I'll cut a long story short and will simply post the article published in todays Star Newspaper. I never thought it would go this far but anyway, the result is rather amusing:
Wanted: a midget to kick ex-lover
March 2 2012 at 07:40am
By THERESA TAYLOR
Comment on this story
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www.gumtree.co.za
A Joburg man has taken to an online forum to request that a midget kick his ex-girlfriend. And he’s quite upset that he isn’t being taken seriously.
Despite the advert being viewed over 2 500 times on the Gumtree website since Monday (the same day his ex ended the relationship) the man, known only as Brett, says he has received replies from the obese and women armed with heels, but no willing little people.
“I was recently dumped and require the services of a midget to go and kick my ex-girlfriend in the shins whilst she is at work,” reads Brett’s bizarre Gumtree advert.
“All you need to do is go into the shop, kick her once (not too hard) in the shin, and leave. I’ll supply all the details needed if you are hired.”
He adds that a friend requires a midget to do flick-flacks and breathe fire at their wedding.
During a phone interview with The Star on Thursday, Brett seemed appalled at the suggestion that his advert might be a joke.
“I clearly took it out because I want my ex-girlfriend to be kicked in the shins,” he said. “Midget revenge is the only form of revenge that works these days.”
He rejected the assertion that his actions were discriminatory towards little people. “F*** if I care,” he said. “They know they are midgets. I’m not being politically correct about this.”
He took a similar stance on violence. “Violence would be if I asked the midget to kick her hard and then set her on fire.”
Brett, who works for a Sandton marketing company, said on Sunday, the day before he was dumped, had been his ex’s birthday. They had been dating for two months and he had bought her an expensive baking book. But when she dumped him, he couldn’t take it back because he had written her name in it.
This delightful young man, who claims to have the body of Brad Pitt and the personality of “everyone awesome ever”, did receive a response to his advert, which he rejected.
A woman called Audrey replied, thinking the advert was a joke. She said she was relatively short and had spiky heels she could use to hit Brett’s ex.
“Sometimes I’ve bad days and perhaps giving someone a mild kicking would help,” she added. Brett said: “If you’re not a midget, you’re a waste of time and space. Sorry. Declined.”
After a lengthy e-mail interchange between the two in which clowns and making people cry was discussed, Audrey decided Brett was more rude than funny. She posted the following response advert on Gumtree.
“A very angry man recently dumped is suffering from severe anger issues and in need of some serious therapy. He also has midget fetishes and as a result is suffering from poor social skills and needs some help to adjust into normal society.
“Please help this poor man to get over his issues as there aren’t many midgets out there and he’ll end up feeling lost and lonely.”
Brett claims he is a serious man and continues to seek an answer to his advert. - The Star.
I have since received numerous responses to my own gumtree ad and they've been very funny :)
I often think that we get bored because we just sit there and let things happen around us and life is always more interesting if we create memories. I just didn't think that this would be one of those times :D
Friday, March 2, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
The miraculous return of the Sausage
On Tuesday last week, I arrived home to find Gub, my sausage dog, missing. Naturally I ran all over the complex calling and up and down the road and then we drove around a fair bit and called and eventually we had to come home where I sat and cried for 2 hours and then went to bed.
The next day I woke up determined to find my puppy. I phoned the SPCA and the nearby vets and made posters for him, which my friend, Mel, helped me to erect on trees and stop signs, etc.
I had just about given up when the SPCA told me that a tan sausage had been handed in on the Thursday morning. I rushed over there first thing on Saturday morning convinced it would be my precious little sausage dog only to discover that it wasn't. I was ready to fall to pieces all over again.
I made a decision that I needed to find Fatty a buddy because she was so lonely and pining too terribly and then if Gub came back, we'd just have 3 dogs. As I was driving around looking for a suitable puppy, Mel phoned me telling me that she thinks she'd found Gub.
Gub had been let out by the garden service and had then been let out of the main gate and, being scared of the thunder, had run to a nearby house where there were other dogs. The owner of the house had taken him inside and in that time period, Melissa's dad had gone to visit this man, unaware of any missing sausage. The owner of the house had then taken Gub with him to a pub, seeing as his dogs wanted to kill Gub, and had left him with the bar owners.
Gub hung out at the pub for a few days sleeping on a blanket and befriending all the patrons until a waitress decided that she was going to take him home to the next town.
