I won!

This post is long overdue and won't even be the post I had in mind due to some time constraints with assignments due tomorrow but in short:

I had surgery which was extensive and painful and which I am still having the odd side-effect from but my scans show that I am clean! I am cancer-free! :) I have beaten stage 3 melanoma!

I will post the details of the op, the hospital stay (which has some very amusing characters in it) as well as my recovery this weekend.

The nightmare before Christmas

Two days before Christmas I got a phone call that has changed my life. I was told that I had advanced Melanoma cancer. I had had a mole removed after months of putting it off due to severe needle phobia and unfortunately it turned out to be cancerous. It is in two of my lymph nodes as well but none of my organs and not in my blood.

At this point I feel like I am quad-polar. I vary between being completely terrified to remaining calm and knowing that I'll be ok to wondering if there hadn't been some sort of mistake with the results to wondering when I will die.

I am going to call myself a cancer survivor because that is my plan; To survive. As I am new to this, I can only offer limited advice to anyone with Melanoma but what I can do is offer a little more advice to those with severe needle phobia.

Some people have needle phobia to the point that they would rather die than face a needle. This is very serious and if you are one of these people, I want you to stop and think for a moment. You won't just die and that's it, you'll be in heaven or whatever your belief. At some point you are bound to get so sick that someone else will be telling the doctors what they can and can't do with you and then you could very possibly be facing a lot worse than a needle. Not only that, if you do die, it probably won't be like BAM! You're dead. You'll probably be in lots of pain and hey, no needles could mean no pain relief and it will possibly be slow and undignified and painful and then you'll be dead. Dead! Gone! Forever! You may or may not believe that your spirit lives on and maybe even in re-incarnation but regardless, this life, here as you know it, will be finished. You know this, right? But you can't help how you feel? You're terrified, sometimes you even pass out? Well, I don't have the full solution for you but I am sure going to find it using myself as a guinea pig!

I've started with something that will help to a large degree. If you can get hold of Topla Skin Anaesthetic, do so. It contains 5 times more anaesthesia than Emla. So you rub a fair amount (not like the whole tube, but a fair bit) onto your arm or wherever an hour and a half before your needle. Wait half an hour and rub some more on. Then put a jersey or a bandage over it and leave it! Then you focus on something else. You TRY! You read, or you talk about your holiday you're planning. About 15 minutes before, feel your arm where you applied the cream and you will feel how numb it is.

O.k, time for your needle. Now this is where I battle a bit. I know I physically won't feel a thing but to convince my body to stop reacting is hard. I've found hugging myself really tightly helps a lot and deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth. Think "I no longer have a fear of needles" and repeat it over and over. DO NOT LOOK AT THE NEEDLE AT ALL! Get somebody to ask you questions about what you're interested in and in between answers breathe in through your nose deeply, out through your mouth. You will not feel the needle because of the Topla. Lie down if you faint!

If you can't get hold of Topla, use Emla, just use more and further in advance. Like 2 hours.

The fact of the matter is this, needles save lives and so many of us are paralysed with fear that we let a medical situation get out of hand because of this. I finish my undergrad year of Psychology this year and will continue with Honours next year and between the process of learning how to do proper research and treatment and getting treatment and surgery for my cancer, I am going to find the answers to cure us of this! This nonsense has to end.

If you have found something that helps you, please let me know and I'll give it a try my next time. I've tried applying less and less Topla each time to just feel the needle a little so that I will realise that it is not that bad but anything you think would work, please comment or email me.

And then lastly, for now, needle-phobic or not, if something on your skin starts to change, especially a mole, ask your GP for a referral to a Dermatologist and get it out! Do not ask your GP's opinion, he is not a skin specialist, just get it out!! If it's nothing, yay for you, no harm done.

The next post will be more upbeat :)

Pudding - sole rights to kisses

We have a ten month old Siberian Husky named Pudding. Pudding has a lot of personality and shows new and interesting characteristics every day.

The latest one is her apparent belief that nobody should be handing out or receiving kisses unless it involves her. We are allowed to kiss her and receive kisses from her but not between each other. She doesn't get aggressive or anything but she most certainly makes her objection known.

The first time I was sitting next to Al on the couch who was sitting next to Pudding, who was staring at herself in the mirror as usual, and I gave Al a kiss. Pudding whipped around from the mirror and starting moaning at Alan and pawing at him. We were not really sure what she was doing and just left it.

Then yesterday afternoon, I was going into the kitchen and walked past Al and stopped to give him a kiss on my way and Pudding ran up to us and started "kissing" Alan's face frantically. She then started "talking" to us for quite a lengthy period of time in a low-pitched, soft tone and it was pretty clear that there were to be no kisses without her.

I frequently bend down, open my arms and call her "Puddy! Come give me kisses!" and she runs to me, ears back and licks and nibbles my chin. She often asks for them too by pushing her ears flat against her head and looking up at me and starts to lick the air. I bend down and she licks and nibbles my chin. A very affectionate puppy indeed!

