Are you reading this? I mean, are you seriously reading this? If so, why? If I were you and I saw the title of this post, I'd be like "Next!" because it's so dull! I mean, they're all important topics and someone needs to address them but that someone is definitely not me!
I've read so many people's blogs and a lot of them are very informative and well-written and they have a large following which means that somewhere along the line, people find this dull information very interesting or worthwhile reading!
I knew a lady who was interesting enough as a person but what she was interested in or found so fascinating was enough to make me want to jump out of a window of a very tall building. I listened and I paid attention and I followed her stories every time that they continued and I tried to branch my interests a little more but it was so bad that I started to dread seeing her. Not her fault but man alive, I felt like throwing cold water on her sometimes.
So, I suppose the topic states something and so I should continue with that something. Please do not take my word for anything I say on these topics as I am no expert. It is based on, well, on whatever I come up with:
Global warming will effect the economy by making us spend all our money on air cons. This will allow less money for food but that won't matter because all the food would be frizzles up anyway so there won't be much and because economics works with the principle of "Supply and Demand", food will be super expensive. We will therefore have to start eating air cons which will ultimately result in a form of evolution where we adapt to eat solid metal objects and slowly we will become less and less human and more and more um, something else.
Sheep farming is about farming sheep. Sheep are wool-ey. They make wool. You can't eat wool. You can't drink it either. You can wear it but not while it's still on the sheep. Some sheep have green wool and some sheep have blue wool and some sheep have pink wool and some sheep have orange wool and that's why there are different coloured jerseys.
There is a housing crises in North Africa. It's because the global warming forced the sheep to take refuge in the houses and so the people couldn't live with the sheep because they stink (the people stink) and so now there is a housing crises.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
A "Fat Day"
The button of my jeans is going to fly off any moment now and hit someone in the face. That someone may even be me. Why? I haven't suddenly become enormously fat and my jeans haven't become extremely tiny, I just have too many pairs of pants on at once.
I had to pull the bottom pair up until almost under my arms just to get the jeans to actually close. I put multiple long top layers over obviously to hide my shocking pink, underarm pants but oh my hat, it's hard to feel completely normal like this.
I mean, you have these pants that are bunching up halfway up your torso and look like a fat roll halfway down your ribs and then a one-cheek looking bum and all the layers make movement so restricted and soon you feel a bit faint because something is cutting off your circulation somewhere but to find what item in the layered levels it is, is extremely time consuming and cold. Sometimes scissors are the only option.
Maybe that explains the holes people have in their jeans. Shame, they must've been in serious trouble when they cut through their jeans;) That or an ice-skating accident, which reminds me, if you're female, always shave your legs before you go ice-skating! I am not speaking from experience but I can just imagine.
I am so tired. It's from waking up 2 hours prior to what I should because my sweet Al needs to hear an hour's worth of incessant beeping to wake up in the mornings and already gets up an hour before me :) I am mentioning this to explain the peculiarity of this post. Not that I feel the need to justify my random ramblings to anyone but you may have wondered "Is she on something?" and yes, I am. It's called Flax Seed oil and Pharmaton. Lovely stuff!
I feel like chocolate.
I had to pull the bottom pair up until almost under my arms just to get the jeans to actually close. I put multiple long top layers over obviously to hide my shocking pink, underarm pants but oh my hat, it's hard to feel completely normal like this.
I mean, you have these pants that are bunching up halfway up your torso and look like a fat roll halfway down your ribs and then a one-cheek looking bum and all the layers make movement so restricted and soon you feel a bit faint because something is cutting off your circulation somewhere but to find what item in the layered levels it is, is extremely time consuming and cold. Sometimes scissors are the only option.
Maybe that explains the holes people have in their jeans. Shame, they must've been in serious trouble when they cut through their jeans;) That or an ice-skating accident, which reminds me, if you're female, always shave your legs before you go ice-skating! I am not speaking from experience but I can just imagine.
I am so tired. It's from waking up 2 hours prior to what I should because my sweet Al needs to hear an hour's worth of incessant beeping to wake up in the mornings and already gets up an hour before me :) I am mentioning this to explain the peculiarity of this post. Not that I feel the need to justify my random ramblings to anyone but you may have wondered "Is she on something?" and yes, I am. It's called Flax Seed oil and Pharmaton. Lovely stuff!
I feel like chocolate.
A song for Di
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do dooooooo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo Clinton-chopface!
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do dooooooo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo Clinton-chopface!
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do dooooooo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo Clinton-chopface!
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do dooooooo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo Clinton-chopface!
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do dooooooo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo Clinton-chopface!
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do dooooooo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo Clinton-chopface!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Working at the Wild Coast Sun - A life changing experience
In 1996, a group of 9 teenagers, ages 15-19, headed off from Gauteng to the Wild Coast Sun for a working Christmas Holiday. I was one of these 9.
We first had to go for 3 days of customer service and job-orientated training where we had to learn to deal with difficult customers, promote the games in the newly built games stalls (yes, you people who frequent the wild coast sun, we were the very first to stand in those stalls and get people to play) and how the prize system worked.
The idea was that we would stand in these stalls and encourage people to play the games and demonstrate how to play them and hand out various plush toys as prizes.
Part of our training was to get to know each other and so we all had to tell the person on our left what our biggest dream was and then they would tell everyone about that person's biggest dream. I didn't realise how seriously everyone would take it and so I told my friend, let's call him Frank ,that my biggest dream was to bite into a slab of chocolate. It was all fine until we heard everyone Else's serious and inspiring stories (saving lives, flying planes, changing the world, etc). Mine was, typically, last and so Frank managed to get it out amongst his frantic laughing at realising how ridiculous mine sounded amidst everyone Else's. It was awkward and I was met with very peculiar stares but it was most funny and even now, I can't help laughing!
