I need to know what to say.
Me; Excuse me?
Man: You know how those people run across the field in the nude and they make a statement, well I want to make a statement and then say something which will then be the complete opposite of what my previous statement was and I want to then get copyright lawyers and coin that phrase to make money.
Me: Oh, Um, yes, Ok, I understand. But what if you get arrested?
Man: I probably will but then people will come to me and I'll make money. I'll also go to gym first and everything and get all buff.
Me: You'll have to run very fast.
Man: Oh, they won't catch me.
Me: O.k, so when are you doing this?
Man: Soon, I can't tell you but you know, at a soccer match
Me: A local soccer match?
Man: I can't tell you
Me: O.k, so you want people to watch you?
Man: Yes. But it must happen naturally, it mustn't be forced.
Me; O.k, so how can we help you? What do you want from us?
Man: I want to know what to say. I want training to look good on camera.
Me: Why don't you go to a casting agency?
Man: No, I want you guys to tell me what to say!
Me: Are you sure you want to do this? Don't you think it would be better to make a statement in another way?
Man: Yes! I want to do it! It'll make me money! I might even give the proceeds to charity.
Me: O.k, well that's nice of you but tell me more about why you're doing this?
Man: No, you want to steal my idea!
Me: Um, no, sir, I have no intention of taking my clothes off. O.k, let me put you through to someone who can help you

Liam: hello?
Me; Liam, there's a streaker on the phone who wants to know what to say
Liam: What?
Me: Just listen to the dude and maybe you can help him
Liam: Ok
He gave him a casting agencies number and told him to phone them.

I emailed my boss the story and she replied saying "Don't get any ideas Audrey - to steal his idea I mean. Best to keep your clothes on - especially as I hear it's v cold!"

Off to Cape Town we went!

And now we're back again. I am having withdrawals today. It gets harder and harder to leave there every time I go. Not long and I won't have to sigh and wish for a little longer.

We almost didn't get there though as we seemed to have a few problems getting onto the plane to begin with.

We arrived at the airport 3 and a half hours early and checked in to get our bags out of the way. Being in an excitable and silly mood, I asked the lady when she was weighing Di and my bags together "Are we overweight?" and she said "No, you're fine!" to which I replied "And our bags?"
I then understood how Alan feels when people just look at him with that "You think you're so funny, don't you?!" look. I suspect she was having a bad day and this is where the trouble started.

When we finally needed to board, we went through security and Di was stopped for having some metal object in her bag. It turned out to be a layer of loose change but they had to check for ages to make sure she wasn't hiding any bombs or guns in her giant bag. This once again reinforces my personal handbag rule: Do not buy a handbag that is bigger than your head. But that's just me.

When we got through to the boarding gate, they stopped me because there was a problem with my ticket and I seemed to be sitting on somebody's lap. Luckily that somebody was moved as I'm really not partial to sitting on stranger's laps in a cramped aircraft for 2 hours, and I was let through and we got onto the plane and made it to Cape Town. Yay!!

Both Di and I see so badly and it's so much worse without our contact lenses but we both took ours out anyway and thought we'd just listen out for our friend, Nicola, who has a very distinct voice. Luckily Nix came charging at us the moment she saw us and we breathed a sigh of relief at not having to walk around squinting at everyone.

We had a fabulous time with our friends in Stellenbosch and then later that night at a club in Claremont for my bachelorette where I was dressed in a tiny white outfit with wings, a halo and a sash saying "Bride to be" and the THIGH HIGH WHITE STOCKINGS which Di found in Stellenbosch. Most of the ladies wore tiny, black or red dresses with devil horns and high heels. We certainly all stood out and we had a lot of fun and were all very sleepy the next day.

I absolutely cannot wait to go to Cape Town again. I notice how clean the air is, how my sinuses clear, how the traffic is a pleasure compared to Joburg and I love that feeling of feeling like I'm home when I'm there. Sigh!

Cape Town, here we come!

Yay!!! Di and I are heading off to Cape Town this evening to spend the weekend with her family and our friends. I absolutely cannot wait!

I have packed everything from my textbooks for Tam to my Spongebob T-Shirt to 32 gourmet cupcakes (yum yum!) and every single jersey I own. La la la la la la la.

We're leaving work in an hour. Well, actually in 56 minutes :) 55 minutes...

Last night, Fatty's plight continued with her uncovering me while I slept using the blanket to make a bed for her "puppies." I eventually just pulled her to the top of the bed, adjusted the blanket and rubbed her tummy until she fell asleep, head on my arm. It was so sweet and heavy :) I am going to miss her so much this weekend with her little squishy face and purple tongue and thinking she's a kitty.