We have managed to get her out of some bad habits without formal training, such as demanding to be played with instead of asking and sleeping in her own bed with her own pillow and not taking mine. She also does not eat my shoes which is odd because she eats Alan's. Maybe my feet don't have such an alluring aroma ;) So we will have to work on Puddy with her "no kisses without me!" behaviour and see how it goes.

The power of association

Have you ever listened to a piece of music or seen something and been reminded of an event so strongly that you are able to feel the same emotions that you felt at the time of the original event? It's called association and it can become very weird!

I was listening to a piece of music this morning which reminded me so much of Stellenbosch and going ice-skating with the dance society and just from the music, I could remember exactly how I felt while going round and round the ice-rink and watching the figure skaters show us some of their moves. It was awesome!

There are bad association too of course, such as a friend and lasagna, I don't know all the details of the story but I know that at age 6, she didn't want to eat her supper and so her father pushed her face into her lasagna and covered her face in it. She has not since touched lasagna and the very thought of it makes her feel ill.

People used to, some still do, use bad association with their children in the form of spanking. If the child does something wrong and they get spanked, they learn to associate pain and humiliation with doing something wrong. I'm not a parent but I know what my psychology books say about spanking and it isn't a good idea to promote violence as a means of solving a problem but that's not what this is about.

I know a woman who has a sort of infatuation with a man. The woman is married to a man she loves very much and the man to a woman he loves very much and the man and woman in this case are first cousins. While incest is not a good idea, the infatuation happened for her due to association from when they were teenagers.

They only really got to know each other as teenagers and they had a fair bit in common and they used to go out and have fun together. The woman then learnt to associate her cousin with fun and close friendship, something she does not experience with her own husband. The man, however, had fun but the emotional connection was a lot more one-sided and he did not create the same associations.

Years later, the woman gets quite possessive of the ,man around his wife and demands his full attention and tries to exclude the wife from conversation and involvement in activities or photos. She's reasonably nice to the wife when they're not around the husband but the woman likes to remind the wife now and then how close she is to the man.

Now while this story is rather disturbing to me, apparently the fact that they're cousins has nothing to do with it, it's just a bit of a yucky coincidence.

It never fails to amaze me how even now, having studied (and should be studying this very minute too. Procrastination.) about how unusual or abnormal some people's behaviour can be, I'm still surprised. People are so complex, no two people are exactly the same so those "All women drive badly" or "All men are pigs" really mean nothing.

If you're the type of person who ponders over other people's behaviour, association isn't always the answer but often it can be. Why does Johnny want to kill someone every time he eats a mango? Maybe because Johnny was given a mango every time a violent movie was on (I'm exaggerating, please note). Or why does Mary want to laugh every time she sees a person wearing pink pyjamas? Maybe there was a lady who dropped her kids off for school in her pink pyjamas every day and her hair was always in curlers and she looked hilarious.

The other thing is how other people form associations with yourself. If you find people disliking you for no apparent reason, perhaps they've learned to associate you with something that they dislike. Like maybe you spoke about how often your stomach works or something the first time that they met you and they're sensitive and now all they see when they see you is an image of you on the toilet.

The good news is that associations can be changed, nothing is set in stone so don't worry too much about how people are creating associations about you. As for your own association, try to associate things you have to do, like studying, with good things or happy things so that you'll want to them more and it won't be a schlepp. Oh, just one last thing on the associations of other people with you, sort of like a golden rule: Don't stink!

A sum up of the past 6 months

The past 6 months have been extremely busy and eventful and have left me with little time for blogging. Time seems to fly so quickly and when I look back I realise how much things have changed since I've stopped to catch my breath. These are some of the highlights:

1. One of the highlights of the past 6 months for me has been my psychology studies. I did a module on abnormal psychology and in short it teaches us how to diagnose and recognise mental abnormalities. This is everything from severe mental disorders to personality disorders to substance abuse to childhood disorders. It was one of the most exciting and at the same time, one of the most sad things I have read about.
There have been people I've known for many, many years where I've known that something was not quite right but I didn't know what was wrong and after this module, I was able to understand their behaviour a lot better and felt more able to cope with how I react to their behaviour.

2. I don't write too much detail about my psychology modules because a. we are taught how to analyse things in context and b. how to critically evaluate things and not just read that if Timmy has a sore thumb and Timmy insists on eating chocolate ice-cream twice a week it must mean that Timmy is insane. So if you read a book on abnormal psychology don't run around and decide that every second person, yourself possibly included, has a major psychological problem. I'm just saying.

