Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The difference between a friend and just being friendly

Although it is impossible to predict any one's future behaviour, their past behaviour is usually a good indicator of future behaviour.

I have thought about this statement for quite a while now and have found it to be very true in my experiences with people.

A while ago, someone was having a debate with me on the phone and they ended up yelling "You just alienate everyone!" and when I hung up, I took some time to ponder this and decided that it was not exactly true.

I examined all of the people who I've cut out of my life over time or had some sort of major fallout with and each time, it's for the same reason: We met, became friends, they did something really big and hurtful, I let it go, we all moved on and then later, they did something really similar to the first big and hurtful thing.
I decided that this wasn't a once-off thing on their part but rather something ingrained and part of them and something that will repeat itself forever.
I was not happy to be hurt and have my quality of life impacted on in a negative manner and so I cut them out. Very rarely have I ever regretted this decision.

Cold? I prefer to think of it as self preservation and not wasting my time or energy.

I have learnt, after losing two people I cared about so much in such a sudden manner, that life can be unpredictable and short and that you should appreciate those people in your life who are truly irreplaceable and precious. The people who are nasty and spiteful or just don't bother are not worth my effort or bother. I love the friends I have now and I make an effort to stay in touch with them and see them as often as I possibly am able because it is important.
They, in turn, make the effort with me and I appreciate it very, very much.

When I was younger, I spent many a night crying to my parents because so-and-so was being so nasty and I didn't know why and I just wanted to be their friend. I remember my dad so often saying to me, "You'll find that not many people are actually your friend, they're just friendly. So, don't treat everyone like they're your absolute best friend if they're just someone that you should only be friendly to."
This used to be very difficult for me to accept and it hurt really often because people turned out not to be who I expected them to be. I don't find it so difficult now though as I've stopped taking it so personally and view it more in the light of "At least I know not to waste my time anymore" and I manage to move on quickly without regret.

To the few but wonderful and amazing people I have in my life now:
You guys are great and I am very, very lucky to have met such wonderful people! Love you all lots! :)

Double lives?

Some days I have these bizarre inclinations to look people up on Google and see what it comes up with.

I have decided that Google knows everything and that what it comes up with is not only true and valid but also a giveaway of what they do secretly. Like, double lives!!

So, I've caught a few of you out! AHA! :

Diana -
In this life - An office manager
In her double life - A private investigator. That makes so much sense now!

Janeske -
In this life - A media studies lecturer
In her double life - She's a "good girl...most of the time." Ahem. I have no idea!

Chantall -
In this life - A moving things around to make it look pretty for a horse racing newspaper person (I apologise, Chants, I don't know what your job title is)
In her double life - An underwear model!! Oh goodness. Who woulda thunk? ;)

Tam -
In this life - A boutique wine dealer.
In her double life - Um, it's the surname, I battled and battled. I found something on having crazy wild nights and homeless people. Perhaps that's what she does; Give homeless people crazy wild nights out or something. Like charity with a very unique outlook.

Al -
In this life - He's a Pastel and IT consultant
In his double life - An artist. I think he's taking this pastel thing too far!

Jarrod -
In this life - Um, I think a Java (?) programmer for Telkom
In his alternate life - I'm afraid that all I could find was relating to cricket so yes, Jarrod is pretending to be a guy named Jacques and plays SA cricket.

Tess -
In this life - An assistant editor for a magazine
In her double life - A concert pianist. Probably doesn't want to be bombarded for autographs so she keeps quiet. It also said something about showering without cockroaches. I don't get it.

Kristy -
In this life - A nursery school teacher
In her double life - A martial arts expert with 6 black belts! Now *that* I could believe! It's always the quiet ones!

Nicola -
In this life - Also a nursery school teacher
In her double life - A physiotherapist. I could imagine that!

Marsha -
In this life - Owns a daycare centre
In her double life - A home improvements specialist. I don't get why she has to hide that??

Morne -
In this life - I could write it, but he would kill me
In his double life - A stuntman. Hmmm...

Gavin -
In this life - Some sort of IT consultant but don't know the specifics.
In his double life - He's a dad who hasn't paid maintenance??? No! Let me look again... arrest and imprisonment?? Heck and I thought cockroaches were bad!

Even if these supposed double lives aren't true, it could possibly give these people some idea as to their next career. Although, I wouldn't really recommend them all!