Another part of our training was role playing. My friend Frank and I teamed up for this, me being the difficult customer and him being the Games Stall attendant. I was a very difficult customer indeed and complained that my toy's head had just come off. This was, of course, ridiculous because there was no chance it's head would ever come off but it was all good fun and Frank was between very flustered and very giggly and we were super excited to get there and try our training out for real.
Upon arrival at our accommodation, we discovered that all 9 of us were sharing a 3 bedroom-ed apartment with a kitchenette with one bathroom. It didn't matter! We would sleep on the bathroom floor because we were on a wonderful working holiday! Yay!
The next day, we met our bosses. They took away all our off days so that we worked 7 days a week in shifts. These shifts were long and tiring and we all ended up getting very sick and living off dry two minute noodles because we didn't have the energy to cook them, plus they almost taste better dry!
On Christmas day, however, we summoned up the energy to cook a full Christmas Dinner and we spent all day preparing the meal. That evening, one of the guys stole one of my sister's roast potatoes and so she got up and proceeded to chase him around the entire complex screaming at him to give her potato back. Yes, it was that bad.
But it was not all bad, we had a lot of fun and it is mostly that that we all talk about.
There were a few of us who were more mischievous than others and myself and one of the guys, let's name him, Samantha, decided to go and toothpaste, let's call him, Petunia, while he was sleeping. We put a small blob of toothpaste on top of Petunia's head and ran away.
Moments later, Petunia stormed into the lounge announcing in the Queen's English that he had woken up with a burning sensation on his head and it was not pleasant. He later admitted that he was confused at first when he woke up and thought that he had somehow managed to get a giant humbug sweet on his head and that it was melting. The poor guy!
One of the funniest moments for me was my very first difficult customer who came to my stall when Frank and I were standing together. His complaint was that the toy's head was coming off. Frank and I took one look at each other and burst out laughing, all customer service training forgotten. The man was nice though and said that he'd just sew it back on.
There were other funny moments that involved my male cousin, heavily medicated from being ill, sitting on the pavement outside the Magic Company, waiting for the bus and asking an imaginary barman in the sky for a drink or everyone getting their clothes muddled up and that same male cousin ending up trying my sister's panties on and looking down at the very tight panties wondering what could've gone wrong with his underwear.
Other funny moments involved games of truth, dare and command where Samantha pounced on Frank as he climbed through the window (yes, we didn't use the door much for some odd reason) and kissed him, much to Frank's surprise! Or Samantha snuggling up to Frank in his sleep. Frank was left quite confused by all of it.
All in all, it was life changing for most of us because it was our first taste of Independence, difficulty and learning to adapt to challenging circumstances.
Even though the working conditions were far from ideal, the living arrangements crowded and getting sick unpleasant, I don't regret doing it because it dispelled my shyness. I could hardly say two words to strangers before the experience and now I'm quite comfortable speaking to anyone.
We first had to go for 3 days of customer service and job-orientated training where we had to learn to deal with difficult customers, promote the games in the newly built games stalls (yes, you people who frequent the wild coast sun, we were the very first to stand in those stalls and get people to play) and how the prize system worked.
The idea was that we would stand in these stalls and encourage people to play the games and demonstrate how to play them and hand out various plush toys as prizes.
Part of our training was to get to know each other and so we all had to tell the person on our left what our biggest dream was and then they would tell everyone about that person's biggest dream. I didn't realise how seriously everyone would take it and so I told my friend, let's call him Frank ,that my biggest dream was to bite into a slab of chocolate. It was all fine until we heard everyone Else's serious and inspiring stories (saving lives, flying planes, changing the world, etc). Mine was, typically, last and so Frank managed to get it out amongst his frantic laughing at realising how ridiculous mine sounded amidst everyone Else's. It was awkward and I was met with very peculiar stares but it was most funny and even now, I can't help laughing!
Another part of our training was role playing. My friend Frank and I teamed up for this, me being the difficult customer and him being the Games Stall attendant. I was a very difficult customer indeed and complained that my toy's head had just come off. This was, of course, ridiculous because there was no chance it's head would ever come off but it was all good fun and Frank was between very flustered and very giggly and we were super excited to get there and try our training out for real.
Upon arrival at our accommodation, we discovered that all 9 of us were sharing a 3 bedroom-ed apartment with a kitchenette with one bathroom. It didn't matter! We would sleep on the bathroom floor because we were on a wonderful working holiday! Yay!
The next day, we met our bosses. They took away all our off days so that we worked 7 days a week in shifts. These shifts were long and tiring and we all ended up getting very sick and living off dry two minute noodles because we didn't have the energy to cook them, plus they almost taste better dry!
On Christmas day, however, we summoned up the energy to cook a full Christmas Dinner and we spent all day preparing the meal. That evening, one of the guys stole one of my sister's roast potatoes and so she got up and proceeded to chase him around the entire complex screaming at him to give her potato back. Yes, it was that bad.
But it was not all bad, we had a lot of fun and it is mostly that that we all talk about.
There were a few of us who were more mischievous than others and myself and one of the guys, let's name him, Samantha, decided to go and toothpaste, let's call him, Petunia, while he was sleeping. We put a small blob of toothpaste on top of Petunia's head and ran away.