3. Sort of on the topic of abnormal psych but not quite, Pudding, our Husky pup, has bouts of severe anxiety and will be too scared to do things like climb the stairs and I end up picking up this 30kg dog like a cat and carrying her up the stairs. We always have a chat about it first though with her making her objections to being pressured to climb the stairs or at my picking her up. Eventually she either manages to work up the courage to run up the stairs or else she sits in front of me and gives a little jump when I bend down to pick her up. My arms have become significantly stronger from all of this and so I suppose that is the highlight of the story. I do enjoy the chats with Pud though, she's very entertaining. If you're someone who visits us, please do be warned that if anyone "pinches" your bum, it's not us, it's Puddy. She is obsessed with giving people, strangers in particular, a little nip on the bum. It's not sore but it is somewhat unnerving for those who think that it's us!

4. In other highlights, my best friend had a baby not so long ago and while I didn't get to spend more than a few hours with them before they emigrated to the Isle of Man, it was still fabulous to spend time with Bran and to meet little Isabelle considering that she'll be quite a few years older by the next time I manage to see her.

5. I met some lovely and some very interesting people recently. I seldom really connect deeply with people instantly but every now and then I do and I met two people that I've had that with in the past 6 months and while I won't see them very often, I'm so happy to have met them and will be sure to make the effort to stay in contact. Please note that interesting only means interesting in the true sense of the word at times with me. The rest of the time it means downright weird or awful. I only commented on the lovely people though as the interesting people weren't interesting enough to comment on if you know what I mean.

6. Joining dancing again. I haven't yet but I have found a suitable studio and will definitely be joining this month again. I cannot wait to get dance-fit again and meet some new people.

7. The decision to move. We are moving house as our neighbour, who is a bit old and grumpy, has decided that Pudding's conversations with Fatty and Gubbels and the children swimming in the pool next door, are not entertaining for her at all. Let this be a warning to anyone who thinks that Huskies are beautiful and cute, etc They are all of those things but they are not quiet. They don't bark but they do "talk" (look on Youtube if you don't know what I mean). While I love our home, it would be nicer for the dogs to have a bigger garden and it would help us if we had enough space for our furniture , which we don't now. We'll rent our current place out to tenants and then find somewhere to move to.

8. I have taken a big step in the right direction career-wise and have found a job at a psychology practice. I am most excited about this and cannot wait to learn all about how things are done and run in this sort of environment.

9. The smoke alarm is going off and nobody is running. How interesting.

10. One of my close friends in Cape Town became a mom with another one following close behind.

11. I have discovered the most amazing biscuits! They are called "Jaffa cakes" and they only stock them at one Spar that I've found. They are not cheap but they such amazing little pieces of yumminess that they are worth every penny. They're like a soft sponge with an orange filling covered by a dark chocolate top. Nom nom nom!

12. I have discovered skin anaesthetic. I needed to have some blood work done a few months ago to test for appendicitis and while most times I would just say "No way, you're not sticking any needles in me! Goodbye!" I knew that I'd have to have the test done in case it was serious.
I went to the pharmacist and explained my dilemma through my tears and I asked her for some herbal tranquilizers to calm myself down. It was then that she suggested that I buy this tiny tube of cream to numb my skin and that's exactly what I did and I felt...NOTHING! Like seriously, nothing! It does take an hour to kick in so if you're thinking of going that route, put it on before you even go to the Dr.

A possible case of spontaneous human combustion?

While I understand that spontaneous human combustion is not possible in the sense of someone just suddenly bursting into flames without being doused in some sort of flammable substance at the very least, I am starting to question if there may not be an exception to this rule.

From what I understand from Science Fiction movies and novels is that often the victims of this phenomenon are usually highly emotionally aroused. By aroused, I mean angry, irritated, excited, etc. Arousal like a waking, nothing sexual. Anyway, so the more excitable the victim becomes, the more likely they are to burst into flames and, possibly, even downright explode.

So how do you tell if you need to run for a bucket of water for your BFF who's starting to pour with sweat when it's snowing outside? Well the sweat aside, something has to tick them off or make them excitable in some manner. Should they reach a point of no apparent return, they will start to turn a bright shade of red. They might also flap their arms wildly and make noises that resemble a turkey's frantic pleas before being slaughtered for Christmas lunch. It can easily be mistaken for choking except that they won't be gasping for air in between squawks. At this point it's best to pour that entire bucket full of water/ice/sand over your BFF and wait to see the results. If they get even more excitable but don't burst into flames, there's probably something else wrong and maybe it's time to seek medical attention. Or run. Especially if they're armed or have a history of violent behaviour.

It seems to take a while to get to that point of actually bursting into flames though so if your BFF has only started with the symptoms, you're probably safe for a good while. Maybe buy a fire retardent jacket though, just in case.

The key to avoiding this altogether though is to avoid people prone to extreme outbursts of emotion. Aside from the fact that they might perhaps have a psychological problem (more on this in my next post tomorrow) they may cause you much discomfort if you're too close by when they spontaeously combust. Nobody likes the smell of singed hair.

So make friends with people whose faces only go really red when they're sunburnt or have got a bit carried away with their beetroot salad, not with people who get extremely upset for absolute nonsense.

The start of telepathy after 6 and a half months of marriage.

