Sunday, July 8, 2012

The start of telepathy after 6 and a half months of marriage.

It is said that after years and years of marriage, the communication between partners could almost be completely non-verbal. She looks over at him and he just gets up and does the circus dance he knows she's dying to see. Or he looks over at her and she gets up and gets a butter knife to file his toenails because she knows how much he loves it.

So Al and I have been married for just over 6 months and well, we can't claim to be at that stage yet. Primarily because he just doesn't enjoy dancing and likes to cut his own toenails but also because, well, those things need to be earned. We are at the "babe..." followed by "Yes, I'll make coffee now" stage. It's a great stage to be at. You never have to actually say "Are you making coffee?" or "Will you make coffee, please?" It saves time and energy and vocal chords.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

A bedtime story

Onceuponatime there was a Small Man who lived in a shack. He didn't have much money because he couldn't get a decent job because he'd dropped out of school and had never finished. One day the Small Man went to a pub and met a woman there who was completely different to anyone he'd ever met before. She acted like a man, looked a bit like a man and had the same interests as men do. The Small Man was so lonely because people generally didn't like him that he decided to put a collar around the woman and take her home as a pet. The Small Man taught his pet woman how to make coffee and do simple tricks. But he was still sad because he couldn't find a job and so he started eating everything he could find in the hopes that it would make him feel better about himself. He ate the soap and the mattress and the bread in the cupboard and the yoghurt in the fridge. Heck, he even ate the fridge door. It didn't make him feel any better though, all it did was make him fat. So now he was sad, unemployed, lonely and fat. He spoke to his pet woman but she was far more interested in juggling oranges and just listened now and then when the man looked upset and screamed at her to make coffee. But wait! The Small Man did have a friend! He just didn't treat the friend that way. To the Small Man, he had nothing in common with this friend, they just went places together now and then. So one day, the Small Man and his pet woman invited themselves around to the friends house. The friend said "Hey Small Man, I know you don't have a job. I know of a job for you where they won't even care whether you have finished school or not. All you need to do is tolerate that they are drug addicts." The Small Man was excited. It paid more money than he'd ever earned before and that was really the most important thing in the Small Mans life. When the Small Man started his new job, the boss was very nasty to him and called him fat and told everyone that the Small Man was on drugs. The Small Mans friend heard about it and told the Small Mans boss that the Small Man was not on drugs at all. The friend got into trouble for this but it didn't matter because the friend had integrity and had a sense of loyalty to the Small Man and knew that the Small Man was not on drugs at all. The Small Man wanted to leave and said "Friend! You must leave too!" but the friend said "I wish I could but I can't just leave Small Man, I won't be able to buy food if I leave." This made the Small Man very angry because he didn't care about anyone but himself but he kept quiet and didn't leave. The Small Man started telling the friend every day how his pet woman didn't want to marry him but how he'd sort of found a way around it by forcing her to have a commitment ceremony, like a fake wedding. This meant that they would not really be married at all but would get lots of presents. The Small Man said it was better because he would lose too much money if he married his pet woman anyway. The friend could see quite clearly why the pet woman didn't want to marry the Small Man but it was up to the Small Man to find out why so the friend just kept quiet. The Small Man also told the friend many, many things about how awful his life was when growing up and the friend realised that this Small Man was looking for pity and not to rise above the bad things and change the circumstances and make a success of his life. When the Small Man did not receive enough pity, he started to get angry and nasty to the friend. The Small Man tried to bully the friend and force the friend to do whatever he wanted and the more the friend stood up to him, the nastier the Small Man became. One day the Small Man's boss said to the Small Man "Small Man, I don't like your friend anymore. I will pay you to kill your friend." and so the Small Man said "Ok" and killed the friend with a big knife in the back. The Small Man went home and lied to his pet woman and told her that he'd had to kill the friend out of self-defence. The pet woman, blowing on her toenails, looked up with her bruised and battered face and said "La la la la, potato chips are nice" because she'd sustained a head injury after her last beating for making bad coffee and it was all that she could say. Perhaps the Small Man was on drugs afterall. The end.


