There was a boy named Suzy and a girl named Bob. Yes, those were their names.
Anyway, so this story is about Suzy and not really about Bob. They knew each other but it's not really related to the story at all. Bob just felt a bit left out so I had to mention her.
So Suzy grew up with loving parents who wanted him to be everything he could be, as any good parent would. Suzy's friends also wanted him to achieve and reach his full potential because Suzy was a clever guy who could really do anything that he wanted to.
The problem was that Suzy wasn't doing what he really wanted to because he was so busy trying to reach other people's ideals for himself and was so hard on himself and was filled with self-doubt. This made him angry and bitter and he blamed the world for his life not being what it should be and for himself not having reached his goals. He was angry with himself too but he didn't do anything to change the situation, he just stayed that way and was content to blame everyone else.
This is not an uncommon story and it is one that I've encountered with so many, many people lately.
It's always more convenient to blame everyone else but if you really have to stop and think about it, who made everyone else in charge in the first place? You did!
Like Suzy, so many people with enormous potential are stunted because they either A. Try to live their lives for everyone else or B. They don't believe or trust in themselves enough to get what they want and need.
I recently read an amazing and life changing book entitled "What to say when you talk to yourself" and it explains how to reverse negative programming.
Negative programming is all the "No's" you've received in your life, be it from your parents, your friends or even yourself. These "No's" breed self-doubt and inhibit us in a lot that we do.
Reversing that allows us to be open to positive re-enforcement and allows us to make significant and wonderful changes in our lives.
How does it work? You literally reverse the thought pattern. For example, if your thoughts are "I'd love that job but I'm not sure that I'll be able to get that salary" then you won't get the job with that salary because you have already decided that you don't deserve it.
To start to get that job with that salary, you need to reverse the thought. So: "I no longer feel inadequate and unsure that I'm worth a good salary". You keep doing this and always in the present tense.
Once you've done this, you can then start with positive re-enforcement also, always in the present tense: "I am getting this job and I am getting this fantastic salary!" and you keep going with this too.
This can be applied to every aspect of your life be it your relationships, your job, your general self-esteem etc. It doesn't mean that you don't need to work for what you want but the belief in yourself in essential.
I speak from experience. My life, at this very point, is exactly where I want it to be and I know exactly where I want it to go and it's going to go that way because I work hard and know that I deserve happiness and success.
Perhaps it sounds like crazy mambo-jumbo to you but what do you have to lose? The worst that can happen is that you look a little crazy. But then, isn't walking around being miserable and upset and doubting your wonderful self even more crazy?
"No" can be necessary at times with little children or even adults but it is probably the most over-used and damaging word out there and should rather be used with extreme caution.
Always uplift and encourage.