Moments later, Petunia stormed into the lounge announcing in the Queen's English that he had woken up with a burning sensation on his head and it was not pleasant. He later admitted that he was confused at first when he woke up and thought that he had somehow managed to get a giant humbug sweet on his head and that it was melting. The poor guy!
One of the funniest moments for me was my very first difficult customer who came to my stall when Frank and I were standing together. His complaint was that the toy's head was coming off. Frank and I took one look at each other and burst out laughing, all customer service training forgotten. The man was nice though and said that he'd just sew it back on.
There were other funny moments that involved my male cousin, heavily medicated from being ill, sitting on the pavement outside the Magic Company, waiting for the bus and asking an imaginary barman in the sky for a drink or everyone getting their clothes muddled up and that same male cousin ending up trying my sister's panties on and looking down at the very tight panties wondering what could've gone wrong with his underwear.
Other funny moments involved games of truth, dare and command where Samantha pounced on Frank as he climbed through the window (yes, we didn't use the door much for some odd reason) and kissed him, much to Frank's surprise! Or Samantha snuggling up to Frank in his sleep. Frank was left quite confused by all of it.
All in all, it was life changing for most of us because it was our first taste of Independence, difficulty and learning to adapt to challenging circumstances.
Even though the working conditions were far from ideal, the living arrangements crowded and getting sick unpleasant, I don't regret doing it because it dispelled my shyness. I could hardly say two words to strangers before the experience and now I'm quite comfortable speaking to anyone.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Results are out!
Finally, all my results are out and I did so much better than I expected to, especially in the one I didn't open a book for! I am very pleased! Now I can relax and focus on the wedding planning and maybe just read my books for English but no more studying until next year!
WEDDING STUFF HERE I COME!!
WEDDING STUFF HERE I COME!!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The 24th of June
Today is the 24th of June. Last year, and for the past 6 years prior to that, I would've recorded some ridiculous voice recording on my cellphone and smsed it to Kerry for her birthday. This year, I can't do that and so instead of being despondent and sad, I am going to think of the happy and fun times that Kerry and I shared and celebrate that this marvellous person lived and touched everyone's lives so deeply.
Kerry and I met in 2004 when I went to work at a freight company where she was the airfreight imports and exports controller.
Kerry was very friendly from the word go and we used to spend hours talking about things from religion to men to music to dogs to our families and it was really great.
As we got to know each other better, I discovered that she too had a very mischievous side and soon we were playing pranks on other people together or on each other.
She used to hide behind the door when she heard me walking down the passage and give me a huge fright 3 or 4 times a day! Eventually one day, I decided that it was payback time and so when I arrived early one morning, before she did, I went into her office, pulled her chair out from under her desk and crawled under her desk and waited.
Eventually she arrived at work and came into her office and sat down. I just sat under her desk and waited. After about 5 minutes, I grabbed her feet and she gasped out in fright! We giggled about it the whole day. :)
There were some staff members from another company in the same building who used to frequently go into the ladies bathrooms and go into the stalls and sleep. They would fall so fast asleep that we'd hear them snoring. This was problematic as it meant that nobody else could use the bathrooms.
Kerry would sneak into the bathroom and bang on the doors and yell "WAKE UP!" and sometimes throw a handful of water over the door and then run like anything to hide away so that they didn't know who had disturbed their afternoon nap. :)
We both loved Phantom of the Opera and we'd frequently listen to the music together and sing along. It was always Christine's "Think of me" that appealed to me so much and so we would joke with each other when one of us would go on leave and send an email to the other saying "Think of me, think of me fondly when you say goodbye!"
Towards the last few months of my working at that company and living in Johannesburg, I joined Kerry's choir where we practised every Sunday afternoon. It was a great experience and I thoroughly enjoyed it and it was so nice to see Kerry as she was surrounded by the people she was close to and to see that she was not a different person around other people. Who Kerry was, was who Kerry was with everyone, she showed no bias.
The day I left the company, Kerry and I stood sobbing and hugging in the parking lot. Although Cape Town was only a 2 hour flight, it felt so wrong leaving behind someone that I'd come to value and appreciate and depend on for advice and moral support and a mischief companion for so long.
We kept in contact via phone and sms and email and when I came up to Johannesburg, I always made a point of going to see Kerry at work or wherever. She was one of those friends who was worth making the effort for.
And so on this day, the 24th of June, it is not a sad day, it is a happy day when I can think of her, think of her fondly even if we've said goodbye.
Kerry and I met in 2004 when I went to work at a freight company where she was the airfreight imports and exports controller.
Kerry was very friendly from the word go and we used to spend hours talking about things from religion to men to music to dogs to our families and it was really great.
As we got to know each other better, I discovered that she too had a very mischievous side and soon we were playing pranks on other people together or on each other.
She used to hide behind the door when she heard me walking down the passage and give me a huge fright 3 or 4 times a day! Eventually one day, I decided that it was payback time and so when I arrived early one morning, before she did, I went into her office, pulled her chair out from under her desk and crawled under her desk and waited.
Eventually she arrived at work and came into her office and sat down. I just sat under her desk and waited. After about 5 minutes, I grabbed her feet and she gasped out in fright! We giggled about it the whole day. :)
There were some staff members from another company in the same building who used to frequently go into the ladies bathrooms and go into the stalls and sleep. They would fall so fast asleep that we'd hear them snoring. This was problematic as it meant that nobody else could use the bathrooms.
Kerry would sneak into the bathroom and bang on the doors and yell "WAKE UP!" and sometimes throw a handful of water over the door and then run like anything to hide away so that they didn't know who had disturbed their afternoon nap. :)
We both loved Phantom of the Opera and we'd frequently listen to the music together and sing along. It was always Christine's "Think of me" that appealed to me so much and so we would joke with each other when one of us would go on leave and send an email to the other saying "Think of me, think of me fondly when you say goodbye!"