So I swapped these duckies mentioned further down there for a gorgeous husky pup and named her Pudding. She has had a couple of trips to the vet due to a very irratible stomach but that aside, she is full of life and has so much character. Pudding was an instant hit with the other two doggies and the three cause all sorts of mischief together and take up a lot of space on the bed which prompted me to buy Pudding her own bed and to teach her to sleep on this bed next to ours so that we could turn over and such and not lie in bed unable to move in case we knocked someone off the bed. So far, it's working wonderfully and it even leaves space for a cat to join us, if they so desire.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Quest for a duck

This morning I stumbled upon the need for a duck. I already had the use of 4, thanks to Mel, but I needed one more. At this point I cannot divulge why I needed the ducks as it would result in me getting into trouble. I have found the duck and will be getting into trouble anyway but sometimes, you need to make these small sacrifices for the greater good. I am not keeping the ducks but they will be going to a very happy home where they will be kept as pets and never get eaten. So in essence, it's a helpful thing I'm doing; I'm helping Mel rehome her ducks, I'm helping a lady start her mini-farm and I'm helping myself by gaining something out of it. I will post on Monday to let you know what I got. I may be homeless and on the streets as punishment but I'm sure it'll only be for a week or two ;)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Newnarb, Sbag, Nala and Yaj and a random something else.

The first part of this won't make sense except to that person who did a search for "PYC1502" and came across my blog: Don't read too much into it. And don't speak to too many other students about it because all the analysis will confuse you. It's more straightforward than you think. Just know your work REALLY well and then apply the analysis to your scenario and you'll do well. Good luck!PYC1502, I mean, not my blog. My blog should generally not be analysed, it's just rubbish mostly and if you analyse it, you will be very confused. I have notes if you need: (once again, on PYC1502)

O.k, now onward: These people were part of a discussion of how other people see you and how close it is to how you see yourself. This after I read a post about myself written by a friend and it was quite surprising as to how whacked I seemed to someone else! Funny though. So to those people, here are my thoughts on you:


Newnarb can be described in two ways. One is more relevant to years ago and one more relevant to now with flickers of the first one cropping up now and then.
Newnarb has always been a bit on the introverted side. Not unhealthily so though, just not the person who goes screaming and streaking at parties. She used to have moments of doing very strange things like drinking shampoo and adding carbonation to coffee. That was in her wilder days.
Newnarb is very hard on herself because that's how she's been taught to be towards herself because almost everyone else she knows is too. Be it in her work life, her home life or her other relationships, she's expected to give a lot. The thing is, she's just so good at it. She'd do well to take a breather though.
She has two and a half halflings who she devotes much of her time and attention to and it leaves her feeling exhausted at times but she keeps going and is there for those who need her. A very good mom. She loves easily and is empathetic and has a good sense of humour. She's the sort of friend you can ball your eyes out to or sit and laugh at absolutely nothing.


Sbag is quite a character. He's one of those people who also pushes himself a lot more than he should. He pushes himself to have so much balance in his life that it almost causes unbalance, which is sort of funny. He's the guy you have to book 2 months in advance lest he be off on a garden snail hunt or some other such interesting adventure. He has a terrific sense of humour but can be very serious when needed. If you have amusing ideas of what should happen to nasty people, he's the person you'd share it with. He sort of adds fuel to the fire but all in jest. A very deep and genuinely good person who goes between embracing his humanity fully and rejecting it fully. I've never cried in front of him really, once on the phone, but not someone you can display too much intense emotion to without making him rather uncomfortable.


Nala likes to pretend that he's so tough and serious and has no feelings but he's one of the sweetest and softest people I've ever met. I will probably be killed now so I'll stop there xxx


Yaj is an unusal sort of fellow. Yaj has not completely unique ideas but ideas that a lot of general society would not understand or agree with. This has lead to many an argument but it's always interesting and there's no ill-intent meant from either side. In fact, the fact that I can argue with Yaj is one of the things I like most about him. He has a spine, a viewpoint and he'll listen to mine and will state his and we'll argue but we're always friends and don't try and imposethe beliefs on each other. O.k, perhaps I do a little but I'm trying not to. Yaj needs cooking lessons. Yaj has a great sense of humour and general love of life and informal knowledge and people. He's extremely introverted and constantly on the lookout for new ways to help him to get out of his shell more.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wedding details - The reception

The reception felt a little surreal. We'd opted for our own table as to be able to eat in peace and not have people bother us with little things while we were trying to take it all in.

There were a few glitches such as us losing microphone sound and the DJ playing nothing on our playlist and starting our dance music too soon but that aside, it went well and we had fun and we didn't fall over in our dance so we were happy.

It was a success overall and despite the fact that even to this day, not one of those family members have bothered to explain or even contact us for that matter, we were very happy.

