Saturday, January 30, 2010

Freaks of society

I would like to know why people think I'm into freaky sexual things! I
thought that I looked exceedingly innocent. This last episode,
however, takes the cake. Quite literally.

It was about a year ago when some dude emailed me asking me if he
could tie me up and spank me and show me the darker side of sex. It
turned out that he was a friend from dancing who didn't recognize my
photo. I wrote it off as a once-off.

Not long after that, a 20 year old woman asked me if I would be
interested in having a threesome with her. And the guy I was dating. I had, up until
that point, felt really sorry for her but not THAT sorry for her! Man
alive! On
Christmas day of all things.

O.k, so she was feeling vulnerable and lonely and very confused. It
had nothing to do with me.

Just as I was forgetting the freaks of this world, a guy who
accidentally rode over and killed a padestrian on the N1, asked if he
could come over and feed me cupcakes in my underwear! No, no, not ME
in MY underwear, HIM in MY underwear!! I am serious! I thought he was
joking and told him that I doubted that my underwear would fit him.
He, however, wasn't when he said that he would find a way to squeeze
into it. "The tighter the fit, the less likely you are to get crumbs
where you don't want them." he replied.

O.k, people, this is it now. I am worried that I have become a

In English they say "birds of a feather flock together" and in
Afrikaans it's "soort soek soort". Am I really the same as these
loons? What does that say about all of you then if we're friends? Are
you all waiting until I'm not on my guard to unleash your inner
freak?;) Is this all just a freak fest? Is that why we use the term
"freak out"?

I think I'm gonna get Mr Bondage to tie Mr Cupcake up and then tell
Ms. Threesome where to find them!

Dull vs Bitch

There is a saying that says that nice guys (or girls) finish last. This isn't always so but sadly seems to be a more and more frequent occurrence.

It was in a moment of frustration and bewilderment that I asked a prior-nice-guy why this was.
"Because nice is dull and not exciting." he matter-of-factly replied.

I've read about playing hard-to-get, about not giving too much too soon and about keeping your deep, dark, psycho problems to yourself for a long, long time because all these things drive people away.

But being nice? As in just being friendly is dull and unexciting? Is this specific to people with various psychological disorders (Martyr syndrome, S & M fetishes, attention seekers, etc) or really to the general population? Must I become abusive and demanding and condescending and just very nasty generally to stand a chance of being liked by someone "normal"?? Where does this madness end?

Do I haul out the whips and chains (or go and buy them) or will swearing and cursing do?
Do I belittle what they love dearly or will appendages and singing do?
Do I demand to be fed peeled grapes every night while I brush my hair or will washing the dishes do?

It doesn't explain the divorce rate. If people start fighting and being exciting and interesting, surely they would stay married? Is the divorce rate so high because people are too nice to each other? Oh heaven forbid your husband or wife treats you with respect and love! Your relationship is doomed!

So, grab that rolling pin/golf club/toilet brush and work on your relationships before it's too late!