Wednesday, January 26, 2011

It's only o.k to talk to yourself if you say the right things.

There was a boy named Suzy and a girl named Bob. Yes, those were their names.

Anyway, so this story is about Suzy and not really about Bob. They knew each other but it's not really related to the story at all. Bob just felt a bit left out so I had to mention her.

So Suzy grew up with loving parents who wanted him to be everything he could be, as any good parent would. Suzy's friends also wanted him to achieve and reach his full potential because Suzy was a clever guy who could really do anything that he wanted to.

The problem was that Suzy wasn't doing what he really wanted to because he was so busy trying to reach other people's ideals for himself and was so hard on himself and was filled with self-doubt. This made him angry and bitter and he blamed the world for his life not being what it should be and for himself not having reached his goals. He was angry with himself too but he didn't do anything to change the situation, he just stayed that way and was content to blame everyone else.

This is not an uncommon story and it is one that I've encountered with so many, many people lately.
It's always more convenient to blame everyone else but if you really have to stop and think about it, who made everyone else in charge in the first place? You did!

Like Suzy, so many people with enormous potential are stunted because they either A. Try to live their lives for everyone else or B. They don't believe or trust in themselves enough to get what they want and need.

I recently read an amazing and life changing book entitled "What to say when you talk to yourself" and it explains how to reverse negative programming.

Negative programming is all the "No's" you've received in your life, be it from your parents, your friends or even yourself. These "No's" breed self-doubt and inhibit us in a lot that we do.

Reversing that allows us to be open to positive re-enforcement and allows us to make significant and wonderful changes in our lives.

How does it work? You literally reverse the thought pattern. For example, if your thoughts are "I'd love that job but I'm not sure that I'll be able to get that salary" then you won't get the job with that salary because you have already decided that you don't deserve it.
To start to get that job with that salary, you need to reverse the thought. So: "I no longer feel inadequate and unsure that I'm worth a good salary". You keep doing this and always in the present tense.
Once you've done this, you can then start with positive re-enforcement also, always in the present tense: "I am getting this job and I am getting this fantastic salary!" and you keep going with this too.

This can be applied to every aspect of your life be it your relationships, your job, your general self-esteem etc. It doesn't mean that you don't need to work for what you want but the belief in yourself in essential.
I speak from experience. My life, at this very point, is exactly where I want it to be and I know exactly where I want it to go and it's going to go that way because I work hard and know that I deserve happiness and success.

Perhaps it sounds like crazy mambo-jumbo to you but what do you have to lose? The worst that can happen is that you look a little crazy. But then, isn't walking around being miserable and upset and doubting your wonderful self even more crazy?

"No" can be necessary at times with little children or even adults but it is probably the most over-used and damaging word out there and should rather be used with extreme caution.

Always uplift and encourage.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The difference between a friend and just being friendly

Although it is impossible to predict any one's future behaviour, their past behaviour is usually a good indicator of future behaviour.

I have thought about this statement for quite a while now and have found it to be very true in my experiences with people.

A while ago, someone was having a debate with me on the phone and they ended up yelling "You just alienate everyone!" and when I hung up, I took some time to ponder this and decided that it was not exactly true.

I examined all of the people who I've cut out of my life over time or had some sort of major fallout with and each time, it's for the same reason: We met, became friends, they did something really big and hurtful, I let it go, we all moved on and then later, they did something really similar to the first big and hurtful thing.
I decided that this wasn't a once-off thing on their part but rather something ingrained and part of them and something that will repeat itself forever.
I was not happy to be hurt and have my quality of life impacted on in a negative manner and so I cut them out. Very rarely have I ever regretted this decision.

Cold? I prefer to think of it as self preservation and not wasting my time or energy.

I have learnt, after losing two people I cared about so much in such a sudden manner, that life can be unpredictable and short and that you should appreciate those people in your life who are truly irreplaceable and precious. The people who are nasty and spiteful or just don't bother are not worth my effort or bother. I love the friends I have now and I make an effort to stay in touch with them and see them as often as I possibly am able because it is important.
They, in turn, make the effort with me and I appreciate it very, very much.

When I was younger, I spent many a night crying to my parents because so-and-so was being so nasty and I didn't know why and I just wanted to be their friend. I remember my dad so often saying to me, "You'll find that not many people are actually your friend, they're just friendly. So, don't treat everyone like they're your absolute best friend if they're just someone that you should only be friendly to."
This used to be very difficult for me to accept and it hurt really often because people turned out not to be who I expected them to be. I don't find it so difficult now though as I've stopped taking it so personally and view it more in the light of "At least I know not to waste my time anymore" and I manage to move on quickly without regret.