The entire experience of planning and the actual day would not have been possible without Tamarah, who did the ceremony and was my "Calm down, you'll be ok" person, Melissa who did the invites and kicked my bum into gear in a big way with the planning, Diana who tagged along to everything so that I didn't go alone and bought me the most beautiful veil, Branwen and Nicola who came into everything late but kept everything together for the reception and the day in general, Leandri for her kind words and concern for my sanity in the last few weeks, Trudy who organised our hair and makeup and my nails and toenails and the flowers; My mom, Elaine, who did our overlays and had contagious excitement, Hendri and Tamarah who saved us from having no cake and from doing the sprinkler in our dance, Leslie, my sister, for phoning me a few weeks before to clear up the confusion and making the effort to come as the day would've been empty without her even if the entire family had pitched. Lastly to Adam, Chantall, Hendri, Morne and Nadia for flying up from Cape Town to share our day with us and filling our home with fun and laughter and a relaxed atmosphere before the big day.

Wedding Details - The actual wedding ceremony

As we stood there with the music playing, we had a quick discussion and shuffle of who was walking in first and handed out everybodies flowers - a single red rose.

As I started walking down the aisle with my mom, I noticed the first big issue; My entire family, barring my sister and my mom, had just not bothered to pitch. I'd had one of my cousins tell me that she couldn't make it but the rest had said that they were coming. I whispered to my mom "Where is everyone?" but I was soon feeling much better as I approached Al and he helped me over the mini-moat by the podium.

The ceremony was conducted by my M.O.H, Tamarah as we had been legally married at Home Affairs two days before. It was short and lovely and involved some guest participation too.

Alan winged his vows and they went something like this:

"They say that you should bend the tree while it's still young. The problem is, you're older than me. I suppose then that I'll have to honour you, like an honourable person. I'll have to cherish you, as long as you bring me cherries. I'll hold you at 2am when Kevin (his boss) says that I can go home. I love you with all my heart and promise to do so all my life."

It was my turn next. With trembling hands, I took the paper I'd written my vows on and said:

"I'll love you 'till the sun comes up,
and you hold out your hand for your coffee cup.
I'll love you when you're sick in bed,
or have stubbed your toe or hurt your head.
I'll love you and will always think you're so hot,
and I'll keep all others, in my blind spot.
I'll love you regardless of if we have money,
and I'll laugh at your jokes even if they're not funny.
I'll love you when you're 103,
despite your liking Dragon Ball Zee.
I'll love you more and more everyday,
way beyond when our hair has turned grey.
What I'm saying is that it's you I love most,
I'll love you 'till I die and turn into a ghost."

After that we walked past our guests as they threw rose petals on us and we had our photos taken with the bridal party while the guests went to have starters.

The photographer was really nice in that he took pictures of whatever or whomever we wanted and he let us give ideas as to what we'd like in terms of poses, etc.
In one photo, I had the bridesmaids all gather around Alan and put their hands on him. It turned out to be such a fun picture. It was nice to break the monotony that you sometimes get in wedding pics.

Summary of wedding details - Beforehand prep

I have not yet posted details about how our wedding went because I was hoping to accompany them with pictures which just seem to take so long to upload lately. Perhaps I'll add the pics later.

In the morning, I first had to fetch my dress from the cleaners as it had only been cleaned the day before. We then headed for where we were having our hair and makeup done. I had decided to go last and so in the interim, I sent Bran, who was having her and makeup done seperately from us, smses of things I'd forgotten that Alan needed to bring. To say I sent her about 20 smses is probably an understatement. We'd forgotten the garter, I'd forgotten to pack clothes and my toothbrush for our stay at the venue and the list just went on and on and on.

That aside, while we waited I wrote my vows, in rhyme of course, stretched, practiced our dance a little by myself and drank coffee and ate Woolies crunchy biscuits and paged through magazines to help the other ladies to find nice hairstyles.

Al, in the interim, was rushing around like a mad person buying a new garter because he couldn't find mine, ensuring that he had everything on the multiple sms list and picking up the cake, which cracked with all the bumps on the roads. Just a slight crack but this worried Alan a lot and amused his family to no end. The cake still looked amazing and apparently it tasted fantastic too. Oh yes, before hiring a private person to bake your cake, some bakeries have amazing cakes and better prices, so compare.

Eventually after my hair and makeup was done, we realised that we were running about half an hour late and so off we raced to the venue, all of us, barring Bran and Nicola who were already at the venue, squashed into my little Chevy Spark. Upon arrival, the car guards refused to let us in the gate and insisted that we park in the long grass and walk from there. If you had never seen a bunch of ladies protest, then this would've been a sight to behold. Eventually they clicked that we weren't just guests and let us in.

We'd decided on "All I ask of you" from The Phantom of the Opera to walk down the aisle to a few minutes before and so Alan smsed the DJ and he started the music...

How to degenerate into a lump of sadness and boredom and crave the company of goats.