It is said that after years and years of marriage, the communication between partners could almost be completely non-verbal. She looks over at him and he just gets up and does the circus dance he knows she's dying to see. Or he looks over at her and she gets up and gets a butter knife to file his toenails because she knows how much he loves it.

So Al and I have been married for just over 6 months and well, we can't claim to be at that stage yet. Primarily because he just doesn't enjoy dancing and likes to cut his own toenails but also because, well, those things need to be earned. We are at the "babe..." followed by "Yes, I'll make coffee now" stage. It's a great stage to be at. You never have to actually say "Are you making coffee?" or "Will you make coffee, please?" It saves time and energy and vocal chords.

A bedtime story

Onceuponatime there was a Small Man who lived in a shack. He didn't have much money because he couldn't get a decent job because he'd dropped out of school and had never finished. One day the Small Man went to a pub and met a woman there who was completely different to anyone he'd ever met before. She acted like a man, looked a bit like a man and had the same interests as men do. The Small Man was so lonely because people generally didn't like him that he decided to put a collar around the woman and take her home as a pet. The Small Man taught his pet woman how to make coffee and do simple tricks. But he was still sad because he couldn't find a job and so he started eating everything he could find in the hopes that it would make him feel better about himself. He ate the soap and the mattress and the bread in the cupboard and the yoghurt in the fridge. Heck, he even ate the fridge door. It didn't make him feel any better though, all it did was make him fat. So now he was sad, unemployed, lonely and fat. He spoke to his pet woman but she was far more interested in juggling oranges and just listened now and then when the man looked upset and screamed at her to make coffee. But wait! The Small Man did have a friend! He just didn't treat the friend that way. To the Small Man, he had nothing in common with this friend, they just went places together now and then. So one day, the Small Man and his pet woman invited themselves around to the friends house. The friend said "Hey Small Man, I know you don't have a job. I know of a job for you where they won't even care whether you have finished school or not. All you need to do is tolerate that they are drug addicts." The Small Man was excited. It paid more money than he'd ever earned before and that was really the most important thing in the Small Mans life. When the Small Man started his new job, the boss was very nasty to him and called him fat and told everyone that the Small Man was on drugs. The Small Mans friend heard about it and told the Small Mans boss that the Small Man was not on drugs at all. The friend got into trouble for this but it didn't matter because the friend had integrity and had a sense of loyalty to the Small Man and knew that the Small Man was not on drugs at all. The Small Man wanted to leave and said "Friend! You must leave too!" but the friend said "I wish I could but I can't just leave Small Man, I won't be able to buy food if I leave." This made the Small Man very angry because he didn't care about anyone but himself but he kept quiet and didn't leave. The Small Man started telling the friend every day how his pet woman didn't want to marry him but how he'd sort of found a way around it by forcing her to have a commitment ceremony, like a fake wedding. This meant that they would not really be married at all but would get lots of presents. The Small Man said it was better because he would lose too much money if he married his pet woman anyway. The friend could see quite clearly why the pet woman didn't want to marry the Small Man but it was up to the Small Man to find out why so the friend just kept quiet. The Small Man also told the friend many, many things about how awful his life was when growing up and the friend realised that this Small Man was looking for pity and not to rise above the bad things and change the circumstances and make a success of his life. When the Small Man did not receive enough pity, he started to get angry and nasty to the friend. The Small Man tried to bully the friend and force the friend to do whatever he wanted and the more the friend stood up to him, the nastier the Small Man became. One day the Small Man's boss said to the Small Man "Small Man, I don't like your friend anymore. I will pay you to kill your friend." and so the Small Man said "Ok" and killed the friend with a big knife in the back. The Small Man went home and lied to his pet woman and told her that he'd had to kill the friend out of self-defence. The pet woman, blowing on her toenails, looked up with her bruised and battered face and said "La la la la, potato chips are nice" because she'd sustained a head injury after her last beating for making bad coffee and it was all that she could say. Perhaps the Small Man was on drugs afterall. The end.

Pudding

So I swapped these duckies mentioned further down there for a gorgeous husky pup and named her Pudding. She has had a couple of trips to the vet due to a very irratible stomach but that aside, she is full of life and has so much character. Pudding was an instant hit with the other two doggies and the three cause all sorts of mischief together and take up a lot of space on the bed which prompted me to buy Pudding her own bed and to teach her to sleep on this bed next to ours so that we could turn over and such and not lie in bed unable to move in case we knocked someone off the bed. So far, it's working wonderfully and it even leaves space for a cat to join us, if they so desire.

Quest for a duck

This morning I stumbled upon the need for a duck. I already had the use of 4, thanks to Mel, but I needed one more. At this point I cannot divulge why I needed the ducks as it would result in me getting into trouble. I have found the duck and will be getting into trouble anyway but sometimes, you need to make these small sacrifices for the greater good. I am not keeping the ducks but they will be going to a very happy home where they will be kept as pets and never get eaten. So in essence, it's a helpful thing I'm doing; I'm helping Mel rehome her ducks, I'm helping a lady start her mini-farm and I'm helping myself by gaining something out of it. I will post on Monday to let you know what I got. I may be homeless and on the streets as punishment but I'm sure it'll only be for a week or two ;)

Newnarb, Sbag, Nala and Yaj and a random something else.

