Friday, August 21, 2009

Info on Tamarah (Tammy)

Tam was a woman obsessed
With dancing and getting undressed
She'd do argentine tango
whilst eating a mango
but bare bum, in case she messed.

Dad's favourite poem

Don't Quit Poem by anonymous

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must; but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up, though the pace seems slow;
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit;
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

And the answer is...

This is inspired by that "Ask Google thing". It's pretty much the same, except, it's questions I'd really like the answers to.

I decided to go with the second result for every question. If that doesn't work, I'll go with the third.

Q: Where is my shoe?
A: Apparently not even Google knows as it just asks me where It's shoe is too. Gives a brief description. Nothing like my shoe. Oh well.

Q: How am I meant to remember all these tiny details?
A:By working on as many kits as I like at one time. Er...

Q: I feel like something yummy, but what?
A: Like an uncool schoolkid. Oooh, canabilism. That's something new to try. I think I'll pass.

O.k, the girly questions:

Q: Will I ever find someone normal to date?
A: "The only reason you would find a date would be for sex." I don't like Google very much.

Q: Will it be good sex at least?
A: "I think magic could get me sex and love, or at least the illusion" Why Google you @*~!!

Q: I don't want to get married. That's normal, right?
A: "Maybe you enjoy being free or haven't found the right person for what you desire"

Q: What exactly do I desire from the supposed right person?
A: "To take hold or steal your heart" Oh vomit!

Normal questions:

Q: Will I be succesful?
A:"You will be successful in 5 years" I have to wait for 5 years???!!

Q: Where will I live?
A:"If you have completed 30 hours of credit, you will be required to live on campus. Otherwise with your parents" I assume this is before I become successful?

About my friends:

Q: Will Diana become a supermodel?
A: "To become a supermodel, one must be on all the covers, all over the world at the same time." Um, well, she should get naked and run through the streets, right? That'll get her publicity!

Q: Will Chantall really marry Gawie?
A: "Intention has to do with the will and the making of a choice"
I think this means that she'd have to get him to put her in his will by choice.

Q: Will Jarrod ever wake up to find that him and Tess have swapped bodies?
A: "But we really have to turn up the radio volume". This one is open for interpretation.

Q: Who will Gabs end up skinny dipping with? Jessica or Aldi?
A: "He'll need a ton of mayo and some cheetos with that" O.k, a bit too much info there.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


I've recently found it very amusing to post completely bizarre ads online to see what responses I get.
It never fails to suprise me when I get a response EVERY TIME!

Ad for "Chocolate Cake taster" - 1 response. I advertised that I wanted to be a professional chocolate cake taster. The response asked me if I was a pastry chef or a restaurant critic. Can't people read? I said that I just wanted to taste chocolate cake, minimal fees charged.

Ad for "Exorcist required for kitten" - 1 response (followed by a few mails thereafter). I had just adopted a new kitten and him being playful, I was covered in scratches and wasn't able to get much sleep. The response asked me for photos of the damage that he had caused and of the kitten. Apparently, "it is common that an animal's soul can be misplaced and be trapped in the body of another". Uh-huh.

Ad for "Stolen textbook. Someone please harass my sister until she gives it back" - 1 response. I advertised for someone to bug my sister at odd hours until she returned my textbook so that I can do my assignment. They just asked for her number. Hmmm, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no... oh what the hell. I'm kidding!!

Ad for "I want to be a dance instructor" - 2 responses. I just said that I'd had some experience in dancing and wanted to make it a profession (the market's bad at the mo, okay?). The response was a job that I did get (and lost due to a transport crises) and the other was a gym offering me a position to teach any kind of dancing that wouldn't kill fat people but would help them lose weight. Um, I can't teach any sort of weight loss anything, I'll vanish!

So, I'm thinking of something WAY out now. Like "wedding dresses made for gerbils"

Info on Chantall

Chantall and a chinese guy, Ming
Decided to have a short fling
So they did. It was fun.
But now it is done.
Oh well. Ta-dah. The end. Ping.

