Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wedding details - The reception

The reception felt a little surreal. We'd opted for our own table as to be able to eat in peace and not have people bother us with little things while we were trying to take it all in.

There were a few glitches such as us losing microphone sound and the DJ playing nothing on our playlist and starting our dance music too soon but that aside, it went well and we had fun and we didn't fall over in our dance so we were happy.

It was a success overall and despite the fact that even to this day, not one of those family members have bothered to explain or even contact us for that matter, we were very happy.

The entire experience of planning and the actual day would not have been possible without Tamarah, who did the ceremony and was my "Calm down, you'll be ok" person, Melissa who did the invites and kicked my bum into gear in a big way with the planning, Diana who tagged along to everything so that I didn't go alone and bought me the most beautiful veil, Branwen and Nicola who came into everything late but kept everything together for the reception and the day in general, Leandri for her kind words and concern for my sanity in the last few weeks, Trudy who organised our hair and makeup and my nails and toenails and the flowers; My mom, Elaine, who did our overlays and had contagious excitement, Hendri and Tamarah who saved us from having no cake and from doing the sprinkler in our dance, Leslie, my sister, for phoning me a few weeks before to clear up the confusion and making the effort to come as the day would've been empty without her even if the entire family had pitched. Lastly to Adam, Chantall, Hendri, Morne and Nadia for flying up from Cape Town to share our day with us and filling our home with fun and laughter and a relaxed atmosphere before the big day.

Wedding Details - The actual wedding ceremony

As we stood there with the music playing, we had a quick discussion and shuffle of who was walking in first and handed out everybodies flowers - a single red rose.

As I started walking down the aisle with my mom, I noticed the first big issue; My entire family, barring my sister and my mom, had just not bothered to pitch. I'd had one of my cousins tell me that she couldn't make it but the rest had said that they were coming. I whispered to my mom "Where is everyone?" but I was soon feeling much better as I approached Al and he helped me over the mini-moat by the podium.

The ceremony was conducted by my M.O.H, Tamarah as we had been legally married at Home Affairs two days before. It was short and lovely and involved some guest participation too.

Alan winged his vows and they went something like this:

"They say that you should bend the tree while it's still young. The problem is, you're older than me. I suppose then that I'll have to honour you, like an honourable person. I'll have to cherish you, as long as you bring me cherries. I'll hold you at 2am when Kevin (his boss) says that I can go home. I love you with all my heart and promise to do so all my life."

It was my turn next. With trembling hands, I took the paper I'd written my vows on and said:

"I'll love you 'till the sun comes up,
and you hold out your hand for your coffee cup.
I'll love you when you're sick in bed,
or have stubbed your toe or hurt your head.
I'll love you and will always think you're so hot,
and I'll keep all others, in my blind spot.
I'll love you regardless of if we have money,
and I'll laugh at your jokes even if they're not funny.
I'll love you when you're 103,
despite your liking Dragon Ball Zee.
I'll love you more and more everyday,
way beyond when our hair has turned grey.
What I'm saying is that it's you I love most,
I'll love you 'till I die and turn into a ghost."

After that we walked past our guests as they threw rose petals on us and we had our photos taken with the bridal party while the guests went to have starters.

The photographer was really nice in that he took pictures of whatever or whomever we wanted and he let us give ideas as to what we'd like in terms of poses, etc.
In one photo, I had the bridesmaids all gather around Alan and put their hands on him. It turned out to be such a fun picture. It was nice to break the monotony that you sometimes get in wedding pics.

Summary of wedding details - Beforehand prep

I have not yet posted details about how our wedding went because I was hoping to accompany them with pictures which just seem to take so long to upload lately. Perhaps I'll add the pics later.

In the morning, I first had to fetch my dress from the cleaners as it had only been cleaned the day before. We then headed for where we were having our hair and makeup done. I had decided to go last and so in the interim, I sent Bran, who was having her and makeup done seperately from us, smses of things I'd forgotten that Alan needed to bring. To say I sent her about 20 smses is probably an understatement. We'd forgotten the garter, I'd forgotten to pack clothes and my toothbrush for our stay at the venue and the list just went on and on and on.

That aside, while we waited I wrote my vows, in rhyme of course, stretched, practiced our dance a little by myself and drank coffee and ate Woolies crunchy biscuits and paged through magazines to help the other ladies to find nice hairstyles.