Onceuponatime there was a person who used to laugh at everyone's misfortunes because they grew up in a home where being mean to people was regarded as funny. Their parents would shock them with electrical cables as tiny children and laugh at how they cried at the pain. To stop the crying, the parents would then tell the one child "Go and fetch you sister and let's do it to her too!" You can understand that children like these who regarded their parents as incapable of making any mistakes might turn out a little, well, unbalanced.
So one day this person grew up and moved out of home and ended up living with other people and spending all their time in their room making videos of themselves telling people how to do various things in the hopes that it would enrich their lives as well. I watched a few minutes of each clip, including their song about a goat sung in a bad, fake American accent and then just stopped it. Sounds funny, doesn't it? It had potential to be funny, yes but honestly it was just painful. It was like watching someone who is a drug addict teaching people how to stay clean and sober.

I'm not saying that if you laugh at people's misfortunes and are mean that you'll end up lonely and making Youtube videos in your room by yourself singing random rubbish and telling people how to love others because nobody loves you anymore because you were so mean. No, hang on, I am.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Brazillian Blowout

I have long debated and researched the Brazillian Blowout because I have wavy frizz-prone hair.

What it basically is is Keratin protein which seals your hair cuticles, thus reducing the frizz and nourishing your hair to make it super shiny and manageable. It also makes your hair straight, or considerably less wavy. This isn't done by the Keratin but instead by a very small portion (2% or less) of Formaldehyde. Yes, you read right, formaldehyde. Toxic? Well, yes BUT they don't apply it directly to your scalp and there are small quantities of formaldehyde in everyday cleaning products anyway. While the hairdressers will insist that their product is formaldehyde-free, it is not. It contains a derivative of formaldehyde but as it's 2% or less, they can declare it "Formaldehyde-free." Oh, for those who might not know, formaldehyde is what they use to preserve dead people in.

So this was my experience:

I went to the hairdresser, a little nervous about the effects some people have experienced when they heat the product as it emits fumes which are dangerous should there be insufficient ventilation. They were great though and answered all my questions and reassured me. The hairdressers, not the fumes.

First they washed my hair with shampoo that felt like it stripped my hair terribly. I had to sit with that on for 20 minutes. The shampoo removes all the build-up and natural oils from your hair so that the product can penetrate the hair shaft.

Next they applied the product which smelt a little like oranges. They then gave me a dust mask, as I'm asthmatic, and told me to close my eyes while they dried my hair almost completely with a hairdryer.
Once my hair was almost dry, they flat-ironed each section 10 times. There were two working on my head at once so it took about an hour in total to do the whole treatment.

Once they had flat-ironed my hair, it was back to the basin where they washed and conditioned my hair with Sulphate-free shampoo and conditioner. They dried it brushing it occasionally with a normal hairbrush and my hair was dead straight and super shiny and my hair colour was more vibrant!

I then went and bought some sulphate-free shampoo from Dischem, as the hairdresser's is significantly more expensive and does the same thing, and some nice conditioner. The sulphates are just a cheap foaming agent but they strip colour from your hair and dry it out quite badly and can even contribute to hairloss.

I have since tried just leaving my hair to dry with no heat to tame it and it dries with the slightest wave and hardly any frizz. I love it!

Most of these treatments require 4 days of no washing your hair or tying it up or wetting it but not this one, I was able to go home and wash my hair immediately if I so desired. It did start pouring with rain as they were blow-waving my hair at the end so I left with a packet tied around my head much to the amusement of the patrons in the beauty section having their nails done. I suppose saying "Thanks so much! I really love it!" to the hairdresser while you stand there with a packet on your head is rather amusing.

It is a pretty pricey treatment but it lasts for 3-6 months. I admittedly didn't pay full price for mine and there are always specials on these treatments so if you have it done, shop around first.

I would recommend this to anyone who battles with their hair but do your research and know what your lungs or eyes can and can't handle as far as toxic fumes go. Some people get sick but honestly, I felt fine.

Monday, March 5, 2012

It just seems to go on and on...

On Friday, I spent most of my day in fits of giggles that this whole midget saga had continued to the point of making front page news.

This morning I received two emails, one from the journalist who had published the story, for an ad on human growth hormones, and one from Brett, the advertiser on gumtree who originally requested a midget, saying that he was interviewed on the radio this morning.

I went to the radio's website ( and found a podcast and a write-up on the midget story. I didn't get to hear the actual interview with Brett, just the part where the radio had found a midget to go to Brett's work to kick him!

The midget went into his building and into the office he believed to be Brett's and ran in and kicked him in the shins a few times and said "This is from your ex-girlfriend!" only to discover that he had kicked the wrong guy! I was almost crying from laughter listening to this!

