Monday, December 12, 2011

Last post for the year

I won't be posting anything more until next year as I'll be too busy rushing around planning the last details of the wedding and then enjoying my break with Alan.

It's been such a great year and in the past few weeks, we've had some unexpected additions to our wedding guest list in the form of family I haven't seen in ages and I am so thrilled about it! It really makes our day perfect, even if things go wrong.

Next year is a year of hectic studying for me as I take on some of my second year psych subjects and am contemplating having a second major too. Plus we're planning a big move which is very exciting too.

I also plan to make a "blogging resolution" for next year: To not whinge too much. It annoys me. So here's to happy, interesting and crazy stories next year! Oh, and some wedding pics :)

To everyone out there: Have a safe and happy holiday and a prosperous and exciting new year full of the things that bring you fulfillment, happiness and a lust for life.

Auds
xxx

Thursday, December 1, 2011

What people do for love

It's amazing what people do for love. Whether it's making a total fool of yourself by making yourself look like you've escaped from a mental institution or spending all your life savings or crying your heart out in the middle of the mall, it's an emotion that drives people like no other.

I was thinking of this today because one of my friends is totally besotted with a guy who just doesn't seem to get it. She so desperately just wants to have a conversation with him that she's asking him question after question after question about cars because that is his interest. She doesn't own a car and she's not particularly keen to get one but she's now asking everyone to please tell her their car troubles so that she can ask him all about it so that he'll talk to her. It's hilarious and sweet and pathetic all at the same time :)

A few years ago I knew a couple who broke up and being determined to get her boyfriend back, the lady booked a hotel room, decorated it with rose petals and candles and chocolates and then dressed herself up in nothing but vines. They did get back together for a short while but she complained about being itchy and having a rash for ages afterwards from the vines!

I've done some silly things too from driving to people's houses at midnight in the rain and jumping over the gate in my heels and skirt and getting covered in mud, to swallowing my pride and telling someone how I feel regardless of my chances of being rejected, to promising to commit myself to someone for the rest of my life even though it was never in my plans.

My parents were a great example of love. After so much illness and other struggles, every birthday or Christmas card read "To my darling Elaine/Arthur" and was always signed off with "All my love" and lots of "xxxx" 's. Even their last words to each other were "I love you!" I find this to be very inspiring.

Christmas time, and now with the wedding too, also makes me feel like there's more love around generally and it's awesome and a really good reason to smile.

I am lucky in that my friends are people I can say "I love you!" to and I'm not met with completely blank stares or looks of horror. At least not anymore ;)

I think it's time for a random bout of text messages to people again saying "Somebody loves you!"


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The pallava before work

This morning was very strange. Alan had already gone off to work (he leaves at unearthly hours) and Diana and I were busy getting ready.

I was bathing when I noticed a huge, squishy lump on the base of my one toe. It wasn't like a blister but almost and I was worried that it might be some sort of spider bite and the tiny spider eggs hatching inside and eating me from the inside.

That was it! This needed drastic action. And support. I jumped out of the bath, wrapped my towel around me and headed for the door to find Di to show her my toe.

As I reached for the handle, a giant grasshopper thing was right there. Being super creeped out already by the possible creatures devouring my insides, I screamed and yanked the door open and ran toward Di yelling "There's someone eating my toe!" only to find her coming running to me in tears saying (Names changed for obvious reasons)"Mike blocked my emails on FB! I don't know how he did it but now I can't email him at all!"
She quickly examined my toe and we decided that there was probably nobody actually inside it. Then she helped me to get rid of the grasshopper, I threw some clothes on so that we could go and she could tell me about Mike in the car but I heard her yowling out in pain and rushed to find her with her contact lens dislocated. I found the contact lens in her eye, removed it with her suction and by that time, Mike had unblocked her.

What a morning! We were laughing about it in the car on the way to work. Alan would've seriously laughed at us had he been home.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

A big thank you to the people who go above and beyond

As I mentioned before, weddings bring out the worst in some people but they also bring out the best in some people. We have had a fair amount of stress from this wedding and a handful of people have always been there to go the extra mile to make things work and/or happen or cheer me up or make things fun and I quite honestly don't know what we would've done without them!