Al, in the interim, was rushing around like a mad person buying a new garter because he couldn't find mine, ensuring that he had everything on the multiple sms list and picking up the cake, which cracked with all the bumps on the roads. Just a slight crack but this worried Alan a lot and amused his family to no end. The cake still looked amazing and apparently it tasted fantastic too. Oh yes, before hiring a private person to bake your cake, some bakeries have amazing cakes and better prices, so compare.

Eventually after my hair and makeup was done, we realised that we were running about half an hour late and so off we raced to the venue, all of us, barring Bran and Nicola who were already at the venue, squashed into my little Chevy Spark. Upon arrival, the car guards refused to let us in the gate and insisted that we park in the long grass and walk from there. If you had never seen a bunch of ladies protest, then this would've been a sight to behold. Eventually they clicked that we weren't just guests and let us in.

We'd decided on "All I ask of you" from The Phantom of the Opera to walk down the aisle to a few minutes before and so Alan smsed the DJ and he started the music...

How to degenerate into a lump of sadness and boredom and crave the company of goats.

Onceuponatime there was a person who used to laugh at everyone's misfortunes because they grew up in a home where being mean to people was regarded as funny. Their parents would shock them with electrical cables as tiny children and laugh at how they cried at the pain. To stop the crying, the parents would then tell the one child "Go and fetch you sister and let's do it to her too!" You can understand that children like these who regarded their parents as incapable of making any mistakes might turn out a little, well, unbalanced.
So one day this person grew up and moved out of home and ended up living with other people and spending all their time in their room making videos of themselves telling people how to do various things in the hopes that it would enrich their lives as well. I watched a few minutes of each clip, including their song about a goat sung in a bad, fake American accent and then just stopped it. Sounds funny, doesn't it? It had potential to be funny, yes but honestly it was just painful. It was like watching someone who is a drug addict teaching people how to stay clean and sober.

I'm not saying that if you laugh at people's misfortunes and are mean that you'll end up lonely and making Youtube videos in your room by yourself singing random rubbish and telling people how to love others because nobody loves you anymore because you were so mean. No, hang on, I am.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Brazillian Blowout

I have long debated and researched the Brazillian Blowout because I have wavy frizz-prone hair.

What it basically is is Keratin protein which seals your hair cuticles, thus reducing the frizz and nourishing your hair to make it super shiny and manageable. It also makes your hair straight, or considerably less wavy. This isn't done by the Keratin but instead by a very small portion (2% or less) of Formaldehyde. Yes, you read right, formaldehyde. Toxic? Well, yes BUT they don't apply it directly to your scalp and there are small quantities of formaldehyde in everyday cleaning products anyway. While the hairdressers will insist that their product is formaldehyde-free, it is not. It contains a derivative of formaldehyde but as it's 2% or less, they can declare it "Formaldehyde-free." Oh, for those who might not know, formaldehyde is what they use to preserve dead people in.

So this was my experience:

I went to the hairdresser, a little nervous about the effects some people have experienced when they heat the product as it emits fumes which are dangerous should there be insufficient ventilation. They were great though and answered all my questions and reassured me. The hairdressers, not the fumes.

First they washed my hair with shampoo that felt like it stripped my hair terribly. I had to sit with that on for 20 minutes. The shampoo removes all the build-up and natural oils from your hair so that the product can penetrate the hair shaft.

Next they applied the product which smelt a little like oranges. They then gave me a dust mask, as I'm asthmatic, and told me to close my eyes while they dried my hair almost completely with a hairdryer.
Once my hair was almost dry, they flat-ironed each section 10 times. There were two working on my head at once so it took about an hour in total to do the whole treatment.

Once they had flat-ironed my hair, it was back to the basin where they washed and conditioned my hair with Sulphate-free shampoo and conditioner. They dried it brushing it occasionally with a normal hairbrush and my hair was dead straight and super shiny and my hair colour was more vibrant!

I then went and bought some sulphate-free shampoo from Dischem, as the hairdresser's is significantly more expensive and does the same thing, and some nice conditioner. The sulphates are just a cheap foaming agent but they strip colour from your hair and dry it out quite badly and can even contribute to hairloss.

I have since tried just leaving my hair to dry with no heat to tame it and it dries with the slightest wave and hardly any frizz. I love it!

Most of these treatments require 4 days of no washing your hair or tying it up or wetting it but not this one, I was able to go home and wash my hair immediately if I so desired. It did start pouring with rain as they were blow-waving my hair at the end so I left with a packet tied around my head much to the amusement of the patrons in the beauty section having their nails done. I suppose saying "Thanks so much! I really love it!" to the hairdresser while you stand there with a packet on your head is rather amusing.

