When it's over, it's over. Move on.

I have recently encountered people who break up with the people that they date for good or not so good reason and then get fed up when those poor (or most often actually, extremely lucky) people don't pine for them forever! They want to be "The one that got away".

Um, there is no such thing. Generally if you dump someone and expect them to pine for you, they really are better off, no matter how wonderful you consider yourself to be. A person who delights at the pain and sadness of another is merely a liability; A lump of coal to be swept out of the path and forgotten as you move on to your diamond.

It is most often that when these poor sods wake up and realise what a favour the dumper did them, they feel that overwhelming sense of relief and freedom and move on without looking back and it is the person who is fed up at not being hung-up on who is left actually being hung up on a long-forgotten moment. It is a sad, sad thing and a degree of narcissism that can't be considered healthy or normal.

Should any friendship ensue afterward, it is usually because the person who was dumped has moved on to such a degree that the dumper has absolutely no effect on them whatsoever. Sadly this is often misunderstood by the dumper as them still having some effect on the now very happy dumpee and perhaps reignites the ludicrous notion that they were, in fact, "the one that got away". It is rather amusing on some level and just absolutely astounding at the level of absolute ignorance that these Dumpers have as they really just don't get it.

To spell it out for the men and women out there who actually think that their ex is crying into their pillow at night for them or secretly kicks themselves for having "let you get away", wake up, you are not missed, not pined for and that person is most certainly better off as you turned out to be a bad, bad person. Now let it go and move on, dammit!

Alan

There was a bunny and he used to hop everywhere at a speed unknown to anyone, except him and really, really fast people. He even hopped in zigzags! It was incredible!

This post has no meaning or relevance, except one, to see if Alan will read it. Alan is the bunny in question. He is my bunny. My very precious and sweet bunny and I love him to bits but I know when he is lying and I know when he pretends to do stuff or read stuff and give me feedback :D

If you are reading, Al, I love you so very much and can't wait to hop in those speedy little zigzags with you forever!!

Lots of love
NutoftheBun
xxx

"Stop! In 10 years from now..."

Have you ever had something big happen, good or bad, and thought "I wish I could go back and do things differently!" ? Most people do and while it's ideal to try and live with minimal regret, it's impossible not to have some.

I've often thought that if time travel were possible, I would go back to certain instances and run up to myself and say "Stop! In ten years from now..." and explain to my younger self why I should or should not do/eat/date/stare at/jump on/skip/attend certain people/events/moments/fabric softener containers, etc, etc.

There is the theory that if things didn't happen exactly the way they did, you wouldn't end up where you are now. Cause and effect. True. But sometimes, there's more than one way to an outcome and a lot of pain and misery and embarrassment and doctors bills and therapy bills and wasted time and energy could be avoided.

So, here are a few of my ideas of how I would've changed things and where I suspect it would've led to:

1984 - Tom Thumb Creche in Aunty Pam, the principle's office - "STOP! Don't be cheeky to Aunty Pam and tell her that it isn't her jungle gym, lean over instead and take Mr Pink and wallop her on the head and run! You'll be taken out of this rubbish nursery school and will be able to stay at home and not be exposed to these idiotic women who don't know anything about children."

I probably would've listened. Darn! Or maybe not and kicked myself really hard and run. I was a bit wild.

1991 - Primary school - "STOP! Don't bother trying to be that little girl's friend, she's a cow and you'll end up not speaking to her ever again in a few years anyway and won't feel upset at all!"

I probably would've told myself that I wasn't allowed to talk to strangers and walked away. So silly!

1995 - High School in homeroom where I was given 5 seconds to make my subject choice so that the admin department could finish their schedule - "STOP! This cow can't fail you! And don't choose history as a subject, you'll never actually study for the exam and you'll end up refusing to go to school and you'll end up leaving and buying the textbooks and just doing it all at home with totally different subjects anyway and it won't be very easy or fun!"

I would probably think "hmmm, home schooling...I like that idea!"

1999 - First serious boyfriend - "STOP! Just date this guy for a year until he pushes you to have some direction and then leave!!"

I would probably not have listened.

2004 - Buying a house with a person I thought I would marry - "STOP!! This dude is going to screw you over and you'll never be a first time buyer again and it will cause a messier than normal breakup and the guy is just a monster in a tutu. Run! And take the dogs and cats with you and kick his dad before you leave. Hard."

I may have started to question my sanity here at seeing myself giving me advice but I may very well have listened anyway.

2006 - Moving to Cape Town - "STOP!" Buy a new radiator cap and don't let the other chicky drive as she'll push your little car too far and it will break and cost you the earth until you sell the car!"

I would not have told anyone about this new-found strangely helpful craziness but I would've listened.

2007 - Dating someone who was looking for a relationship of convenience - "STOP! Just walk away. In fact, go back to Joburg NOW!"

I wouldn't have listened. I would've started consulting a psychiatrist though.

2009 - Shunning certain people after my dad died - "No, you keep going! It's long overdue anyway!"

Hmmm...

2010 - Being proposed to in Cape Town - "SAY YES!! Don't stand there and think about it for 3 weeks! Just jump up and down and scream "YES!!!!" because you know you're going to say "yes" anyway! And make arrangements to spend time with your friends who mean a lot to you, especially Kerry."

By now I would've been so medicated that I probably would've just obediently complied.

I sat wondering this morning what I would be saying to myself ten years from now, or even two years from now:

"STOP! You're stressing too much about stupid things and you will be bald on your wedding day if you don't stop! Don't wear fake nails again! Buy a warmer coat and stop drinking coffee!"

At least I hope that's the worst it could be :)

Thanks goodness I am not medicated nor do I plan to be but if I ever see myself approaching me, I'd probably faint and never hear what I have to say anyway. Figures.

Trying to find the answers

Every now and then, I decide to go and read up on stomach cancer or liver failure or colon cancer or just do a symptom search for what happened to my dad when he died because I don't believe the 2 minute autopsy that we had to get a court order to do and it was done by lazy government employees and Jhb Gen's doctors refuse to speak to me about my dad's medical history and while you may think "But it was over a year ago, just let it go", it's not so easy when you don't have the answers. It's not as upsetting anymore which is why I also do it, because I am able to look and read and remember, without wanting to burst into tears and will hopefully find some answer which sounds more plausible and I will then let it go.

Today was acute liver failure. This seems very possible actually. He took copious amounts of pain killers for the constant pain he was in for his joints and headaches and all sorts of other things. It could've really only been from taking too many of them at once. Those nasty yellow painkillers that taste so vile but work so well? Bad news! Stay away! My gran also didn't look so hot on her death bed and it was also most likely from these painkillers.

So far, this has been the closest I have come to his exact symptoms. Next time I have flu, I'll ask my GP what he thinks.