Brett's ex had been following this entire saga and loved every moment of it and was missing him, according to him. I asked if he was going to demand that she bake him something from every page in the expensive baking book he'd bought her before he considered taking her back to which he replied that he wouldn't take her back but would like lots of baked goods. Look out for his next gumtree post on looking for baked goods.

Should you be a maker of baked goods, consider the poor heartbroken guy and send him a tray or two. You could just make the papers!

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Midget Story - my 15 minutes

I'll cut a long story short and will simply post the article published in todays Star Newspaper. I never thought it would go this far but anyway, the result is rather amusing:

Wanted: a midget to kick ex-lover
March 2 2012 at 07:40am

Comment on this story


A Joburg man has taken to an online forum to request that a midget kick his ex-girlfriend. And he’s quite upset that he isn’t being taken seriously.

Despite the advert being viewed over 2 500 times on the Gumtree website since Monday (the same day his ex ended the relationship) the man, known only as Brett, says he has received replies from the obese and women armed with heels, but no willing little people.

“I was recently dumped and require the services of a midget to go and kick my ex-girlfriend in the shins whilst she is at work,” reads Brett’s bizarre Gumtree advert.

“All you need to do is go into the shop, kick her once (not too hard) in the shin, and leave. I’ll supply all the details needed if you are hired.”

He adds that a friend requires a midget to do flick-flacks and breathe fire at their wedding.

During a phone interview with The Star on Thursday, Brett seemed appalled at the suggestion that his advert might be a joke.

“I clearly took it out because I want my ex-girlfriend to be kicked in the shins,” he said. “Midget revenge is the only form of revenge that works these days.”

He rejected the assertion that his actions were discriminatory towards little people. “F*** if I care,” he said. “They know they are midgets. I’m not being politically correct about this.”

He took a similar stance on violence. “Violence would be if I asked the midget to kick her hard and then set her on fire.”

Brett, who works for a Sandton marketing company, said on Sunday, the day before he was dumped, had been his ex’s birthday. They had been dating for two months and he had bought her an expensive baking book. But when she dumped him, he couldn’t take it back because he had written her name in it.

This delightful young man, who claims to have the body of Brad Pitt and the personality of “everyone awesome ever”, did receive a response to his advert, which he rejected.

A woman called Audrey replied, thinking the advert was a joke. She said she was relatively short and had spiky heels she could use to hit Brett’s ex.

“Sometimes I’ve bad days and perhaps giving someone a mild kicking would help,” she added. Brett said: “If you’re not a midget, you’re a waste of time and space. Sorry. Declined.”

After a lengthy e-mail interchange between the two in which clowns and making people cry was discussed, Audrey decided Brett was more rude than funny. She posted the following response advert on Gumtree.

“A very angry man recently dumped is suffering from severe anger issues and in need of some serious therapy. He also has midget fetishes and as a result is suffering from poor social skills and needs some help to adjust into normal society.

“Please help this poor man to get over his issues as there aren’t many midgets out there and he’ll end up feeling lost and lonely.”

Brett claims he is a serious man and continues to seek an answer to his advert. - The Star.

I have since received numerous responses to my own gumtree ad and they've been very funny :)

I often think that we get bored because we just sit there and let things happen around us and life is always more interesting if we create memories. I just didn't think that this would be one of those times :D

Monday, February 27, 2012

The miraculous return of the Sausage

On Tuesday last week, I arrived home to find Gub, my sausage dog, missing. Naturally I ran all over the complex calling and up and down the road and then we drove around a fair bit and called and eventually we had to come home where I sat and cried for 2 hours and then went to bed.

The next day I woke up determined to find my puppy. I phoned the SPCA and the nearby vets and made posters for him, which my friend, Mel, helped me to erect on trees and stop signs, etc.

I had just about given up when the SPCA told me that a tan sausage had been handed in on the Thursday morning. I rushed over there first thing on Saturday morning convinced it would be my precious little sausage dog only to discover that it wasn't. I was ready to fall to pieces all over again.

I made a decision that I needed to find Fatty a buddy because she was so lonely and pining too terribly and then if Gub came back, we'd just have 3 dogs. As I was driving around looking for a suitable puppy, Mel phoned me telling me that she thinks she'd found Gub.

Gub had been let out by the garden service and had then been let out of the main gate and, being scared of the thunder, had run to a nearby house where there were other dogs. The owner of the house had taken him inside and in that time period, Melissa's dad had gone to visit this man, unaware of any missing sausage. The owner of the house had then taken Gub with him to a pub, seeing as his dogs wanted to kill Gub, and had left him with the bar owners.

Gub hung out at the pub for a few days sleeping on a blanket and befriending all the patrons until a waitress decided that she was going to take him home to the next town.