Towards the last few months of my working at that company and living in Johannesburg, I joined Kerry's choir where we practised every Sunday afternoon. It was a great experience and I thoroughly enjoyed it and it was so nice to see Kerry as she was surrounded by the people she was close to and to see that she was not a different person around other people. Who Kerry was, was who Kerry was with everyone, she showed no bias.
The day I left the company, Kerry and I stood sobbing and hugging in the parking lot. Although Cape Town was only a 2 hour flight, it felt so wrong leaving behind someone that I'd come to value and appreciate and depend on for advice and moral support and a mischief companion for so long.
We kept in contact via phone and sms and email and when I came up to Johannesburg, I always made a point of going to see Kerry at work or wherever. She was one of those friends who was worth making the effort for.
And so on this day, the 24th of June, it is not a sad day, it is a happy day when I can think of her, think of her fondly even if we've said goodbye.
I PASSED!!
I could scream it from the rooftops, from the street corners and from the bottom of the swimming pool: I PASSED PYC1502!!! I passed! I passed!!!!! YAY!!! DOUBLE YAY!!!!! Oh the relief when you're so sure that it's gonna bite you and you're never ever going to get your degree because you'll just keep failing your one first year subject and then you pass! With above 60 which was so essential!! Oh yay!! I am so relieved!!! PHEW!!! Oh, PYC1502 is the Psychology subject that I was stressing so much about.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not bragging or being boastful (maybe if I got like 90% I would :) ), I'm just so relieved and felt the need to share my immense relief! PHEWness!
Maybe I should do the other two modules similar to this one as soon as possible and get them over with too!
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not bragging or being boastful (maybe if I got like 90% I would :) ), I'm just so relieved and felt the need to share my immense relief! PHEWness!
Maybe I should do the other two modules similar to this one as soon as possible and get them over with too!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Speeches
I have decided that seeing as we're not living in the dark ages, I shall be joining Al in a speech at our wedding. Maybe this will make old ladies point and gasp and say that I should "know my place" blah blah blah, ja, ja, you should also tone down the purple in your hair but we all accept that you're a bit heavy on the gensen violet and move on.
So, I was wondering what exactly we'd say besides "Thank you" to so many people who have been such a help and inspiration to us. I have some rough thoughts and ideas but I haven't put them all together yet or edited them or deleted the not-so-great ones:
1. My sister said that Alan must've used just the right washing powder. If there's one thing I can say, it's that it doesn't matter how gorgeous a person is or how amazing their personality is, if they smell gross to me, it's a no-go. No stinkers allowed! This is a no-stink zone!
I once had a big crush on some dude years and years ago and when I gave him a hug one day, he smelt like rotten bacon. He was gorgeous and sweet and funny and...stinky. That was it, crush over! (I would not include most of this in the speech, just the bit about the washing powder)
2. Alan looks just beautiful ;) I'll have to find a way to say "Al, you look so hot!" or maybe, I'll just say that. I've only seen him in a suit once and he looked amazing. Can't wait to see him in one again!
3. When I met Al, I had to kick him out of my office after 3 hours because he just wouldn't leave :) I met him at work. He came to give me training on an aspect of the accounting software.
4. We say thanks to our parents for raising us to be such marvellous people ;). Actually, my mom is walking me down the aisle and plans to pass me to Al and say "There, my boy! I've had her for 31 years, take her and good luck!" :D
You see, this is where I get stuck. We say thank you, say some nice stuff about each other and then that's that? We don't want it to be too long-winded obviously but I don't want to leave anything necessary out. Am I? I'd do the whole speech in rhyme if possible but i think Al will think I'm mental if I suggest it.
So, I was wondering what exactly we'd say besides "Thank you" to so many people who have been such a help and inspiration to us. I have some rough thoughts and ideas but I haven't put them all together yet or edited them or deleted the not-so-great ones:
1. My sister said that Alan must've used just the right washing powder. If there's one thing I can say, it's that it doesn't matter how gorgeous a person is or how amazing their personality is, if they smell gross to me, it's a no-go. No stinkers allowed! This is a no-stink zone!
I once had a big crush on some dude years and years ago and when I gave him a hug one day, he smelt like rotten bacon. He was gorgeous and sweet and funny and...stinky. That was it, crush over! (I would not include most of this in the speech, just the bit about the washing powder)
2. Alan looks just beautiful ;) I'll have to find a way to say "Al, you look so hot!" or maybe, I'll just say that. I've only seen him in a suit once and he looked amazing. Can't wait to see him in one again!
3. When I met Al, I had to kick him out of my office after 3 hours because he just wouldn't leave :) I met him at work. He came to give me training on an aspect of the accounting software.
4. We say thanks to our parents for raising us to be such marvellous people ;). Actually, my mom is walking me down the aisle and plans to pass me to Al and say "There, my boy! I've had her for 31 years, take her and good luck!" :D
You see, this is where I get stuck. We say thank you, say some nice stuff about each other and then that's that? We don't want it to be too long-winded obviously but I don't want to leave anything necessary out. Am I? I'd do the whole speech in rhyme if possible but i think Al will think I'm mental if I suggest it.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Phew!
I spent almost all my study time studying for my psychology exam and severely neglected the other 3.
After my psych exam was done, I ended up with huge work deadlines, issues at home to sort out and numerous other things which I just couldn't put aside.