My 4 bridesmaids have been my saving grace on many an occasion with everything from designing and making the bulk of the invites to advice on dresses and veils and hair to be willing to come over late at night to help me to pick Alan up to put him in the car and take him to hospital after one of his bachelor parties caused him to have alcohol poisoning (thank goodness the pharmacy meds worked and he almost feels himself again) to being so ready to jump in and bake a cake if need be to fighting with people for me when I just couldn't manage to taking over doing the ceremony when we were let down. I cannot thank you ladies enough for everything you've done! You truly are wonderful friends to me and it makes me feel less stressed and able to take on the world.

My mom has been super. She's been very busy at work with our sewing needs, including Alan's pants that needed altering and she's been so excited and interested and supportive and on my side when people have been difficult and it's just so nice to have her behind me.

Al's mom has also been excited and involved and it's so nice to see that our relationship is supported by both sides of our families.

My friend Nicola who is flying in early to help with anything that needs helping with. She's our usher and our decor adviser and she's just been so interested and involved in trying to make our day really beautiful and go smoothly.

And then my friends who listen when I need to talk and give advice when I need it and stand up for me when it warrants it and guide me when I'm losing my way, I would be lost without them too.

Overall, it's been a pleasant experience despite the nonsense people try and cause and it's because of the support of these people.

Thanks so much all of you!

Monday, November 21, 2011

The little things

Who would've thought that planning a wedding would prove who your friends are and are not, who you can rely on and who not and who is jealous and bitter and who not?

Sometimes I feel like I live in a soap opera and that vanishing somewhere else, alone with Al where nobody else knows us, will be the only way to put an end to the drama. I have taken it a lot better than usual because I am excited for us to get married and start our new life together but it shouldn't be that the excitement helps to dilute the frustration and hurt and anger, they should not be there in the vast quantities that they are already.

Things going wrong like a lack of flowers or my dress being too small or the venue wanting to change the part of the venue we use despite our contract I can handle. I can change the type of flowers, have the dress altered and fight with the venue.
But when people who are or are not involved in our wedding just cause trouble to cause trouble, it is not right. While I can ignore them or ask them not to, I cannot control how they choose to behave and it is frustrating.

What bugs me is that it's so completely unnecessary but for whatever reason, causing as much trouble and stress as possible is paramount on their agenda.
I am being nice and friendly and even apologetic for their behaviour toward me (have you ever!) and other people and yet they persist. I have had enough! If it was their day, I would never try and ruin the experience for them and cause as much trouble as possible but perhaps there is some underlying jealousy and bitterness. I hope it blows over or they immigrate or something really soon!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Super quick fix for a sore ankle?

I am quite desperate. I managed to scrape my ankle down the side of a pavement the other day and it stung like any scrape would and bled a left a bit of a hole but I thought it would just be a little sore and get better.

By yesterday afternoon, I'd started to notice that it was hurting a lot more than on just the skin and by last night, it was swollen and Alan was piggy-backing me up and down the stairs.

This is a big problem. We have to do our first dance in 3 weeks and 6 days and we're in desperate need of practice. Di is going to practice with Al in the meantime (thank goodness for friends who dance!) but I also need to practice and it's just not a good idea to practice on a sore ankle.

So, does anyone have any advice on healing a sore ankle in incredible time? Like so fast that time goes backwards even! ;) I'm really just desperate to get back into things.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Dancing in your sleep

Have you ever had those incredibly lively dreams where you wake up more tired than when you went to sleep? I have no idea what I dreamt last night barring that there was lots of music in the background all through my dream and it was loud and lively.

When I was little, I once woke up with my hands in the air and I distinctly remember that I'd been dreaming about doing ballet.
I also walked to my parents room on multiple occasions and woke up in the morning confused as to how I'd got there so I wouldn't be surprised if I was jumping around the room last night in my sleep.