It is a pretty pricey treatment but it lasts for 3-6 months. I admittedly didn't pay full price for mine and there are always specials on these treatments so if you have it done, shop around first.

I would recommend this to anyone who battles with their hair but do your research and know what your lungs or eyes can and can't handle as far as toxic fumes go. Some people get sick but honestly, I felt fine.

Monday, March 5, 2012

It just seems to go on and on...

On Friday, I spent most of my day in fits of giggles that this whole midget saga had continued to the point of making front page news.

This morning I received two emails, one from the journalist who had published the story, for an ad on human growth hormones, and one from Brett, the advertiser on gumtree who originally requested a midget, saying that he was interviewed on the radio this morning.

I went to the radio's website ( and found a podcast and a write-up on the midget story. I didn't get to hear the actual interview with Brett, just the part where the radio had found a midget to go to Brett's work to kick him!

The midget went into his building and into the office he believed to be Brett's and ran in and kicked him in the shins a few times and said "This is from your ex-girlfriend!" only to discover that he had kicked the wrong guy! I was almost crying from laughter listening to this!

Brett's ex had been following this entire saga and loved every moment of it and was missing him, according to him. I asked if he was going to demand that she bake him something from every page in the expensive baking book he'd bought her before he considered taking her back to which he replied that he wouldn't take her back but would like lots of baked goods. Look out for his next gumtree post on looking for baked goods.

Should you be a maker of baked goods, consider the poor heartbroken guy and send him a tray or two. You could just make the papers!

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Midget Story - my 15 minutes

I'll cut a long story short and will simply post the article published in todays Star Newspaper. I never thought it would go this far but anyway, the result is rather amusing:

Wanted: a midget to kick ex-lover
March 2 2012 at 07:40am

Comment on this story


A Joburg man has taken to an online forum to request that a midget kick his ex-girlfriend. And he’s quite upset that he isn’t being taken seriously.

Despite the advert being viewed over 2 500 times on the Gumtree website since Monday (the same day his ex ended the relationship) the man, known only as Brett, says he has received replies from the obese and women armed with heels, but no willing little people.

“I was recently dumped and require the services of a midget to go and kick my ex-girlfriend in the shins whilst she is at work,” reads Brett’s bizarre Gumtree advert.

“All you need to do is go into the shop, kick her once (not too hard) in the shin, and leave. I’ll supply all the details needed if you are hired.”

He adds that a friend requires a midget to do flick-flacks and breathe fire at their wedding.

During a phone interview with The Star on Thursday, Brett seemed appalled at the suggestion that his advert might be a joke.

“I clearly took it out because I want my ex-girlfriend to be kicked in the shins,” he said. “Midget revenge is the only form of revenge that works these days.”

He rejected the assertion that his actions were discriminatory towards little people. “F*** if I care,” he said. “They know they are midgets. I’m not being politically correct about this.”

He took a similar stance on violence. “Violence would be if I asked the midget to kick her hard and then set her on fire.”

Brett, who works for a Sandton marketing company, said on Sunday, the day before he was dumped, had been his ex’s birthday. They had been dating for two months and he had bought her an expensive baking book. But when she dumped him, he couldn’t take it back because he had written her name in it.

This delightful young man, who claims to have the body of Brad Pitt and the personality of “everyone awesome ever”, did receive a response to his advert, which he rejected.

A woman called Audrey replied, thinking the advert was a joke. She said she was relatively short and had spiky heels she could use to hit Brett’s ex.

“Sometimes I’ve bad days and perhaps giving someone a mild kicking would help,” she added. Brett said: “If you’re not a midget, you’re a waste of time and space. Sorry. Declined.”

After a lengthy e-mail interchange between the two in which clowns and making people cry was discussed, Audrey decided Brett was more rude than funny. She posted the following response advert on Gumtree.

“A very angry man recently dumped is suffering from severe anger issues and in need of some serious therapy. He also has midget fetishes and as a result is suffering from poor social skills and needs some help to adjust into normal society.

“Please help this poor man to get over his issues as there aren’t many midgets out there and he’ll end up feeling lost and lonely.”

Brett claims he is a serious man and continues to seek an answer to his advert. - The Star.

I have since received numerous responses to my own gumtree ad and they've been very funny :)

I often think that we get bored because we just sit there and let things happen around us and life is always more interesting if we create memories. I just didn't think that this would be one of those times :D