Mel then went to visit her parents on Saturday morning and told them how Gub was missing and her dad piped up and said that he knew where Gub was! He phoned his friend who phoned the pub who gave the number of the waitress out and so Mel phoned me and we phoned the waitress and jumped in the car and drove to fetch him!

I was so very relieved to have Gub back as was Fatty!

The back gate has since been secured closed and locked and we've decided to rather get a gardener in and pay him than use the complex garden service as they almost cost us our mini-woof!

Monday, February 6, 2012

We're all on drugs. Yep you too, did you know?

Apparently. Yes, apparently having any sort of anxiety or going to make coffee or to the bathroom or blinking too many times or having a cold or anything whatsoever that isn't regarded as 100% "normal" means that a person is on drugs.

I am so annoyed and sick of this. How can a person, who probably is on drugs themselves, or most certainly was, accuse everyone else who is carrying on as any other person would or are responding to the circumstances in a way that they feel best, accuse others of being on drugs?! Behind their backs too!

It's projecting in my opinion. Projecting what they themselves are/were guilty of because they cannot fathom any other reasonable explanation for the absolute normality of the situation.
Today, I said something back. I said "Person blah blah, you think everyone's on drugs!" and they just said nothing.

Maybe we should all go on drugs, it would certainly help us to cope better with these wild accusations! Then again, maybe the accuser should go on drugs; Psychiatric drugs that will prevent the paranoia and delusional behaviour we're all subjected to every day!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Bullying disguised as "I'm just trying to help you."

Have you ever experienced one of those people who will point out all your faults, mistakes, flaws and make a big deal out of nonsense because they're "just trying to help you?" Do not be fooled! Do not stop and think "I am so pathetic and useless and awful and so-and-so is so wonderful because they have all the answers and are so nice because they're really trying to help me!"
If you start thinking that way, stop, take your hand, lift it up, move it as far back behind your head as you can and bring it around hard and fast and land it on your cheek! Sore? Well, it's just the literal version of what they, and you, are doing to you.

I've said this before, but deleted it after 5 minutes and now after some consideration and discussion with many people who seem to face this problem day in and day out, I can no longer keep quiet.

We all make mistakes, we all have flaws, we are human. It's not a free pass to mess up as often as possible but it does warrant a little something called encouragement and motivation. Through this, we tend to focus more and feel more enthusiastic about what we're doing and make fewer errors.

Motivation is a driving force behind productivity and productivity is what we're all, essentially, aiming for. How one is motivated is different to how another is motivated but there is one way that NOBODY is motivated and that is by screaming, name calling and overwhelming someone. This builds anger, resentment, unhealthy stress levels and a complete lack of motivation. It's obvious, why would anyone want to do anything for anyone who is horrible to them?

Trying to scare the living daylights out of someone to get results seldom ends in a good finished product either.

If you're subject to someone like this, don't get upset and annoyed and angry at this person, instead take some refuge in the fact that they know no better than to bully others to get their way. You should feel sorry for them in their lack of social skills and lack of common sense. Nobody likes a bully, shame they're so unliked. And then you move on and realise that while you may/may not have to tolerate them, you can control how much they get to you with their rubbish.

If you really can't handle it and have tried to explain how their behaviour is destructive and upsetting to no avail, move on, cut them out, change your phone number and never look back.

Guest Post - Tam

Auds asked all her friends for guest posts about anything we pleased and threw out random suggestions. Luckily Di and I have never had an incident with jam, or anything else...

I think I shall talk about activities. See, my boyfriend and I do Ballroom and Latin American dancing and he climbs and I sometimes climb when the heights are not too daunting and I'm feeling brave (not often - I stay on the ground and take pictures or belay - yes Gawie, I can now belay). So how does one combine these activities to find something that works for me, encourages fitness and builds strength (so the climbing will no longer be scary)? The answer - Pole Fitness!

No, I do not pole dance in nothing but a thong and those weird stick on things! (I don't know whether my mother in-law believes me) The strength work involved in pole dancing is used to create an aerobic and weight work out that leaves you exhausted and stiff (no pun intended). And if you don't believe that it's a real workout, go YouTube Zoraya Judd. She has a six pack that would scare most body builders.

So yes... I recently took up pole fitness and it's been fun. A tough ride for those of us who are not terribly fit and have no upper body strength to speak of, but it's worth every moment of struggle. And let's not even talk about the bruises....

Anyway, check it out if there's a studio near you. It's addictive

And that's me
Tamarah Johnstone-Robertson

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Ramblings while waiting to go home

my husband now thinks he is gay. Story over.