Nothing, however, tops Alan. One night I woke up as he jumped out of bed and stormed out of the room. He then proceeded to walk into the room next door and dig through all our then unpacked boxes. He dug and dug and dug for ages and I wondered what he was looking for but left him.
Eventually the digging stopped and he didn't come back. I decided to get up and go and see what he was up to.
I found him sleeping on his 3/4 bed under the electric blanker that was just lying loosely on the bed. I leaned over and gently squeezed his arm and said "Al? Why are you here? What's wrong?" and he woke up very confused and didn't know how he got there.
He later told me how he'd once slept walked at his grandparents house and used their dustbin as a toilet to urinate! His grandmother realised what was happening and stood watching him and giggling as he lifted the lid of her dustbin and urinated in it and then courteously put the lid back down.

Hopefully we don't ever decide to sleep walk/dance/wee in the middle of the night when we have guests over for our wedding! ;)

Monday, November 14, 2011

All in a name

I'm not double-barrelling my surname nor am I keeping it. I do like it very much but Alan's surname is nice too so I'm happy to change.

I will admittedly miss some of the strange comments I've had from people when hearing my name and although my mom swears it wasn't intentional, I can't help but wonder if they thought it would be funny to name me after a comic book character that is published by Harvey Comics :)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Punished for your existence

I am most annoyed. A while ago, a friend of mine attended an event where she knew nobody but Alan and her boyfriend. She was looking forward to going because she gets along well with Alan and they were bound to have fun.

During the course of the evening, the organiser and my friend were getting along well until the organiser asked her name and realised that she was a friend of mine and then things changed.
Later on, my friend got up to come and fetch Alan's housekeys in the parking lot from me and during that time, the event organiser jumped up from her seat and squeezed in between my friend's boyfriend and another guest. My friend returned only to find that there was not enough room at the table for her anymore and the organiser just looked at her and said "Sorry, I stole your chair" and left my friend to go and sit at a completely different table behind everyone by herself for half an hour. Talk about being a good hostess!

I have spoken to the organiser and if she reads this, I am making this very clear: I like you, you can be very nice but be mean to my friends one more time for no good reason and I won't be very nice back to you anymore! Just hold your nasty ways in, please when you're around people who don't deserve it or else you can get lost out of all of our lives because I don't want to put up with troublemakers!

Alan amiss

Last night and this morning was most distressing for me because Alan just didn't come home and his phone was off.

When you live in a country where people get hijacked and taken hostage or mugged or get hit by drunk drivers, a million things fly through your mind and panic starts to ensue very quickly.

His work colleagues, bosses, my friends, his friends, my family, his family and just about every other person we could rope in was helping to look for him.

I found him at home. He was fine, just very, very apologetic and tired-looking.

It's all fine now but please peoples out there, let someone know where you are if you go out by yourself in case the people who realise you're missing get half the world phoning hospitals, police stations and checking security footage of public places you like to go to. Not cool. But phew!!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The duck

A while ago I went into a toy shop with Di who is mad about plush toys. I think that they're nice but it's very seldom that I actually see a plush toy that I think "Oh wow! That is so beautiful/cute! I'd really love to have it and shove it at the top of my cupboard so that Fatty doesn't get it" but then I saw this duck. He was a big, fluffy duck with sad eyes and the cutest little fat stomach. He wasn't cheap though and I have more important priorities than buying myself a duck but I'd go back every time we went passed the shop and just go and look at the duck.

Last night, Al came home late from work. It turned out that he wasn't working late at all. When he came home, he handed me a big packet and inside the packet was the duck! Not just the duck but a very happy looking hippo too. So cute! He thought the hippo looked a little like Fatty and so he bought it :)

Fatty was so excited by the arrival of these giant teddies and I had to ensure that she knew that they were mine and not hers this time. I sternly said "Only kisses, Fatty! No biting!" and so she gave the duck a lick and very gently tried to pry it away from me. I had to go upstairs and find her own teddy and then she was happy.