Mel then went to visit her parents on Saturday morning and told them how Gub was missing and her dad piped up and said that he knew where Gub was! He phoned his friend who phoned the pub who gave the number of the waitress out and so Mel phoned me and we phoned the waitress and jumped in the car and drove to fetch him!
I was so very relieved to have Gub back as was Fatty!
The back gate has since been secured closed and locked and we've decided to rather get a gardener in and pay him than use the complex garden service as they almost cost us our mini-woof!
Monday, February 6, 2012
We're all on drugs. Yep you too, did you know?
Apparently. Yes, apparently having any sort of anxiety or going to make coffee or to the bathroom or blinking too many times or having a cold or anything whatsoever that isn't regarded as 100% "normal" means that a person is on drugs.
I am so annoyed and sick of this. How can a person, who probably is on drugs themselves, or most certainly was, accuse everyone else who is carrying on as any other person would or are responding to the circumstances in a way that they feel best, accuse others of being on drugs?! Behind their backs too!
It's projecting in my opinion. Projecting what they themselves are/were guilty of because they cannot fathom any other reasonable explanation for the absolute normality of the situation.
Today, I said something back. I said "Person blah blah, you think everyone's on drugs!" and they just said nothing.
Maybe we should all go on drugs, it would certainly help us to cope better with these wild accusations! Then again, maybe the accuser should go on drugs; Psychiatric drugs that will prevent the paranoia and delusional behaviour we're all subjected to every day!
I am so annoyed and sick of this. How can a person, who probably is on drugs themselves, or most certainly was, accuse everyone else who is carrying on as any other person would or are responding to the circumstances in a way that they feel best, accuse others of being on drugs?! Behind their backs too!
It's projecting in my opinion. Projecting what they themselves are/were guilty of because they cannot fathom any other reasonable explanation for the absolute normality of the situation.
Today, I said something back. I said "Person blah blah, you think everyone's on drugs!" and they just said nothing.
Maybe we should all go on drugs, it would certainly help us to cope better with these wild accusations! Then again, maybe the accuser should go on drugs; Psychiatric drugs that will prevent the paranoia and delusional behaviour we're all subjected to every day!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Bullying disguised as "I'm just trying to help you."
Have you ever experienced one of those people who will point out all your faults, mistakes, flaws and make a big deal out of nonsense because they're "just trying to help you?" Do not be fooled! Do not stop and think "I am so pathetic and useless and awful and so-and-so is so wonderful because they have all the answers and are so nice because they're really trying to help me!"
If you start thinking that way, stop, take your hand, lift it up, move it as far back behind your head as you can and bring it around hard and fast and land it on your cheek! Sore? Well, it's just the literal version of what they, and you, are doing to you.
I've said this before, but deleted it after 5 minutes and now after some consideration and discussion with many people who seem to face this problem day in and day out, I can no longer keep quiet.
We all make mistakes, we all have flaws, we are human. It's not a free pass to mess up as often as possible but it does warrant a little something called encouragement and motivation. Through this, we tend to focus more and feel more enthusiastic about what we're doing and make fewer errors.
Motivation is a driving force behind productivity and productivity is what we're all, essentially, aiming for. How one is motivated is different to how another is motivated but there is one way that NOBODY is motivated and that is by screaming, name calling and overwhelming someone. This builds anger, resentment, unhealthy stress levels and a complete lack of motivation. It's obvious, why would anyone want to do anything for anyone who is horrible to them?
Trying to scare the living daylights out of someone to get results seldom ends in a good finished product either.
If you're subject to someone like this, don't get upset and annoyed and angry at this person, instead take some refuge in the fact that they know no better than to bully others to get their way. You should feel sorry for them in their lack of social skills and lack of common sense. Nobody likes a bully, shame they're so unliked. And then you move on and realise that while you may/may not have to tolerate them, you can control how much they get to you with their rubbish.
If you really can't handle it and have tried to explain how their behaviour is destructive and upsetting to no avail, move on, cut them out, change your phone number and never look back.
If you start thinking that way, stop, take your hand, lift it up, move it as far back behind your head as you can and bring it around hard and fast and land it on your cheek! Sore? Well, it's just the literal version of what they, and you, are doing to you.
I've said this before, but deleted it after 5 minutes and now after some consideration and discussion with many people who seem to face this problem day in and day out, I can no longer keep quiet.