O.k, not really, that was typed by him. Not that he's confessing, he's more like, um, well, he's just saying random nonsense because he thinks it's funny. I suppose that was the point of this blog in the first place. Anyway, it made me think of something fun to do, if my friends will humour me that is.
I have two friend, o.k, no I meant two friends but if you read that with a chinese accent, it makes sense... with their own blogs who are really into fashion. I'm not really into fashion, I like clothes, I like some clothes that are fashionable but I'm more a "I must be able to wear it in 3 years without thinking "What on earth was I thinking?!"" kind of person, but I do understand that fashion appeals on a very deep level to many people so I'm going to beg my dear friends to write a guest post on fashion, or on something particularly fashionable right now.
One of my other friends is very interested in dancing and she too has a blog, mainly about gaming and the cookie-monster. She'd be most unimpressed if her cookie-monster started appealing to other people so maybe she shouldn't write about him and just stick to the gaming.
I have another friend who loves to climb who was going to start a blog but never did and so I'll ask him to write a post about climbing.
I'll ask a few other friends about odds and ends that they're really into and see what we come up with.
I shall do one on "awesome bathrooms" or "The down side of corn chips" or even "What happens when you don't brush your hair for two days and wear a cap instead."

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Cake money

I had a chat with a close friend today about her precious little halflings and what things for nursery school and school cost. I haven't been in school now for, well, a long, long time and I really don't know these things.

One of the things that I was absolutely astonished by was parents being forced to pay a compulsory cake fee! No really! They were paying money for their kids to have cake every Friday.
She told me that a child must bring a cake every Friday and then everybody pays R5 to have a piece! R5 for a slice of cake! In a restaurant, you'd go nuts but a cake bought from the local Spar isn't worth R5 a slice in my opinion. Plus, if parents already have to pay for a cake to be brought in the first place, surely they can say, "O.k, well, Jimmy is entitled to 8 weeks worth of cake, including this one, because the cake cost R40 and it's not like anyone's paying me for the cake" but I think they call it "Fund Raising." What's worse is that the poor kids who can't have their cake and eat it, still have to pay! I hope those kids insist on having their cake, even if it's to squish it into balls and make figurines out of it.

O.k, if we had a cake Friday at work, I would not object, I'd be the first to grab a plate and cake fork but Al can handle my sugar rushes. My poor friends who have kids, however, are tired and having bouncing children until all hours because they're high on cake isn't fair.

I'm going to tell Al about this cake story tonight and I just know he's going to say "Well feed them Froot Loops and Lollipops for breakfast and send them to nursery school with a sugar rush and make it the school's problem!"

I'm glad that nursery school children don't read my blog or I'd have squashed cake mailed to me for sure!

Flowerdew's Beauty Salon

Last week Friday, my mom phoned me and asked me to come to her house because she wanted us to give each other facials. It sounded like such an awesome idea and so I asked if I should bring anything but she insisted that she had everything, I must just pitch up.

Upon arriving there, I found the long plastic table where she sits and does her knitting or sewing or anything really, covered in a blanket and a pillow, and an A4 handwritten sign on the door frame saying "Flowerdew's Beauty salon."
For those who don't know, I loved my gran but I don't know what her and my grandfather were thinking when they named my poor mom Flowerdew Alma Elaine! My mom hates her first name and so everybody calls her Elaine. But we do refer to her as Flowerdew in certain circumstances, where nobody can hear and we want to tease her a little, and so this was funny.

She first scrubbed my face with something so rough it started burning. She even scrubbed the inside of my ears! It turned out to be course salt and maize meal. O.k, so my face was really clean and free of ANY dead skin cells and possibly a few living ones too.

Next came the vitamin E mask which, the fan blowing on my face, dried really, really fast.

She forgot to tone my skin but on we moved to the moisturizer. It smelt!
"Mom, what smells like peanuts?"
"It's this oil."
"What oil? Cooking oil?"
"No man! Sesame seed oil!"
"On my face?!"
"Yes, it's very good for your skin!"
"Are you sure it's not cooking oil? Like sunflower oil?"
"Yes, man, just keep still! I didn't have moisturizer for your skin, only for wrinkles."

And so she made me promise to keep what I still swear was cooking oil on my face until the next morning, which I did, and it was fine.

It made me feel like a real facial though and so I booked one for February at this amazing place that use amazing products that smell nothing like peanuts!

Nothing beats a proper facial at a real beauty salon but nothing beats the company and atmosphere of Flowerdew's Beauty Salon!

The quest for the ultimate Valentines Day

I've always been superly into Valentines Day. Not in the way that I get chocolates and flowers and teddies, etc but in that I get to make something for the person that I care about.

I try to be as creative as possible while trying not to set myself up for failure in my extremely limited artistic ability.