Ways to deal with breakups

I recently found out about a breakup that had happened in July. The situation was very similar to a breakup I had many years ago and this led me to think of the ways I went about dealing with my sadness and anger.

The first thing I did was to change my routine so that I was doing something different and it wasn't the same things I did with that person which would make me dwell on it and make me sad so no, routine had to go.

I started going to watch movies once a week on a Saturday afternoon by myself. I just liked going alone because I could watch what I wanted to (no romance or mushy anything movies) until I felt better and then I could go back to compromising to watch what other people also wanted to watch.

So the one Saturday afternoon, I was having a particularly bad day and was feeling very miserable and grumpy and so my dad asked if I'd mind if he came with me. I was hesitant because what if I wanted to watch heads being chopped off and he didn't but I agreed anyway.

Arriving at the cinema, there were only 3 choices: Heads being chopped off, mushy-mushy stuff or a Football movie. My dad asked what I wanted to watch and so I chose the Football movie thinking "Ok, well, there's no way it can make me feel worse nor can it freak me out."

What we didn't realise was that more than half the movie was in Spanish with tiny English subtitles. I sat watching the movie trying to read the subtitles to understand what was happening but they were too small and soon I gave up and just stared at the screen wondering what in the name of macaroni was going on.

My dad seem completely engrossed. He stared intensely at the screen. At least he was enjoying it.

About 20 minutes in, he leaned over and whispered "Aud, can you see the subtitles?"
and I whispered back, "No. Can you?" "No" he said. Then a 2 minute pause, "Aud, do you know what's going on?" "Not a clue." I responded. "Do you?" I asked. "No." he said and so we watched this movie in complete confusion until the language changed to English and by that time, we were so lost, it was way too late.

It certainly kept my mind off of things and it was very funny sitting there totally clueless together :D

Friday, October 28, 2011

Things

I have thought of many, many things to blog about in the past week but alas, between work and the wedding in 7 weeks, I have been keeping most busy.

This week has been full of deadlines, appointments for wedding stuff or making appointments for other people's wedding stuff, dancing ideas, dancing practice, sleep deprivation and playing with the dogs.

Last night Al and I went outside and were practicing some of our salsa moves, not yet putting them into a definite sequence, when a Parktown prawn... hang on, unless you're from Joburg, you won't know what I'm talking about. Let me show you a pic of one:



So this disgusting creature, who spews out black liquid at you when it feels threatened, can either jump or fly and it did so onto my hip. I flicked it off and it's evil face hurt my fingers! Then we carried on and it hopped onto Alan's calf and he too flicked it off. The dogs then came running and the sausage dog gently picked it up and carried it around in his mouth as if it was his pet. Very strange.

This after a HUGE spider hid under our microwave and it took 3 of us to get it out. Diana trapped it under the bowl, Alan slid the bowl onto a giant book, Diana took it outside and screamed as she was about to release it but didn't, Alan took the bowl and threw it into the neighboring complex. Yes, that was 2 people and I did say it took all 3 of us; I cheered them on. See? 3 of us!

A guy at work left his spilled oats to ferment in the microwave and I didn't notice it until I started heating up my food. The food tasted fine but later on, I had the taste of fermented oats in my mouth and it was causing me to burp fermented oats burps. I was not happy. The man at the chemist told me that it was in my head but I insisted that it was in my stomach. It did go over eventually and I was most relieved not to feel so gross anymore.

I also had a very funny memory of my dad and I watching a movie but it sort of warrants a post on it's own which will have to wait for Tuesday as the deadlines are not over yet.

Have a fantastic weekend! Sleep in for me, will you? I just don't have the time!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Pieface


Today was a frustrating day for Pieface. Oh firstly, Pieface is an affectionate name for her, I'm not saying her face looks like a pie nor should it be covered in pie. O.k, so today was a bad day for Pieface. She swore a lot. I mean, a LOT.

