Monday, June 13, 2011

Home remedies that work

First and foremost, I must mention that suggestions below are subject to the Disclaimer mentioned right at the bottom of this post. Failure to read this disclaimer may result in chop-ish behaviour so just read it, k?

Stain removal:

This depends on what colour the stain is and what colour the fabric is. If it's beetroot, red wine or the blood of your victim, your best bet is to soak the entire garment/table cloth/curtains in the exact same red substance to ensure even colour all over the garment. BAM! Stain gone!

For anything else. try washing it.

Hair trimming at home:

Let's face it, we're all busy, we don't have enough time in our day to stop and smell the roses, let alone figure out how the scissors work so why not try the tried and tested method of trimming your hair; Set it on fire! Wash your hair with a deep cleansing shampoo to remove all excess gel, hairspray, chemicals, etc and then dry until slightly crispy with a hair dryer. Then very carefully divide the hair into sections that require being trimmed to the same length (maybe get a friend to help you), light a match, burn to the required length and then douse the flames using a wet cloth or a bucket of sand. Voila! Who needs a hairdresser!

Dental work at home:

I would not recommend this but if you really have to, then here's what I suggest for basic self-dentistry:

Fillings - Tile cement and a nail file
Cleaning and polishing - An industrial sander
Bleaching - Tippex

Wall repairs:

This goes mainly for smaller holes in the wall. Also, a tried and tested method.
Get a butter knife and scrape all loose concrete out of the hole. Now, stuff little wads of white toilet paper into the wall and then colour in any other parts of the white wall with tippex. Next, find a picture and hang it over the hole. If this partially blocks a doorway, not to worry, it will look like you're exploring your "artistic side" or you can claim so anyway. You may even start a trend.

That's about all I have for now. Hope they help. Oh, please read the disclaimer below:

The author and all inspiring people who have contributed significantly to the trials and conceptualising of these ideas waive all rights to any damage or death caused to self or others by following any of the advice above. They are more like guidelines or suggestions than actual advice. The people who have tested these theories either did so under strict supervision, in an act of desperation or by accident. Please, do not try this at home, at school, at work, in the mall, in a club and anywhere else where there is not someone of sound mind to stop you.