It hit me that perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew trying to study 4 modules part-time with various other demands that I could not ignore. It was too late to change anything though and so I made the most of the situation and ended up studying the day/night before each exam.
I expected to do so badly, or even fail, my 3 modules and so far, I've only received my one result back and I passed! I passed with 60% which is hardly fantastic but I am so thrilled and relieved to have passed with the required mark for post-grad studies later on which are essential to my qualification! I am so relieved that I had to share it.
Now hopefully the other modules are ok and I get through them too. I shall be taking on more bite-sized portions in future though as this spreading myself too thinly will only result in things not going as well as they could!
After my psych exam was done, I ended up with huge work deadlines, issues at home to sort out and numerous other things which I just couldn't put aside.
It hit me that perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew trying to study 4 modules part-time with various other demands that I could not ignore. It was too late to change anything though and so I made the most of the situation and ended up studying the day/night before each exam.
I expected to do so badly, or even fail, my 3 modules and so far, I've only received my one result back and I passed! I passed with 60% which is hardly fantastic but I am so thrilled and relieved to have passed with the required mark for post-grad studies later on which are essential to my qualification! I am so relieved that I had to share it.
Now hopefully the other modules are ok and I get through them too. I shall be taking on more bite-sized portions in future though as this spreading myself too thinly will only result in things not going as well as they could!
Wedding nightmares
Are nightmares about things going dismally wrong at your wedding normal? I had the worst dream last night!! Oh my word! I have to share it but I first have to give you some background info on the person in my dream:
My mom grew up on a farm and some of the neighbouring farmy-people were a bit, um, well, they were backward. I mean, they had like serious mental problems.
Anyway, so this batty old lady really liked my gran and so my gran was always nice to her and her kids and her youngest kid, who is about 75 now, attached himself to my uncle. He visited my mom and my aunt and my gran now and then too. I shall call him Bob. We called him Uncle Bob out of respect (HA!)
Anyway, so one day, my older cousin, um, I'll call her Betty, turned 16 and Uncle Bob decided that Betty was a dish and so he went to visit her and brought her a present in the form of a portable radio. Betty was like "Cool! Gee, thanks, Uncle Bob!" and we all just thought that he was just a nice, dilly old man. O.k, ja, he ate his own cows with names, etc but he was backward and weird so it was ok. But Uncle Bob had not so innocent intentions, he had the hots for Betty and soon my aunt told his to um, well, to f. off.
Years later, my sister, who was very hot, turned 16 and so guess who came around with a portable radio? Uncle Bob!! So, my mom laughed at him at first until she realised how serious he was. She also then told him to um, to f. off. Disgusting creepy man!
Anyway, so in my dream, my sister decided to get involved in the wedding planning and cancelled our DJ behind our backs and hired UNCLE BOB! He pitched up with one of his portable radios and played some weird old Afrikaans Boere-orkes (very old-school traditional Afrikaans music played with an accordion and banjo) type of music for me to walk down the aisle to as well as for the entire reception! My sister threw all the flowers out and well, ja, it was just awful!! :D
There was some vague something about the bridesmaids being tied up and hidden away too but the details are a little fuzzy.
I am not one of those people who expect the day to be absolutely perfect but going smoothly is always good. At least I can rest assured that nothing that bad would ever happen and I shall think of this dream should any minor glitches stress me out! :)
My mom grew up on a farm and some of the neighbouring farmy-people were a bit, um, well, they were backward. I mean, they had like serious mental problems.
Anyway, so this batty old lady really liked my gran and so my gran was always nice to her and her kids and her youngest kid, who is about 75 now, attached himself to my uncle. He visited my mom and my aunt and my gran now and then too. I shall call him Bob. We called him Uncle Bob out of respect (HA!)
Anyway, so one day, my older cousin, um, I'll call her Betty, turned 16 and Uncle Bob decided that Betty was a dish and so he went to visit her and brought her a present in the form of a portable radio. Betty was like "Cool! Gee, thanks, Uncle Bob!" and we all just thought that he was just a nice, dilly old man. O.k, ja, he ate his own cows with names, etc but he was backward and weird so it was ok. But Uncle Bob had not so innocent intentions, he had the hots for Betty and soon my aunt told his to um, well, to f. off.
Years later, my sister, who was very hot, turned 16 and so guess who came around with a portable radio? Uncle Bob!! So, my mom laughed at him at first until she realised how serious he was. She also then told him to um, to f. off. Disgusting creepy man!
Anyway, so in my dream, my sister decided to get involved in the wedding planning and cancelled our DJ behind our backs and hired UNCLE BOB! He pitched up with one of his portable radios and played some weird old Afrikaans Boere-orkes (very old-school traditional Afrikaans music played with an accordion and banjo) type of music for me to walk down the aisle to as well as for the entire reception! My sister threw all the flowers out and well, ja, it was just awful!! :D
There was some vague something about the bridesmaids being tied up and hidden away too but the details are a little fuzzy.
I am not one of those people who expect the day to be absolutely perfect but going smoothly is always good. At least I can rest assured that nothing that bad would ever happen and I shall think of this dream should any minor glitches stress me out! :)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
She feels like she's dying
Poor Di. She feels like she's dying. She made all sorts of threats and statements to us here at work in case she dies. She has a bit of a stomach bug but I suppose your stomach feeling grotty can make you feel so awful that death may seem like a good "out".
So, Di has no official will or statement of what she wants or what she wants given, etc, that I know of, or what should happen should she suddenly die and so this here, all these bits of info I've gathered from our 5 minute chat, is the closest to that:
- Liam has to hug her corpse. In return, there will be lots of hot women and alcohol for him to comfort said hot women with. They will/must be crying at all times.