She was trying to dial a number in Kenya to confirm flight times for some freelancers and she kept dialling the wrong number. She'd slam the phone down, swear and then try again. Unfortunately the phone rang while she was trying to do this and so she slammed the phone down, picked it up again and thought she'd hung up on the caller and swore really loudly into the phone. She was met by silence. Luckily it was a co-worker from the Cape Town branch who started laughing at her.

Yesterday I pulled grey hairs out of of Piefaces's head. I think it all gets a bit much for her sometimes. I think she might go postal. She was threatening to shoot her computer earlier today, where she'd get a gun, I do not know. She also suggested we physically pick up our other co-worker and throw him out of the window because he can be so annoying. I'm not entirely anti that but he looks kind of sickly and who knows if it's contagious.

Tomorrow Pieface is going to swear at me because she thinks she only has to wake up at 1pm but alas, she has to wake up to go out at 9am. I will wear a bullet proof vest and a helmet and maybe a parachute too when I tell her.

Have a good weekend.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

"Has anyone ever told you that you're odd?"

I was asked this question the other day and yes, of course I've been told that I'm odd. I wasn't doing anything particularly odd at the time, just having a normal conversation but I suppose on occasion I do respond in an odd way to ensure that I'm understood correctly. There's nothing like email or sms or chat to add confusion to the conversation should you say something sort of different or ambiguous.

Are most of us not odd though in our own way? Those who roll their eyes and stare blankly or scorn when somebody does or says something vaguely different to what they deem as normal are more odd to me than the people they tend to find odd.

I'm finding that more and more people I know are becoming odd. Or should I say "odd." Odd seems to be the new normal and so it should be. I don't mean wildly odd like drooling all over your co-workers and eating all your stationery, although if you're really hungry, you could be excused. I just mean not being afraid to be who you are and express your ideas even if they're met with rolled eyes by some ignorant chop.

I'll never forget the day that my friend Melissa (the Mel post being about her) and Al and I were standing outside her house when somebody walked past her house and her dogs ran up to the gate and barked at him and ran up and down jumping up against the wall and pushing themselves off of it. I decided that it looked like immense fun and so I decided to join them. I even barked at the passer-by just to experience the full effect. Poor Alan looked horrified and so embarrassed while Mel was in hysterics. Now it is far more likely that Alan would be the one jumping and barking at people. Oddness rubs off and it's a good thing.

Why not let your oddness out of the bag today and rub it off on someone else? Your life will be much more fulfilling! :)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Half a litre of pudding


I'm gonna eat it and finish it. Why? Because I want it and feel like it and it's here and then maybe I won't feel like it anymore and it will stop torturing me.

I am also very tired after a double salsa class last night which had my heart pounding so hard that I had to sit down because of my flu. I am hoping that the pudding will put some bounce into me.

Pudding is good for you. Don't find reasons to argue, just accept it and eat it, it will make you happy and that's exactly why pudding is good for you! Afraid it'll go to your bum? It won't. Pudding will make you look gorgeous! Why? Because it makes you happy and happy people are gorgeous and therefore pudding is good for you.

Long live pudding.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Jumping on the consumerism bandwagon. Sort of.

Yesterday I started a blog about my experiences thus far planning my wedding. Why? Because there are millions of women out there who will google something to do with planning their wedding and if you read everything there is out there, you too might start to find it overwhelming and even depressing at what is suggested to make a wedding day supposedly perfect.

I do not generally support consumerism. I'll say if I believe something is great and that I think people should know about it and I suppose yesterday I felt a little like a hypocrite with my new blog. I mean, I tried to keep it as close to personal experience and not just churn out whatever rubbish some wedding site told me to but it's hard not getting sucked into it sometimes. Real is always better than fake, experience better than theory and throwing some humour into something that has driven many women to turn into crazy tyrants is essential.