O.k, now I know one of my exes reads this and well, o.k, you'll find out now I suppose; I used to recycle my ideas. Why? 'Cause they took so long to come up with and they were good! But I never will use a recycled idea on Al and so this has prompted me to get them wheels turning and think of something new and fun and not cliched and cheesy.

If you're stumped for ideas, feel free to grab one of my "recycled" ones! Who's going to know? Lots of people have already and nobody's ever been the wiser.

Idea 1 - Chocolate basket.

Super easy and fun!!
You will need:
A basket
Red cellophane
Red or silver or white ribbon
2 slabs of cooking chocolate
A tray or 2 of your choice of chocolate moulds
A clothing peg or two.

O.k, melt the chocolate in a bowl that is partially in hot water that is in a pot on the stove. Don't let the water boil over and use a bowl that won't crack with the heat.
Pour the chocolate into the moulds and close with a clothing peg. Put in the fridge.

While your choccies are setting, take some scissors and cut an A5 (half an A4) size piece of cellophane off of the roll and cut thin strips of it into the bottom of the basket.
When your chocs are set, place them nicely in the basket on top of the shredded cellophane bits. Place the entire basket on a flat sheet of cellophane and wrap the tops of the cellophane sheet around the top of the basket and tie closed with a ribbon. Curl the ribbon with the scissors blade. Ta-dah! Not enough chocolate in the basket? Well then add a mug or a bottle of wine or juice or whatever. Easy and pretty!

Idea 2 - The photo collage

If your significant other has a hobby that they absolutely love and they have photos of themselves doing this, or even of the two of you doing this together, get hold of the pics, scan them in or take them to a printing shop and ask them to help you, and make a collage and frame it for them! Easy but very personal!

Idea 3 - The boxes

O.k, admittedly, this one isn't entirely my own but I've used it anyway and it's really fun to do.

You will need:

3 boxes of varying sizes that you can write on. It would be great if they fit into each other but mine never have.
A teddy
A chilli
A chocolate (just buy one) A sweetie pie perhaps.

If you can't find boxes, make them. Ja, I can't remember how but I made my boxes and painted them and put glitter glue on them and stuck little stick-on roses on them and everything.

So, you take the biggest box and you write "You're cuter than..." and you put the teddy inside.
You take another box and write "You're hotter than..." and put the chilli inside.
Can you guess the last one? "You're sweeter than..." and the chocolate inside.

One of my friends added a fourth box and wrote "The only thing I love more than you is..." and the box was empty. Very cute.

Idea 4 - The picnic

Easy enough. Go and buy picnic stuff, lots of grapes and strawberries and anything you need to eat with your fingers and not just with cutlery, and have a picnic.

Idea 5 - The cooking supper thing

Also easy. Make their favourite dish for supper. Then as dessert, run them a candlelit bubblebath. On the sides of the bath should be bowls full of chocolate truffles, strawberries, grapes and something to drink be it juice or wine or whatever and let them relax while you get them dishes out the way.

Idea 6 - The storybook

This one was such a disaster for me that I never recycled this again but maybe you'll have better luck.

You will need:
A book. Any sort of blank book. Mine was wooden.
Figurines you can stick in your book so fabric figures or something like that.
So you get a few of the same figurines and you write a sweet little short story or poem (I did an adaptation of "Roses are red" but for the life of me, I can't remember it) about the two of you around the figurines. You can include other things too like benches or houses or whatever's applicable to you.

Idea 7 - My idea for Al this year.

I have to admit that all the above ideas were met with raised eyebrows, shaking of heads and immense giggling. Only once I got a "Wow!" response and so after the last one, I felt that I was wasting my efforts, despite it being fun to do, and no matter how much I tried to say "But I had fun doing it anyway, even if you think it sucks", it DID matter that the other person didn't like it and so I gave up.

In 2009, I went to Clarens with friends and my mom to try and deal with my dad's passing and did nothing for Al.

In 2010, we didn't even see each other as he had to work late and so I stayed in and watched Titanic.

In 2011, I bought him every single heart-shaped chocolate I could find at Clicks and felt very ashamed at giving him something so thoughtless.

This year is going to be different. Al is different to anyone else and while he may think my artwork is humorous at best, he's the type of guy who appreciates effort and thought and so it is that that I am putting into this years Valentines Day as it will be the first since we've been married and he is going to be my one and only Valentine for the rest of my life. He deserves the effort!
I am so excited about what I have planned to do. Now just to think of something unique to make...


I have much to say but I will start with this:

It's a new year with promises of new and happy things and the air is tingling with excitement and anticipation of what's to come. I hope you all share my sentiments and have the same excitement towards the future!! :)