- There must be lots of dogs and they must howl in sadness.
- Wiggy must be a paul bearer and she must get a big piece of cake.
That's about all. Some people are all about the simple pleasures in lif...er, death I suppose.
If Di dies, I'll be shocked. It's just a tummy bug, Di the pie, you'll be ok. Lie on the couch and go to sleep, I'll answer the phones :)
So, Di has no official will or statement of what she wants or what she wants given, etc, that I know of, or what should happen should she suddenly die and so this here, all these bits of info I've gathered from our 5 minute chat, is the closest to that:
- Liam has to hug her corpse. In return, there will be lots of hot women and alcohol for him to comfort said hot women with. They will/must be crying at all times.
- There must be lots of dogs and they must howl in sadness.
- Wiggy must be a paul bearer and she must get a big piece of cake.
That's about all. Some people are all about the simple pleasures in lif...er, death I suppose.
If Di dies, I'll be shocked. It's just a tummy bug, Di the pie, you'll be ok. Lie on the couch and go to sleep, I'll answer the phones :)
Monday, June 13, 2011
Home remedies that work
First and foremost, I must mention that suggestions below are subject to the Disclaimer mentioned right at the bottom of this post. Failure to read this disclaimer may result in chop-ish behaviour so just read it, k?
Stain removal:
This depends on what colour the stain is and what colour the fabric is. If it's beetroot, red wine or the blood of your victim, your best bet is to soak the entire garment/table cloth/curtains in the exact same red substance to ensure even colour all over the garment. BAM! Stain gone!
For anything else. try washing it.
Hair trimming at home:
Let's face it, we're all busy, we don't have enough time in our day to stop and smell the roses, let alone figure out how the scissors work so why not try the tried and tested method of trimming your hair; Set it on fire! Wash your hair with a deep cleansing shampoo to remove all excess gel, hairspray, chemicals, etc and then dry until slightly crispy with a hair dryer. Then very carefully divide the hair into sections that require being trimmed to the same length (maybe get a friend to help you), light a match, burn to the required length and then douse the flames using a wet cloth or a bucket of sand. Voila! Who needs a hairdresser!
Dental work at home:
I would not recommend this but if you really have to, then here's what I suggest for basic self-dentistry:
Fillings - Tile cement and a nail file
Cleaning and polishing - An industrial sander
Bleaching - Tippex
Wall repairs:
This goes mainly for smaller holes in the wall. Also, a tried and tested method.
Get a butter knife and scrape all loose concrete out of the hole. Now, stuff little wads of white toilet paper into the wall and then colour in any other parts of the white wall with tippex. Next, find a picture and hang it over the hole. If this partially blocks a doorway, not to worry, it will look like you're exploring your "artistic side" or you can claim so anyway. You may even start a trend.
That's about all I have for now. Hope they help. Oh, please read the disclaimer below:
The author and all inspiring people who have contributed significantly to the trials and conceptualising of these ideas waive all rights to any damage or death caused to self or others by following any of the advice above. They are more like guidelines or suggestions than actual advice. The people who have tested these theories either did so under strict supervision, in an act of desperation or by accident. Please, do not try this at home, at school, at work, in the mall, in a club and anywhere else where there is not someone of sound mind to stop you.
Stain removal:
This depends on what colour the stain is and what colour the fabric is. If it's beetroot, red wine or the blood of your victim, your best bet is to soak the entire garment/table cloth/curtains in the exact same red substance to ensure even colour all over the garment. BAM! Stain gone!
For anything else. try washing it.
Hair trimming at home:
Let's face it, we're all busy, we don't have enough time in our day to stop and smell the roses, let alone figure out how the scissors work so why not try the tried and tested method of trimming your hair; Set it on fire! Wash your hair with a deep cleansing shampoo to remove all excess gel, hairspray, chemicals, etc and then dry until slightly crispy with a hair dryer. Then very carefully divide the hair into sections that require being trimmed to the same length (maybe get a friend to help you), light a match, burn to the required length and then douse the flames using a wet cloth or a bucket of sand. Voila! Who needs a hairdresser!
Dental work at home:
I would not recommend this but if you really have to, then here's what I suggest for basic self-dentistry:
Fillings - Tile cement and a nail file
Cleaning and polishing - An industrial sander
Bleaching - Tippex
Wall repairs:
This goes mainly for smaller holes in the wall. Also, a tried and tested method.
Get a butter knife and scrape all loose concrete out of the hole. Now, stuff little wads of white toilet paper into the wall and then colour in any other parts of the white wall with tippex. Next, find a picture and hang it over the hole. If this partially blocks a doorway, not to worry, it will look like you're exploring your "artistic side" or you can claim so anyway. You may even start a trend.
That's about all I have for now. Hope they help. Oh, please read the disclaimer below:
The author and all inspiring people who have contributed significantly to the trials and conceptualising of these ideas waive all rights to any damage or death caused to self or others by following any of the advice above. They are more like guidelines or suggestions than actual advice. The people who have tested these theories either did so under strict supervision, in an act of desperation or by accident. Please, do not try this at home, at school, at work, in the mall, in a club and anywhere else where there is not someone of sound mind to stop you.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Jack Johnson's "Fortunate Fool"
I am listening to Liam playing Jack Johnson's "Fortunate Fool" and it makes me think of the time I donned some one's over-sized slippers and ran down the street to get something out of my car, thinking that the streets would be empty. They weren't. There were people everywhere and there I was in super fluffy slippers four sizes too big for me trying very hard to look inconspicuous.