So, here is an open invite: If you're planning or have planned your own wedding and feel that you have some invaluable advice that you can share, mail me and I'll put it in the blog with your name on it. In the end, it's not about outdoing anyone else or keeping your wedding secrets to yourself, it's about helping your fellow human being who might be on a tight budget or be completely in the dark or not have helpful family or friends. I am so greatful for all the helpful advice and insight that I received from others who were willing to share tips with me that the least I can do is to pass it on to others.
Just if you're going to regurgitate something from some wedding website, don't bother, please.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The same thing for ages

I'm a follower of this one blog, not any of the ladies, and man alive, I want to pull my hair out. It's a really funny blog and I really enjoy reading it but it's hardly ever updated. I've read about dogs and horses and complications and country songs about cats for ages now.

I used to be friends with this guy. In fact, he was a very good friend for ages but we lost touch and he became angry about stuff and now I follow his blog to sort of keep up to speed with how he is but it doesn't help when the posts are few and far between.

C'mon you person who blogs! Write summing else. I can't be the only person who goes to your blog to read your hilarious posts! Give us something new!

Mel

Hello Mel!! This is a post all about Mel. Mel is a person very Mel-like. Not typical of others who go by that name but of the true way Mels should be.

Mel wakes up every morning and teaches her ducks and chickens a new aerobics routine so that they never get fat enough for anyone to want to eat for Christmas dinner.

Mel has long, browney-blondey-red-ey hair which she uses to keep people in line. It's very long and very thick and makes for quite a potent keeping-in-line tool.

One day Mel was driving home and thought that she saw her friend being beaten up on the pavement. So she jumped out of her car and ran towards the perpetrators with the pitchfork she kept on her front seat, and then she saw that it wasn't her friend at all but complete strangers and so she looked at them and said "Carry on." She used the pitchfork because she'd just been to the hairdresser.

K, bye Mel.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Adventures on a pink bicycle

I used to have a pink Mountain Bike when I was 18. I loved my pink Mountain Bike. I would ride it to College and I would ride it home and I would ride it to the mall and it was my form of transport.

One place I rode it to was the dentist. Now being the person i am, I had to take someone along obviously for moral support. The most obvious person for this job, at that time, was my cousin, Melanie. The problem was, we only had one bicycle. This didn't stop us though and so Melanie would hop onto my handle bars (an idea we got from our parents from their days of sharing a bicycle between 5 of them) and off we'd go to wherever we had to go.

One day whilst on a downhill on the pavement, Melanie on the handlebars, me pedaling and steering, Melanie decided that it was just too bumpy and was hurting her bum. Without any warning, she jumped off and unable to get her balance she fell and rolled on the ground. It was so unexpected and I was going so fast that I didn't have time to stop and so I did the only thing I could...I rode over her. She was in such fits of giggles that all she managed was "hee hee hee hee OW! hee hee OW! Hee hee hee hee!"
I stopped the bicycle after riding over her legs slowed me down and we glanced around to make sure that nobody from our College class was around to see. There was nobody. Phew!
The next day, we walked past another class on our way to our own and a guy announced very loudly "I saw those two yesterday on a pink bike. That one was on the handlebars and this one was pedalling. Suddenly that one jumped off and this one just rode over her!" So much for that.

In my defence, it was an accident and I did only ride over her legs and she was fine. It was so funny though! I can't even remember if we made it to the dentist!

Blindly listening

A while ago I heard some vicious rumours about a friend of mine. Now I know this person and I know what sorts of things they do and do not do and so I dispelled it as people causing trouble and as nonsense. If I needed to consider it, I would've approached my friend first to see if it was true first before jumping to conclusions.

What worried me though was how many people didn't bother to think about the accusations or ask her about what was said, they all just blindly jumped to the wrong conclusions because it was what everybody else was doing. Well, everybody else was wrong. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right but these things continue to happen.

If you're one of those people who starts the vicious rumours, what are you gaining by causing trouble? Does it make you look better? Not really, no, if anything it probably makes you look worse. Does it have any benefit for anyone? Probably not.

And if you're one of those who listen to the vicious rumours and then believe them blindly without thinking or questioning the validity of what's been said, put yourself in the shoes of the person you're believing bad things of and imagine how you'd feel if nobody bothered to ask you if it was true. It's not always easy to go against the grain and it isn't always the answer but when it is, I hope that people will use their heads and stand up and not be afraid to go against the grain if it is the right thing to do.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Jelly Beans

I am one of those people who cannot bear the taste of fake cherries or raspberries or almonds and when I stumble across one of these flavours, I cringe and generally spit it out because I cannot handle the awful-ness that is these flavours.