The first part of this won't make sense except to that person who did a search for "PYC1502" and came across my blog: Don't read too much into it. And don't speak to too many other students about it because all the analysis will confuse you. It's more straightforward than you think. Just know your work REALLY well and then apply the analysis to your scenario and you'll do well. Good luck!PYC1502, I mean, not my blog. My blog should generally not be analysed, it's just rubbish mostly and if you analyse it, you will be very confused. I have notes if you need: 34984496@mylife.unisa.ac.za (once again, on PYC1502)

O.k, now onward: These people were part of a discussion of how other people see you and how close it is to how you see yourself. This after I read a post about myself written by a friend and it was quite surprising as to how whacked I seemed to someone else! Funny though. So to those people, here are my thoughts on you:

Newnarb

Newnarb can be described in two ways. One is more relevant to years ago and one more relevant to now with flickers of the first one cropping up now and then.
Newnarb has always been a bit on the introverted side. Not unhealthily so though, just not the person who goes screaming and streaking at parties. She used to have moments of doing very strange things like drinking shampoo and adding carbonation to coffee. That was in her wilder days.
Newnarb is very hard on herself because that's how she's been taught to be towards herself because almost everyone else she knows is too. Be it in her work life, her home life or her other relationships, she's expected to give a lot. The thing is, she's just so good at it. She'd do well to take a breather though.
She has two and a half halflings who she devotes much of her time and attention to and it leaves her feeling exhausted at times but she keeps going and is there for those who need her. A very good mom. She loves easily and is empathetic and has a good sense of humour. She's the sort of friend you can ball your eyes out to or sit and laugh at absolutely nothing.

Sbag


Sbag is quite a character. He's one of those people who also pushes himself a lot more than he should. He pushes himself to have so much balance in his life that it almost causes unbalance, which is sort of funny. He's the guy you have to book 2 months in advance lest he be off on a garden snail hunt or some other such interesting adventure. He has a terrific sense of humour but can be very serious when needed. If you have amusing ideas of what should happen to nasty people, he's the person you'd share it with. He sort of adds fuel to the fire but all in jest. A very deep and genuinely good person who goes between embracing his humanity fully and rejecting it fully. I've never cried in front of him really, once on the phone, but not someone you can display too much intense emotion to without making him rather uncomfortable.

Nala

Nala likes to pretend that he's so tough and serious and has no feelings but he's one of the sweetest and softest people I've ever met. I will probably be killed now so I'll stop there xxx

Yaj

Yaj is an unusal sort of fellow. Yaj has not completely unique ideas but ideas that a lot of general society would not understand or agree with. This has lead to many an argument but it's always interesting and there's no ill-intent meant from either side. In fact, the fact that I can argue with Yaj is one of the things I like most about him. He has a spine, a viewpoint and he'll listen to mine and will state his and we'll argue but we're always friends and don't try and imposethe beliefs on each other. O.k, perhaps I do a little but I'm trying not to. Yaj needs cooking lessons. Yaj has a great sense of humour and general love of life and informal knowledge and people. He's extremely introverted and constantly on the lookout for new ways to help him to get out of his shell more.

Wedding details - The reception

The reception felt a little surreal. We'd opted for our own table as to be able to eat in peace and not have people bother us with little things while we were trying to take it all in.

There were a few glitches such as us losing microphone sound and the DJ playing nothing on our playlist and starting our dance music too soon but that aside, it went well and we had fun and we didn't fall over in our dance so we were happy.

It was a success overall and despite the fact that even to this day, not one of those family members have bothered to explain or even contact us for that matter, we were very happy.

The entire experience of planning and the actual day would not have been possible without Tamarah, who did the ceremony and was my "Calm down, you'll be ok" person, Melissa who did the invites and kicked my bum into gear in a big way with the planning, Diana who tagged along to everything so that I didn't go alone and bought me the most beautiful veil, Branwen and Nicola who came into everything late but kept everything together for the reception and the day in general, Leandri for her kind words and concern for my sanity in the last few weeks, Trudy who organised our hair and makeup and my nails and toenails and the flowers; My mom, Elaine, who did our overlays and had contagious excitement, Hendri and Tamarah who saved us from having no cake and from doing the sprinkler in our dance, Leslie, my sister, for phoning me a few weeks before to clear up the confusion and making the effort to come as the day would've been empty without her even if the entire family had pitched. Lastly to Adam, Chantall, Hendri, Morne and Nadia for flying up from Cape Town to share our day with us and filling our home with fun and laughter and a relaxed atmosphere before the big day.