To the few but wonderful and amazing people I have in my life now:
You guys are great and I am very, very lucky to have met such wonderful people! Love you all lots! :)

Double lives?

Some days I have these bizarre inclinations to look people up on Google and see what it comes up with.

I have decided that Google knows everything and that what it comes up with is not only true and valid but also a giveaway of what they do secretly. Like, double lives!!

So, I've caught a few of you out! AHA! :

Diana -
In this life - An office manager
In her double life - A private investigator. That makes so much sense now!

Janeske -
In this life - A media studies lecturer
In her double life - She's a "good girl...most of the time." Ahem. I have no idea!

Chantall -
In this life - A moving things around to make it look pretty for a horse racing newspaper person (I apologise, Chants, I don't know what your job title is)
In her double life - An underwear model!! Oh goodness. Who woulda thunk? ;)

Tam -
In this life - A boutique wine dealer.
In her double life - Um, it's the surname, I battled and battled. I found something on having crazy wild nights and homeless people. Perhaps that's what she does; Give homeless people crazy wild nights out or something. Like charity with a very unique outlook.

Al -
In this life - He's a Pastel and IT consultant
In his double life - An artist. I think he's taking this pastel thing too far!

Jarrod -
In this life - Um, I think a Java (?) programmer for Telkom
In his alternate life - I'm afraid that all I could find was relating to cricket so yes, Jarrod is pretending to be a guy named Jacques and plays SA cricket.

Tess -
In this life - An assistant editor for a magazine
In her double life - A concert pianist. Probably doesn't want to be bombarded for autographs so she keeps quiet. It also said something about showering without cockroaches. I don't get it.

Kristy -
In this life - A nursery school teacher
In her double life - A martial arts expert with 6 black belts! Now *that* I could believe! It's always the quiet ones!

Nicola -
In this life - Also a nursery school teacher
In her double life - A physiotherapist. I could imagine that!

Marsha -
In this life - Owns a daycare centre
In her double life - A home improvements specialist. I don't get why she has to hide that??

Morne -
In this life - I could write it, but he would kill me
In his double life - A stuntman. Hmmm...

Gavin -
In this life - Some sort of IT consultant but don't know the specifics.
In his double life - He's a dad who hasn't paid maintenance??? No! Let me look again... arrest and imprisonment?? Heck and I thought cockroaches were bad!

Even if these supposed double lives aren't true, it could possibly give these people some idea as to their next career. Although, I wouldn't really recommend them all!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Silence is not always golden

It is said that communication is the key to any successful relationship, be it with your partner, your friends, your boss or your dog.

In a day and age where communicating is easier than ever before, you'd think that we'd be communicating a whole lot more but alas, this is not always the case. My opinion is that not having to trek over to Tannie Marie's farm to go and say "Hey! How are you?" or handwriting that letter to your friend in the UK has made us lazy.

Nowadays, we just poke someone on Facebook if we want to say something. If you're on good terms, they'll poke you back.

Very occasionally do people actually make the effort of typing a personal email to others or writing a letter or sending a text. Usually, it's just a bunch of forwarded jokes or some soppy rubbish that says "Just because I never ever speak to you and never ever phone you and never ever email you and would probably not recognize you in public since it's been so long since I last saw you. it doesn't mean that we're not really, really good friends!" I'm sorry but I just don't buy it.

Surely the people that we love and care about are worth making the effort to keep in touch with on a more personal level? Surely it is not an obligation but rather a pleasure?
Although people do tend to get used to each other and take each other for granted, it is those little things, like a note or a quick call to say "How are you? I'm thinking about you!" or "The tax man called and said that the police are on their way to arrest you, just thought you should know," or "Get off the diningroom table!" etc that make or break any sort of relationship.

I always do my best to make contact with those people who mean something to me and it has meant that I am able to sustain friendships with people from far and wide for years and years.
I find it exciting to receive their emails or text messages and even write down the main points sometimes so that my reply to their points is thorough.

Communication is such a wonderful tool to connect and stay connected with people. Society in general would be better and far more productive if people just made a tiny bit of effort.

In closing:

When seldom a word there is spoken,
It lends for a bond to be broken.
For the words that we choose,
To uplift, not misuse,
Can stop all your friendships from croakin'.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Quite often I sit and think about how things were with Al, what we've been through and where we are now.

A lot of people have asked me if I'm sure about getting married to Al as we used to fight so much. The answer to this is "Absolutely sure, without a shadow of a doubt!"

I cannot imagine, nor even bear to try and imagine, a single day without this very unique and amazing person.