I also once went for a walk with two different people. Not at the same time, although that would've been cool.
Anyway, so the one walk was at 3am and ended up in the mall where security chased us out because they thought we were there to burgle the mall.
The next walk was just around the nearby neighbourhood where we looked for people to join us. That particular day was weird and unsuccessful. Weird because we stood outside some guys house and called his name in weird voices which we thought sounded like birds. Ja, weird. Later we walked past a lady's house where the door was wide open and the entire house was in darkness. It looked sort of...haunted. We knocked and called for the person we were looking for and suddenly....we gave up and walked on. Pointless. Well, actually we kind of ran away because we were worried that that high pitched piano music would start playing and a grotesque man with a giant axe would jump out and hack us to pieces and we'd scream like girls, me being the only girl out of the two of us, and that would be that. Weird.
I also once went for a walk with two different people. Not at the same time, although that would've been cool.
Anyway, so the one walk was at 3am and ended up in the mall where security chased us out because they thought we were there to burgle the mall.
The next walk was just around the nearby neighbourhood where we looked for people to join us. That particular day was weird and unsuccessful. Weird because we stood outside some guys house and called his name in weird voices which we thought sounded like birds. Ja, weird. Later we walked past a lady's house where the door was wide open and the entire house was in darkness. It looked sort of...haunted. We knocked and called for the person we were looking for and suddenly....we gave up and walked on. Pointless. Well, actually we kind of ran away because we were worried that that high pitched piano music would start playing and a grotesque man with a giant axe would jump out and hack us to pieces and we'd scream like girls, me being the only girl out of the two of us, and that would be that. Weird.
Feeling like rubbish
I feel like rubbish today. Not in the sense that I feel like eating rubbish in terms of junk food or actual rubbish, just to be clear, nor in terms of having my skin or my clothes feel like rubbish either, nor in an emotional sense. In a flu-ey sense. Rubbish. I explain what seems like obvious obviousims because they are obviously not as obvious to everyone. Obviously.
I am currently, over the past two weeks, watching someone fall to pieces in a most peculiar way. I don't really understand why and I can't really help because they seem oblivious to it but it is somewhat concerning and somewhere along the line, some sort of intervention may be necessary. This has nothing to do with feeling like rubbish except that I suspect that they too, feel like rubbish in some sort of way and are trying to "fix it".
This morning Di wore what I will call her "Slipper shoes" and we were running in the rain to get inside and I thought that she had noticed the mini river that I had jumped over but she hadn't and so she stepped straight into it and then ferociously shook her sopping wet foot in my direction, spraying ice-cold slipper-shoe rain water all over my jeans. It was very funny but I'm sure that her foot felt like rubbish.
Two of my friends are fighting with each other. It's rubbish. I mean, it's horrible and is therefore rubbish.
I read the excerpt of some one's Master's thesis and I'm sorry to say but...yep, it was rubbish. Rubb-ish.
Rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish. This blog is just rubbish because I feel like rubbish.
O.k, sing this to the tune of "How much is that doggy in the window?":
Di says that she can't eat anything with a face. That is just rubbish. I've seen her wolf a chocolate Santa down faster that you can say "Cannibal" and a chocolate bunny faster than you can say "Angora jerseys". The moral of the story? Don't put chocolate on your face when Di is around.
It didn't fit in to the tune? Did you actually try it? Well, it was meant to! Try again! If it doesn't fit, it's not my fault, it is yours because your fitting of words into tunes is just rubbish ;)
I am currently, over the past two weeks, watching someone fall to pieces in a most peculiar way. I don't really understand why and I can't really help because they seem oblivious to it but it is somewhat concerning and somewhere along the line, some sort of intervention may be necessary. This has nothing to do with feeling like rubbish except that I suspect that they too, feel like rubbish in some sort of way and are trying to "fix it".
This morning Di wore what I will call her "Slipper shoes" and we were running in the rain to get inside and I thought that she had noticed the mini river that I had jumped over but she hadn't and so she stepped straight into it and then ferociously shook her sopping wet foot in my direction, spraying ice-cold slipper-shoe rain water all over my jeans. It was very funny but I'm sure that her foot felt like rubbish.
Two of my friends are fighting with each other. It's rubbish. I mean, it's horrible and is therefore rubbish.
I read the excerpt of some one's Master's thesis and I'm sorry to say but...yep, it was rubbish. Rubb-ish.
Rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish rubbish. This blog is just rubbish because I feel like rubbish.
O.k, sing this to the tune of "How much is that doggy in the window?":
Di says that she can't eat anything with a face. That is just rubbish. I've seen her wolf a chocolate Santa down faster that you can say "Cannibal" and a chocolate bunny faster than you can say "Angora jerseys". The moral of the story? Don't put chocolate on your face when Di is around.
It didn't fit in to the tune? Did you actually try it? Well, it was meant to! Try again! If it doesn't fit, it's not my fault, it is yours because your fitting of words into tunes is just rubbish ;)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Nostalgia
I'm having one of those nostalgic days. It's bad to live in the past apparently and I don't usually but perhaps it is Liam's classical piano music playing in the office next door that is bringing it on.
Music is a very strong reminder of things for me. Classical music is always a reminder of my childhood and ballet, which I love watching and used to love doing, and of certain people I met in my adult life.
In my nostalgic mood, I did a search in my emails for some of these people and read the emails we'd sent back and forth with that sad little feeling that creeps in after the "that was so awesome" feeling.