The dance shop didn't order the "dodgy" stockings in time but phoned me now, when I didn't bring my car in, to tell me that they have arrived. The lady will hide them in the drawer for me until next week :D

The Phantom Puppies

My dog, Fats, is going through her second phantom pregnancy. It is awful and really hard on her. We thought we'd just let her have a litter of puppies this time around to let her experience having the pups and then sterilise her but alas, the sausage dog just couldn't, well, um, figure it out. He just didn't know what to do. He had a rough idea but well, it just never happened and I don't intervene in, um, intimate relations between any species at all and so fat Fats failed to fall pregnant.

Unfortunately, she has started lactating and spends hours every night trying to make a bed for her imaginary puppies on Al and my bed, always involving the pillow my head is on. As a result, we are both exhausted every day and I never get the full use of my pillow.

The last time we bought her a teddy in the hopes that she would treat it like a puppy but alas, she's had a teddy since she was tiny and she knows that they're just there to play with and so she slowly pulled poor teddy to pieces.

We give her lots and lots of attention usually but even more so when she's going through this. I let her sit on my lap while I watch TV and rub her tummy and talk to her in a soft tone and I play catch with her every weekend and run around the garden with her and spend ages just rubbing her tummy and feeding her biscuits or other doggy treats to distract her, but this time she seems quite adamant that she's having puppies.

So I was wondering if we should get her to foster some puppies who don't have a mom for whatever reason or if, when they had to be given back or re homed, she would pine even more.

Does anyone have an answer to this? She is such a sweet and loving doggy and seeing her so sad and depressed is really upsetting because I can't say to her "It's just your hormones, Fatness, you'll be ok" and so the poor doggy is left thinking she's having pups and then later that she's had them and that they're missing. It's awful.

"Do we sell stockings?! No, we're a respectable shop!"

This past weekend, Di and I ran around everywhere looking for stockings. You would think that they'd be the easiest things in the world to find but nobody had any! O.k, I'm not being completely honest, we weren't just looking for stockings, we were looking for thigh high white stockings that weren't fishnets and didn't have a little red cross at the top like those dodgy nurses outfits. You know, just plain white thigh high stockings. They are not easy to come by, let me tell you!

We started off running around into Woolies and Edgars and then into some underwear shops where we soon discovered that asking for thigh high stockings was like asking where we could register to be prostitutes; We got all sorts of filthy looks and found our search for these stockings leading us to more and more dodgy shops.

Have people not heard of dress-up? I don't mean a weird sort of dress-up, I mean like innocent dress-up. Like your outfit would look so cute complete with the thigh high white stockings for a particular occasion, not just general walking around the house or the mall.

I finally phoned a dance wear shop, as per Tam's suggestion, and they will have them in for me this week, before we head off for Cape Town.
The lady at the shop did pause for a full 20 seconds though when I asked "Hi, do you sell thigh high white stockings that aren't fishnets?" Maybe I'll wear a disguise when I buy them seeing as it's such a "filthy thing" to buy. Um, lady , you're selling them to begin with :D

The joys of drill-free dentistry

I went to the dentist today. It was the most pleasant visit I have ever had to the dentist! In fact, it was so great, I have absolutely no pain and no numbness at all!

I went to one of those dentists who advertise themselves as being "painless" because they don't use a drill or injections. It was fantastic! Why was it so fantastic? Because she sent me straight home and didn't do a thing besides violently yank my mouth open. She sent me home because I have a cold and a sinus drip and she was worried that the bacteria would be trapped in the cavity she needed to fill...using a drill! Yep. Are you totally confused? I was too. I mean, I read the website more than once, three or four times even all about how they have this amazing new technique which makes using drills and injections unnecessary for fillings! Wow! I'm not sure who it's unnecessary for or what those dentists deem to be fillings but when I got there, she was all about the blasted drill and injections.

Luckily, she didn't want to risk doing the filling with the cold germs lurking because she was really rough just having a look in my mouth and seemed to think that I wasn't opening my mouth when it really was as wide as it could go. I was worried that she was going to dislocate my jaw!

I then came back to work and spent 5 minutes looking online to see if there truly was a drill-free dentist out there, anywhere in Gauteng, let alone Johannesburg. I found a few! They used some sort of water abrasion system! Bingo. I phoned but this time, I asked if they even kept drills at their practice and how frequently they used them for fillings and they answered "We always use them for fillings. You can't escape the drill." But that, my dear readers, is not true according to many, many dentist's websites abroad. It just seems to be true for us here in South Africa.

This disappoints me very, very deeply and terrifies me even more deeply. I hate that blasted little drill and most dentists just can't administer the anaesthetic at the right pace to make the injections painless. So, I can either just cut back on the sweeties and brush, floss and use mouthwash 3 times a day, take copious amounts of calcium and wait until the technology arrives here or can wait for my cold to clear up, get Al to take some time off work and find a dentist that deals with little, terrified children and go to him with Alan holding my hand!