I've never known a person who would sacrifice so much to make me happy and whom I am willing to sacrifice so much for to make him happy. Al is always on my side and would post somebody egg sandwiches for me any day if I asked ;) He gets excited with me over things like tiles and when we go out together, it's like nobody else in the world exists, except for us.

There is nothing quite like the feeling of not being able to help but smile and feel all warm inside when just thinking about that one special person. We have enough in common to know that we're heading in the same direction but a few differences that keep us interesting to each other.

I never imagined that this person who walked into a company I was temping at to give me training on something would be the person I would be eager to spend the rest of my life with.

Sigh! :)

Alan in training

When I met Al years ago, he decided to be really, really sweet and cook supper for me.

This was quite something for a guy who lived on 2 minute noodles, McDonalds and beer but he borrowed a pot (yes, borrowed) from his mom and got the recipe for his favourite Dutch dish and made it for me. It was potatoes, onion and carrots boiled together and then fried pork cubes. All of this was piled onto a plate and mashed together.

He thought it was fantastic. I had nightmares for weeks afterwards that I was being force fed this concoction as some form of torture.

Since this experiment, Al has excelled in making macaroni, lasagne and a full English breakfast, albeit for supper sometimes :)

His mom told me that she has tried to teach him to cook when he was younger by making each person in their family take turns to cook supper.
When it came to Alan's turn to cook, he would make bread and jam for everyone. I couldn't help but laugh when she told me.

Based on how fast he learns to cook things now, I'm pretty sure that there's a master chef in there somewhere and soon he'll be turning his nose up at my food and begging to make the supper! I can dream, can't I? ;)

Monday, January 10, 2011

A pant-less generation

I'm not big into the clubbing scene. The music is often monotonous, the DJ drunk and annoying, the room filled with smoke or drunk people holding lit cigarettes way too close to my clothes or hair and people just shove you aside to get past you on the dance floor.
This weekend, however, a group of us girls decided to do a girls day and ended off by going to a club in Fourways. The dress code for women was like cocktail dresses which we happily donned as we seldom get to wear our more formal clothing in normal society.

As I mentioned, I don't frequent clubs on a regular basis and so I was somewhat surprised when I saw all these women with their long-ish tops stretched as far as they could go, some of them held in place with a belt, and that was it. The poor girls had forgotten their pants and nobody had bothered to actually say "Um, you forgot to put your pants on."

At one point, a piece of shattered glass from the floor managed to get into my shoe and I had to hop over to the edge of the dance floor and bend down to remove my shoe. I made the big mistake of looking straight ahead of me as I was crouching there and beheld many a buttock cheek protruding for any midget to see. You couldn't really see them when standing up but they were there alright, sticking out shamelessly. I felt violated.

I started thinking about younger women walking around the mall or the street, etc and it dawned on me that it really was just considered normal to wear your long top and no pants. Even the guys are exposing their bottoms by wearing their pants so low that they reveal their "cleavage" to everyone.

When I was a teenager, I used to walk around with my belly button exposed which is perhaps what they are doing in a sense but still, I don't want to see people's bums! It's gross! Things have gone from "I are wearing a pant" to "I are not wearing a pant" and I fear that soon it will be "What are a pant?"

If you read this and are a bum-exposer, please spare a thought for your fellow human being. Maybe your bum is awesome to your partner but it isn't to the rest of us. Just put some pants on!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Wedding plans thus far

With all the studies this year, I'm trying to plan as much of the wedding as far in advance as possible allowing for time to have back up plans should anything go wrong and then back-ups for my back-ups and also because I just won't have time to organise a wedding and do 9 modules and work and start dancing again and eat peanut-butter cups and tomato and basil pesto pizzas and chocolate soy milk. So, so far this is what I've done, please yell if you see anything blatantly amiss (or even subtly amiss):

Groom - Sorted :)
Venue - Booked
Theme and colours - Sorted
Decor ideas - Sorted
Flowers - Sorted
Wedding dress - Bought
Bridesmaids dresses - Bought
Shoes - Investigated
Guest gifts - Found
Suit for Al - Found
Shoes for Al - investigated
Hair and make-up - Booked
Photographer - 2 possible options
Videographer - Need to find
First dance - Still trying to get past doing the sprinkler and the one-legged hop but we're getting there.
Rings and jewellery - Found a jeweller to make all our jewellery
DJ - Sorted
Cake - Sorted
Catering - Organised
Honeymoon - Have ideas
Priest - Need to discuss
Legalities - Discussed
Flights for Capetonians in the bridal party - Too early to book
Investigated accommodation for overseas guests and Al's family and other Capetonians who may be coming.
Guest list - More or less finalised.
Wedding stationery - Investigated

That's all I've got so far. So exciting, cannot wait. Am I missing anything huge?