I have, at times, reached out to those people for the sake of what was before but often, people move, people change, you lose contact and the friendship frizzles out and is seldom reignited to be what it was before. It is sad but it is normal I suppose. It is this that drives me to maintain contact with important people so that the friendship doesn't ever frizzle out.
The piano music is amazing though and so I hope he doesn't stop playing it. A few hours of nostalgia never killed anyone and sometimes, I think it's good not to live in the past, but to remember those we've left behind.
Music is a very strong reminder of things for me. Classical music is always a reminder of my childhood and ballet, which I love watching and used to love doing, and of certain people I met in my adult life.
In my nostalgic mood, I did a search in my emails for some of these people and read the emails we'd sent back and forth with that sad little feeling that creeps in after the "that was so awesome" feeling.
I have, at times, reached out to those people for the sake of what was before but often, people move, people change, you lose contact and the friendship frizzles out and is seldom reignited to be what it was before. It is sad but it is normal I suppose. It is this that drives me to maintain contact with important people so that the friendship doesn't ever frizzle out.
The piano music is amazing though and so I hope he doesn't stop playing it. A few hours of nostalgia never killed anyone and sometimes, I think it's good not to live in the past, but to remember those we've left behind.
Addicted to the "Chuck" series
Hi all. My name is Audrey Harvey and I am addicted to the "Chuck" Series. There! I said it! That's the first step, right?
Alan has 4 seasons of "Chuck" on his external and so it is now my ritual to study, bath and then get into bed early in order to watch an episode or two of "Chuck" before bed.
I knew it had become an addiction when I started feeling funny if I didn't watch an episode before bed. "I can quit anytime!" I thought to myself. Unfortunately, I now find myself thinking about what will happen next in "Chuck" at work, on the way into work and on the way home!
Luckily, I only have one exam left for this semester and one more season of "Chuck" to go and then perhaps, after the withdrawals, my life can return to normal.
Don't fool yourself people. Don't think "Just one now and then won't do any harm." It will creep up on you and before you know it, BAM! It's got you! Don't say I didn't warn you!
Alan has 4 seasons of "Chuck" on his external and so it is now my ritual to study, bath and then get into bed early in order to watch an episode or two of "Chuck" before bed.
I knew it had become an addiction when I started feeling funny if I didn't watch an episode before bed. "I can quit anytime!" I thought to myself. Unfortunately, I now find myself thinking about what will happen next in "Chuck" at work, on the way into work and on the way home!
Luckily, I only have one exam left for this semester and one more season of "Chuck" to go and then perhaps, after the withdrawals, my life can return to normal.
Don't fool yourself people. Don't think "Just one now and then won't do any harm." It will creep up on you and before you know it, BAM! It's got you! Don't say I didn't warn you!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Winter Waddling
By the time the warm weather actually reappears, I am so tired of feeling heavy and walking super slowly with the tiniest steps imaginable. Why would winter make me feel heavy and walk slowly? Well, because of the many, many layers that I need to wear to, not keep warm, but be warm enough to function properly.
I've always been someone who gets cold very easily due to not having "much insulation", as it's been put, and so, you have to do what you have to do to add on the insulation!
If you're also prone to freezing your bum off more than most, perhaps you have a better suggestion to keep warm than mine? These are the extremes I go to:
- I wear multiple pairs of pants (today I'm wearing two pairs) and multiple tops and multiple jerseys and then one or two jackets. Sometimes I even wear two pairs of socks. All of this all at once.
- I get dressed over my Pj's. This is multiple layers too I suppose except they're already warm from being on you and being in your warm bed.
- I sit on my hands for every moment that they're not in use. This results in lots of pins and needles and redness but in the end, my hands warm up and my bum cheeks get quite toastey too.
- I do the actions for "twinkle twinkle little star". This doesn't do much except hurt the daylights out of my fingers. It is a good gauge, however, to see how cold you actually are. I'll call it the "twinkle twinkle little star frozen finger gauge." So original.
- I carry a dog upstairs and then lie in bed and force the dog to snuggle. This has worked previously but it really does depend on the dog's mood, what it's eaten and how cold the dog is. The sausage dog usually is more than willing to snuggle. All you have to do is dodge having your face licked and keep your mouth closed at all times.
I am now going to have scones and strawberry jam and cream and so that will be the end of this post. Ta-dah! The end!
I've always been someone who gets cold very easily due to not having "much insulation", as it's been put, and so, you have to do what you have to do to add on the insulation!
If you're also prone to freezing your bum off more than most, perhaps you have a better suggestion to keep warm than mine? These are the extremes I go to:
- I wear multiple pairs of pants (today I'm wearing two pairs) and multiple tops and multiple jerseys and then one or two jackets. Sometimes I even wear two pairs of socks. All of this all at once.
- I get dressed over my Pj's. This is multiple layers too I suppose except they're already warm from being on you and being in your warm bed.
- I sit on my hands for every moment that they're not in use. This results in lots of pins and needles and redness but in the end, my hands warm up and my bum cheeks get quite toastey too.
- I do the actions for "twinkle twinkle little star". This doesn't do much except hurt the daylights out of my fingers. It is a good gauge, however, to see how cold you actually are. I'll call it the "twinkle twinkle little star frozen finger gauge." So original.
- I carry a dog upstairs and then lie in bed and force the dog to snuggle. This has worked previously but it really does depend on the dog's mood, what it's eaten and how cold the dog is. The sausage dog usually is more than willing to snuggle. All you have to do is dodge having your face licked and keep your mouth closed at all times.
I am now going to have scones and strawberry jam and cream and so that will be the end of this post. Ta-dah!
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