Thursday, January 17, 2013

A possible case of spontaneous human combustion?

While I understand that spontaneous human combustion is not possible in the sense of someone just suddenly bursting into flames without being doused in some sort of flammable substance at the very least, I am starting to question if there may not be an exception to this rule.

From what I understand from Science Fiction movies and novels is that often the victims of this phenomenon are usually highly emotionally aroused. By aroused, I mean angry, irritated, excited, etc. Arousal like a waking, nothing sexual. Anyway, so the more excitable the victim becomes, the more likely they are to burst into flames and, possibly, even downright explode.

So how do you tell if you need to run for a bucket of water for your BFF who's starting to pour with sweat when it's snowing outside? Well the sweat aside, something has to tick them off or make them excitable in some manner. Should they reach a point of no apparent return, they will start to turn a bright shade of red. They might also flap their arms wildly and make noises that resemble a turkey's frantic pleas before being slaughtered for Christmas lunch. It can easily be mistaken for choking except that they won't be gasping for air in between squawks. At this point it's best to pour that entire bucket full of water/ice/sand over your BFF and wait to see the results. If they get even more excitable but don't burst into flames, there's probably something else wrong and maybe it's time to seek medical attention. Or run. Especially if they're armed or have a history of violent behaviour.

It seems to take a while to get to that point of actually bursting into flames though so if your BFF has only started with the symptoms, you're probably safe for a good while. Maybe buy a fire retardent jacket though, just in case.

The key to avoiding this altogether though is to avoid people prone to extreme outbursts of emotion. Aside from the fact that they might perhaps have a psychological problem (more on this in my next post tomorrow) they may cause you much discomfort if you're too close by when they spontaeously combust. Nobody likes the smell of singed hair.

So make friends with people whose faces only go really red when they're sunburnt or have got a bit carried away with their beetroot salad, not with people who get extremely upset for absolute nonsense.