Wedding Details - The actual wedding ceremony

As we stood there with the music playing, we had a quick discussion and shuffle of who was walking in first and handed out everybodies flowers - a single red rose.

As I started walking down the aisle with my mom, I noticed the first big issue; My entire family, barring my sister and my mom, had just not bothered to pitch. I'd had one of my cousins tell me that she couldn't make it but the rest had said that they were coming. I whispered to my mom "Where is everyone?" but I was soon feeling much better as I approached Al and he helped me over the mini-moat by the podium.

The ceremony was conducted by my M.O.H, Tamarah as we had been legally married at Home Affairs two days before. It was short and lovely and involved some guest participation too.

Alan winged his vows and they went something like this:

"They say that you should bend the tree while it's still young. The problem is, you're older than me. I suppose then that I'll have to honour you, like an honourable person. I'll have to cherish you, as long as you bring me cherries. I'll hold you at 2am when Kevin (his boss) says that I can go home. I love you with all my heart and promise to do so all my life."

It was my turn next. With trembling hands, I took the paper I'd written my vows on and said:

"I'll love you 'till the sun comes up,
and you hold out your hand for your coffee cup.
I'll love you when you're sick in bed,
or have stubbed your toe or hurt your head.
I'll love you and will always think you're so hot,
and I'll keep all others, in my blind spot.
I'll love you regardless of if we have money,
and I'll laugh at your jokes even if they're not funny.
I'll love you when you're 103,
despite your liking Dragon Ball Zee.
I'll love you more and more everyday,
way beyond when our hair has turned grey.
What I'm saying is that it's you I love most,
I'll love you 'till I die and turn into a ghost."

After that we walked past our guests as they threw rose petals on us and we had our photos taken with the bridal party while the guests went to have starters.

The photographer was really nice in that he took pictures of whatever or whomever we wanted and he let us give ideas as to what we'd like in terms of poses, etc.
In one photo, I had the bridesmaids all gather around Alan and put their hands on him. It turned out to be such a fun picture. It was nice to break the monotony that you sometimes get in wedding pics.

Summary of wedding details - Beforehand prep

I have not yet posted details about how our wedding went because I was hoping to accompany them with pictures which just seem to take so long to upload lately. Perhaps I'll add the pics later.

In the morning, I first had to fetch my dress from the cleaners as it had only been cleaned the day before. We then headed for where we were having our hair and makeup done. I had decided to go last and so in the interim, I sent Bran, who was having her and makeup done seperately from us, smses of things I'd forgotten that Alan needed to bring. To say I sent her about 20 smses is probably an understatement. We'd forgotten the garter, I'd forgotten to pack clothes and my toothbrush for our stay at the venue and the list just went on and on and on.

That aside, while we waited I wrote my vows, in rhyme of course, stretched, practiced our dance a little by myself and drank coffee and ate Woolies crunchy biscuits and paged through magazines to help the other ladies to find nice hairstyles.

Al, in the interim, was rushing around like a mad person buying a new garter because he couldn't find mine, ensuring that he had everything on the multiple sms list and picking up the cake, which cracked with all the bumps on the roads. Just a slight crack but this worried Alan a lot and amused his family to no end. The cake still looked amazing and apparently it tasted fantastic too. Oh yes, before hiring a private person to bake your cake, some bakeries have amazing cakes and better prices, so compare.

Eventually after my hair and makeup was done, we realised that we were running about half an hour late and so off we raced to the venue, all of us, barring Bran and Nicola who were already at the venue, squashed into my little Chevy Spark. Upon arrival, the car guards refused to let us in the gate and insisted that we park in the long grass and walk from there. If you had never seen a bunch of ladies protest, then this would've been a sight to behold. Eventually they clicked that we weren't just guests and let us in.

We'd decided on "All I ask of you" from The Phantom of the Opera to walk down the aisle to a few minutes before and so Alan smsed the DJ and he started the music...

How to degenerate into a lump of sadness and boredom and crave the company of goats.

Onceuponatime there was a person who used to laugh at everyone's misfortunes because they grew up in a home where being mean to people was regarded as funny. Their parents would shock them with electrical cables as tiny children and laugh at how they cried at the pain. To stop the crying, the parents would then tell the one child "Go and fetch you sister and let's do it to her too!" You can understand that children like these who regarded their parents as incapable of making any mistakes might turn out a little, well, unbalanced.
So one day this person grew up and moved out of home and ended up living with other people and spending all their time in their room making videos of themselves telling people how to do various things in the hopes that it would enrich their lives as well. I watched a few minutes of each clip, including their song about a goat sung in a bad, fake American accent and then just stopped it. Sounds funny, doesn't it? It had potential to be funny, yes but honestly it was just painful. It was like watching someone who is a drug addict teaching people how to stay clean and sober.

I'm not saying that if you laugh at people's misfortunes and are mean that you'll end up lonely and making Youtube videos in your room by yourself singing random rubbish and telling people how to love others because nobody loves you anymore because you were so mean. No, hang on, I am.