We all make mistakes, we all have flaws, we are human. It's not a free pass to mess up as often as possible but it does warrant a little something called encouragement and motivation. Through this, we tend to focus more and feel more enthusiastic about what we're doing and make fewer errors.
Motivation is a driving force behind productivity and productivity is what we're all, essentially, aiming for. How one is motivated is different to how another is motivated but there is one way that NOBODY is motivated and that is by screaming, name calling and overwhelming someone. This builds anger, resentment, unhealthy stress levels and a complete lack of motivation. It's obvious, why would anyone want to do anything for anyone who is horrible to them?
Trying to scare the living daylights out of someone to get results seldom ends in a good finished product either.
If you're subject to someone like this, don't get upset and annoyed and angry at this person, instead take some refuge in the fact that they know no better than to bully others to get their way. You should feel sorry for them in their lack of social skills and lack of common sense. Nobody likes a bully, shame they're so unliked. And then you move on and realise that while you may/may not have to tolerate them, you can control how much they get to you with their rubbish.
If you really can't handle it and have tried to explain how their behaviour is destructive and upsetting to no avail, move on, cut them out, change your phone number and never look back.
Guest Post - Tam
Auds asked all her friends for guest posts about anything we pleased and threw out random suggestions. Luckily Di and I have never had an incident with jam, or anything else...
I think I shall talk about activities. See, my boyfriend and I do Ballroom and Latin American dancing and he climbs and I sometimes climb when the heights are not too daunting and I'm feeling brave (not often - I stay on the ground and take pictures or belay - yes Gawie, I can now belay). So how does one combine these activities to find something that works for me, encourages fitness and builds strength (so the climbing will no longer be scary)? The answer - Pole Fitness!
No, I do not pole dance in nothing but a thong and those weird stick on things! (I don't know whether my mother in-law believes me) The strength work involved in pole dancing is used to create an aerobic and weight work out that leaves you exhausted and stiff (no pun intended). And if you don't believe that it's a real workout, go YouTube Zoraya Judd. She has a six pack that would scare most body builders.
So yes... I recently took up pole fitness and it's been fun. A tough ride for those of us who are not terribly fit and have no upper body strength to speak of, but it's worth every moment of struggle. And let's not even talk about the bruises....
Anyway, check it out if there's a studio near you. It's addictive
And that's me
Tamarah Johnstone-Robertson
I think I shall talk about activities. See, my boyfriend and I do Ballroom and Latin American dancing and he climbs and I sometimes climb when the heights are not too daunting and I'm feeling brave (not often - I stay on the ground and take pictures or belay - yes Gawie, I can now belay). So how does one combine these activities to find something that works for me, encourages fitness and builds strength (so the climbing will no longer be scary)? The answer - Pole Fitness!
No, I do not pole dance in nothing but a thong and those weird stick on things! (I don't know whether my mother in-law believes me) The strength work involved in pole dancing is used to create an aerobic and weight work out that leaves you exhausted and stiff (no pun intended). And if you don't believe that it's a real workout, go YouTube Zoraya Judd. She has a six pack that would scare most body builders.
So yes... I recently took up pole fitness and it's been fun. A tough ride for those of us who are not terribly fit and have no upper body strength to speak of, but it's worth every moment of struggle. And let's not even talk about the bruises....
Anyway, check it out if there's a studio near you. It's addictive
And that's me
Tamarah Johnstone-Robertson
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Ramblings while waiting to go home
my husband now thinks he is gay. Story over.
O.k, not really, that was typed by him. Not that he's confessing, he's more like, um, well, he's just saying random nonsense because he thinks it's funny. I suppose that was the point of this blog in the first place. Anyway, it made me think of something fun to do, if my friends will humour me that is.
I have two friend, o.k, no I meant two friends but if you read that with a chinese accent, it makes sense... with their own blogs who are really into fashion. I'm not really into fashion, I like clothes, I like some clothes that are fashionable but I'm more a "I must be able to wear it in 3 years without thinking "What on earth was I thinking?!"" kind of person, but I do understand that fashion appeals on a very deep level to many people so I'm going to beg my dear friends to write a guest post on fashion, or on something particularly fashionable right now.
One of my other friends is very interested in dancing and she too has a blog, mainly about gaming and the cookie-monster. She'd be most unimpressed if her cookie-monster started appealing to other people so maybe she shouldn't write about him and just stick to the gaming.