Some info on Diana

At midnight, alone she would creep
to beat people up "in her sleep"
She would hit with a spoon
By the light of the moon
Without making the tiniest peep.

Some info on Jarrod

Jarrod, who lived near the docks
Had a fetish for Jo'burger's socks
He'd grin in delight
At short socks so white
And use them to tie up his locks

Monday, August 17, 2009

Kittens for free!!

Two, er, adorable, rather active and, well um, pre-domesticated yet potty trained kittens looking for a good home.

New owner should ideally not have children, not be able to have children and really want children who propose a challenge.

Owner should perhaps have an obsession with gardening or dish washing or even ride a motor cycle.
As the proud, new owner of these two delightful so-and-s...,er kitties, you can expect random games of 'It's fun to re-arrange the bedroom furniture at 3am while I yowl obsceneties at you because I am the little furry genius who ran under your bed and am now too bloody terrified to move!"
Please note, your gardening, dish washing or motor cycle riding obsession will come in handy here. i.e:wear gloves.

Next, you get to re-live your naughty childhood days by jumping on your bed at 3am. In this game, which follows 'it's fun to re-arrange the bedroom furniture at 3am...', you get to shout obsceneties back at your new adorable kitten.
Please try to be as conscientious of your neighbors as possible during these games.

And finally, if having demonic children is a dream of yours, cute and furry Satan and Madam are waiting anxiously, one under the bed and the other under the table, to meet you.
If you can catch them, you can have them!

P.s: if you DO have a dish washing obsession, let me know.

Inspirational moments???

My boss passed away yesterday. It was a very sombre day at work today. The mood was contagious and we all left for home on a rather low note.

Generally, when people you know die, even people you didn't know that well, it gets you thinking.
Well, it got me thinking. You know, about stuff. Stuff like fighting with your family for insanely stupid things or not following your dream or passion because it's too hard or it doesn't pay well or the circumstances aren't quite ideal.

I suddenly grabbed my phone and typed an sms saying "Somebody loves you!" and sent it to a few of my friends. I'm not sure if it was the strawberries, the slab of chocolate or my bath water being too hot that made me think they would just get it, but the few responses weren't quite what I was expecting.

I got some smiley faces and a reciprocal message, a laughing face and a reciprocal message and then, I got a missed call from a number that I didn't recognise. I phoned it back to hear the voice of my friend, Kerry.
Kerry's phone had been stolen a while ago and although she had managed to have her number reinstated, she didn't have all the numbers she had had.

It turned out that she had used her brother's phone to phone me to find out which nutter had sent her this weird and random message. It was somewhat entertaining.

I think the people who didn't reply thought I was drinking.

Flat mate dilemmas

There once was a problem called Vicky,
who came in the form of a chicky.
She caused such despair,
that I lost chunks of hair,
& afterwards things became sticky.

The things that she would mount on the wall,
would SO make a sane person's skin crawl.
The whole look was tacky,
and made her look whackey.
It very nearly came to a brawl.

But now it is pretty and quiet,
after nearly having a riot.
I will say, with no smile,
for the next long-ish while,
I *will* be on a flat-mate diet.

One of the almost-worst movies ever!

"Across the universe" is a bad movie. When I say it's bad, I mean, it's REALLY bad. In fact, it's so bad that I would not recommend you watch it unless you have been drinking and have taken too many flu capsules and have someone sitting in the way of the screen and you fall asleep about a minute into it. Only then does it have potential.

For those who think "Oh I wish I could've been alive in the 60's and done all that crazy hippy stuff", um, no, you don't.

No amount of coffee or chips or grapefruit juice laced with dishwashing liquid could make this movie any better.

I fell asleep now and then but even sleep could not hold me in it's peacful arm's for long before blasted "Across the universe" bellowed yet another Beatles song and had me in it's evil clutches again.

Go on, hire it. Satisfy your curiosity, but I warn you, your dreams will be a little too weird afterwards.