Brazillian Blowout

I have long debated and researched the Brazillian Blowout because I have wavy frizz-prone hair.

What it basically is is Keratin protein which seals your hair cuticles, thus reducing the frizz and nourishing your hair to make it super shiny and manageable. It also makes your hair straight, or considerably less wavy. This isn't done by the Keratin but instead by a very small portion (2% or less) of Formaldehyde. Yes, you read right, formaldehyde. Toxic? Well, yes BUT they don't apply it directly to your scalp and there are small quantities of formaldehyde in everyday cleaning products anyway. While the hairdressers will insist that their product is formaldehyde-free, it is not. It contains a derivative of formaldehyde but as it's 2% or less, they can declare it "Formaldehyde-free." Oh, for those who might not know, formaldehyde is what they use to preserve dead people in.

So this was my experience:

I went to the hairdresser, a little nervous about the effects some people have experienced when they heat the product as it emits fumes which are dangerous should there be insufficient ventilation. They were great though and answered all my questions and reassured me. The hairdressers, not the fumes.

First they washed my hair with shampoo that felt like it stripped my hair terribly. I had to sit with that on for 20 minutes. The shampoo removes all the build-up and natural oils from your hair so that the product can penetrate the hair shaft.

Next they applied the product which smelt a little like oranges. They then gave me a dust mask, as I'm asthmatic, and told me to close my eyes while they dried my hair almost completely with a hairdryer.
Once my hair was almost dry, they flat-ironed each section 10 times. There were two working on my head at once so it took about an hour in total to do the whole treatment.

Once they had flat-ironed my hair, it was back to the basin where they washed and conditioned my hair with Sulphate-free shampoo and conditioner. They dried it brushing it occasionally with a normal hairbrush and my hair was dead straight and super shiny and my hair colour was more vibrant!

I then went and bought some sulphate-free shampoo from Dischem, as the hairdresser's is significantly more expensive and does the same thing, and some nice conditioner. The sulphates are just a cheap foaming agent but they strip colour from your hair and dry it out quite badly and can even contribute to hairloss.

I have since tried just leaving my hair to dry with no heat to tame it and it dries with the slightest wave and hardly any frizz. I love it!

Most of these treatments require 4 days of no washing your hair or tying it up or wetting it but not this one, I was able to go home and wash my hair immediately if I so desired. It did start pouring with rain as they were blow-waving my hair at the end so I left with a packet tied around my head much to the amusement of the patrons in the beauty section having their nails done. I suppose saying "Thanks so much! I really love it!" to the hairdresser while you stand there with a packet on your head is rather amusing.

It is a pretty pricey treatment but it lasts for 3-6 months. I admittedly didn't pay full price for mine and there are always specials on these treatments so if you have it done, shop around first.

I would recommend this to anyone who battles with their hair but do your research and know what your lungs or eyes can and can't handle as far as toxic fumes go. Some people get sick but honestly, I felt fine.

It just seems to go on and on...

On Friday, I spent most of my day in fits of giggles that this whole midget saga had continued to the point of making front page news.

This morning I received two emails, one from the journalist who had published the story, for an ad on human growth hormones, and one from Brett, the advertiser on gumtree who originally requested a midget, saying that he was interviewed on the radio this morning.

I went to the radio's website (www.jacarandafm.com) and found a podcast and a write-up on the midget story. I didn't get to hear the actual interview with Brett, just the part where the radio had found a midget to go to Brett's work to kick him!

The midget went into his building and into the office he believed to be Brett's and ran in and kicked him in the shins a few times and said "This is from your ex-girlfriend!" only to discover that he had kicked the wrong guy! I was almost crying from laughter listening to this!

Brett's ex had been following this entire saga and loved every moment of it and was missing him, according to him. I asked if he was going to demand that she bake him something from every page in the expensive baking book he'd bought her before he considered taking her back to which he replied that he wouldn't take her back but would like lots of baked goods. Look out for his next gumtree post on looking for baked goods.

Should you be a maker of baked goods, consider the poor heartbroken guy and send him a tray or two. You could just make the papers!

The Midget Story - my 15 minutes

I'll cut a long story short and will simply post the article published in todays Star Newspaper. I never thought it would go this far but anyway, the result is rather amusing:


Wanted: a midget to kick ex-lover
March 2 2012 at 07:40am
By THERESA TAYLOR

Comment on this story


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www.gumtree.co.za


A Joburg man has taken to an online forum to request that a midget kick his ex-girlfriend. And he’s quite upset that he isn’t being taken seriously.

Despite the advert being viewed over 2 500 times on the Gumtree website since Monday (the same day his ex ended the relationship) the man, known only as Brett, says he has received replies from the obese and women armed with heels, but no willing little people.

“I was recently dumped and require the services of a midget to go and kick my ex-girlfriend in the shins whilst she is at work,” reads Brett’s bizarre Gumtree advert.