I have another friend who loves to climb who was going to start a blog but never did and so I'll ask him to write a post about climbing.
I'll ask a few other friends about odds and ends that they're really into and see what we come up with.
I shall do one on "awesome bathrooms" or "The down side of corn chips" or even "What happens when you don't brush your hair for two days and wear a cap instead."
O.k, not really, that was typed by him. Not that he's confessing, he's more like, um, well, he's just saying random nonsense because he thinks it's funny. I suppose that was the point of this blog in the first place. Anyway, it made me think of something fun to do, if my friends will humour me that is.
I have two friend, o.k, no I meant two friends but if you read that with a chinese accent, it makes sense... with their own blogs who are really into fashion. I'm not really into fashion, I like clothes, I like some clothes that are fashionable but I'm more a "I must be able to wear it in 3 years without thinking "What on earth was I thinking?!"" kind of person, but I do understand that fashion appeals on a very deep level to many people so I'm going to beg my dear friends to write a guest post on fashion, or on something particularly fashionable right now.
One of my other friends is very interested in dancing and she too has a blog, mainly about gaming and the cookie-monster. She'd be most unimpressed if her cookie-monster started appealing to other people so maybe she shouldn't write about him and just stick to the gaming.
I have another friend who loves to climb who was going to start a blog but never did and so I'll ask him to write a post about climbing.
I'll ask a few other friends about odds and ends that they're really into and see what we come up with.
I shall do one on "awesome bathrooms" or "The down side of corn chips" or even "What happens when you don't brush your hair for two days and wear a cap instead."
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Cake money
I had a chat with a close friend today about her precious little halflings and what things for nursery school and school cost. I haven't been in school now for, well, a long, long time and I really don't know these things.
One of the things that I was absolutely astonished by was parents being forced to pay a compulsory cake fee! No really! They were paying money for their kids to have cake every Friday.
She told me that a child must bring a cake every Friday and then everybody pays R5 to have a piece! R5 for a slice of cake! In a restaurant, you'd go nuts but a cake bought from the local Spar isn't worth R5 a slice in my opinion. Plus, if parents already have to pay for a cake to be brought in the first place, surely they can say, "O.k, well, Jimmy is entitled to 8 weeks worth of cake, including this one, because the cake cost R40 and it's not like anyone's paying me for the cake" but I think they call it "Fund Raising." What's worse is that the poor kids who can't have their cake and eat it, still have to pay! I hope those kids insist on having their cake, even if it's to squish it into balls and make figurines out of it.
O.k, if we had a cake Friday at work, I would not object, I'd be the first to grab a plate and cake fork but Al can handle my sugar rushes. My poor friends who have kids, however, are tired and having bouncing children until all hours because they're high on cake isn't fair.
I'm going to tell Al about this cake story tonight and I just know he's going to say "Well feed them Froot Loops and Lollipops for breakfast and send them to nursery school with a sugar rush and make it the school's problem!"
I'm glad that nursery school children don't read my blog or I'd have squashed cake mailed to me for sure!
One of the things that I was absolutely astonished by was parents being forced to pay a compulsory cake fee! No really! They were paying money for their kids to have cake every Friday.
She told me that a child must bring a cake every Friday and then everybody pays R5 to have a piece! R5 for a slice of cake! In a restaurant, you'd go nuts but a cake bought from the local Spar isn't worth R5 a slice in my opinion. Plus, if parents already have to pay for a cake to be brought in the first place, surely they can say, "O.k, well, Jimmy is entitled to 8 weeks worth of cake, including this one, because the cake cost R40 and it's not like anyone's paying me for the cake" but I think they call it "Fund Raising." What's worse is that the poor kids who can't have their cake and eat it, still have to pay! I hope those kids insist on having their cake, even if it's to squish it into balls and make figurines out of it.
O.k, if we had a cake Friday at work, I would not object, I'd be the first to grab a plate and cake fork but Al can handle my sugar rushes. My poor friends who have kids, however, are tired and having bouncing children until all hours because they're high on cake isn't fair.
I'm going to tell Al about this cake story tonight and I just know he's going to say "Well feed them Froot Loops and Lollipops for breakfast and send them to nursery school with a sugar rush and make it the school's problem!"
I'm glad that nursery school children don't read my blog or I'd have squashed cake mailed to me for sure!
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