“All you need to do is go into the shop, kick her once (not too hard) in the shin, and leave. I’ll supply all the details needed if you are hired.”

He adds that a friend requires a midget to do flick-flacks and breathe fire at their wedding.

During a phone interview with The Star on Thursday, Brett seemed appalled at the suggestion that his advert might be a joke.

“I clearly took it out because I want my ex-girlfriend to be kicked in the shins,” he said. “Midget revenge is the only form of revenge that works these days.”

He rejected the assertion that his actions were discriminatory towards little people. “F*** if I care,” he said. “They know they are midgets. I’m not being politically correct about this.”

He took a similar stance on violence. “Violence would be if I asked the midget to kick her hard and then set her on fire.”

Brett, who works for a Sandton marketing company, said on Sunday, the day before he was dumped, had been his ex’s birthday. They had been dating for two months and he had bought her an expensive baking book. But when she dumped him, he couldn’t take it back because he had written her name in it.

This delightful young man, who claims to have the body of Brad Pitt and the personality of “everyone awesome ever”, did receive a response to his advert, which he rejected.

A woman called Audrey replied, thinking the advert was a joke. She said she was relatively short and had spiky heels she could use to hit Brett’s ex.

“Sometimes I’ve bad days and perhaps giving someone a mild kicking would help,” she added. Brett said: “If you’re not a midget, you’re a waste of time and space. Sorry. Declined.”

After a lengthy e-mail interchange between the two in which clowns and making people cry was discussed, Audrey decided Brett was more rude than funny. She posted the following response advert on Gumtree.

“A very angry man recently dumped is suffering from severe anger issues and in need of some serious therapy. He also has midget fetishes and as a result is suffering from poor social skills and needs some help to adjust into normal society.

“Please help this poor man to get over his issues as there aren’t many midgets out there and he’ll end up feeling lost and lonely.”

Brett claims he is a serious man and continues to seek an answer to his advert. - The Star.


I have since received numerous responses to my own gumtree ad and they've been very funny :)

I often think that we get bored because we just sit there and let things happen around us and life is always more interesting if we create memories. I just didn't think that this would be one of those times :D

The miraculous return of the Sausage

On Tuesday last week, I arrived home to find Gub, my sausage dog, missing. Naturally I ran all over the complex calling and up and down the road and then we drove around a fair bit and called and eventually we had to come home where I sat and cried for 2 hours and then went to bed.

The next day I woke up determined to find my puppy. I phoned the SPCA and the nearby vets and made posters for him, which my friend, Mel, helped me to erect on trees and stop signs, etc.

I had just about given up when the SPCA told me that a tan sausage had been handed in on the Thursday morning. I rushed over there first thing on Saturday morning convinced it would be my precious little sausage dog only to discover that it wasn't. I was ready to fall to pieces all over again.

I made a decision that I needed to find Fatty a buddy because she was so lonely and pining too terribly and then if Gub came back, we'd just have 3 dogs. As I was driving around looking for a suitable puppy, Mel phoned me telling me that she thinks she'd found Gub.

Gub had been let out by the garden service and had then been let out of the main gate and, being scared of the thunder, had run to a nearby house where there were other dogs. The owner of the house had taken him inside and in that time period, Melissa's dad had gone to visit this man, unaware of any missing sausage. The owner of the house had then taken Gub with him to a pub, seeing as his dogs wanted to kill Gub, and had left him with the bar owners.

Gub hung out at the pub for a few days sleeping on a blanket and befriending all the patrons until a waitress decided that she was going to take him home to the next town.

Mel then went to visit her parents on Saturday morning and told them how Gub was missing and her dad piped up and said that he knew where Gub was! He phoned his friend who phoned the pub who gave the number of the waitress out and so Mel phoned me and we phoned the waitress and jumped in the car and drove to fetch him!

I was so very relieved to have Gub back as was Fatty!

The back gate has since been secured closed and locked and we've decided to rather get a gardener in and pay him than use the complex garden service as they almost cost us our mini-woof!

We're all on drugs. Yep you too, did you know?

Apparently. Yes, apparently having any sort of anxiety or going to make coffee or to the bathroom or blinking too many times or having a cold or anything whatsoever that isn't regarded as 100% "normal" means that a person is on drugs.

I am so annoyed and sick of this. How can a person, who probably is on drugs themselves, or most certainly was, accuse everyone else who is carrying on as any other person would or are responding to the circumstances in a way that they feel best, accuse others of being on drugs?! Behind their backs too!

It's projecting in my opinion. Projecting what they themselves are/were guilty of because they cannot fathom any other reasonable explanation for the absolute normality of the situation.
Today, I said something back. I said "Person blah blah, you think everyone's on drugs!" and they just said nothing.

Maybe we should all go on drugs, it would certainly help us to cope better with these wild accusations! Then again, maybe the accuser should go on drugs; Psychiatric drugs that will prevent the paranoia and delusional behaviour we're all subjected to every day!