So I bought a bag of Jelly Beans this morning and I know that there's one of them that I hate but I can't remember which one and so I am going through them very carefully to establish which ones are awful so that I can get rid of them and eat the rest of them knowing that I will not have to be subjected to a foul surprise.

Now I feel obligated to write more even though I have no more to say. I am tired. I am hoping that the Jelly Beans fill me with sugar and have me bouncing off the walls because I don't feel very bouncey today. In fact, I feel a little deflated from a nasty bout of flu that I'm mainly over, barring the coughing and the general tiredness that lingers after the aches and pains have gone.

So, ja, there, that's all. Have a nice day.

Friday, September 30, 2011

New iPhone Watch Me Change Face Application - Awesome!

I don’t usually blow a trumpet about something unless I find that that something is worth blowing a trumpet about but I definitely find this worth making a fuss of.

I was approached a while ago and asked to write a review on the iPhone Watch Me Change Face Application. After giving it a try and having some friends try it too, I have to say, I am most impressed.

Let me give you the “sales pitch” to explain what it does firstly (ahem):

Picture the scenario: You’ve just found out that you’re pregnant! So much to look forward to and teach and show your little one. Wouldn’t it be awesome if one day you could show your child a time lapse video of how they grew in their mummy’s tummy? Well, now you can with iPhone’s Watch Me Change Face Application! It’s a quick and user-friendly application that works by reminding you to take a photo of yourself every day and then puts your photos together to create a time lapse video allowing you to see the growth of your child from beginning to end.

After your child is born, there’s no need to stop there though. You can continue taking photos of your child and create a time lapse video of them growing up.

After your pregnancy, you’ll be wanting to work off that extra weight so why not use the iPhone Watch Me Change Face App to capture the pounds/kilos vanishing off of you? Nothing to keep you motivated like actually seeing the difference over time!
Personally, I’m not pregnant, nor do I have children but that didn’t stop me from watching my eyebrows grow back after my last eyebrow wax! O.k, it hasn’t been long enough yet to see any significant difference but I most certainly can see that they’ve grown. I’ll post the video as soon as they’ve grown enough for you to see me go from “Shaped” to “Werewolf.”

If you don’t wax your eyebrows or you’ve just reached shaving age, the iPhone Watch Me Change Face app is ideal for watching your beard grow or watching your hair colour grow out if you’re prone to dying your hair a fair bit.

What makes this application different from other time lapse application is that it has a unique overlay feature which allows you to match up your pictures from today perfectly with your pictures from yesterday allowing for a smooth time lapse video and not leaving you looking like you’re in some horror stop-motion movie.

So now you’ve got all these awesome videos of your pregnancy or child growing up or your eyebrows growing into bushes and now you want to share it, right? The iPhone Watch Me Change Face App is a convenient way to also share these very special and unique time lapse videos with friends and family through Facebook, Youtube or via email thanks to the integrated social networking.

Overall, this application is a must-have for those who want to capture memories and bring them to life.
Bonus: It’s not expensive at all! Total awesomeness!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Hats off to Tam and Hendri

Tam and Hendri were asked to do a slow foxtrot at this years End of year Function for the Maties (Stellenbosch University) Dance Society and no, it's not a rhythm foxtrot done slowly.

I have learnt the basics of Slow Foxtrot and I will admit that although I have danced it a few times, I haven't got a clue what I'm doing. If the person I'm dancing it with doesn't know what they're doing, it's a disaster. If they do, however, I can fake it to a degree.

If you have no idea what a slow fox looks like, have a look at the video. The only difference I can pick up between what they're doing and what we did is the turns, them being on their toes and us being on our heels. But then again, as I said, I'm not actually sure what I'm doing in this dance ;)

Posting the link for now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94JbmwxOy_0

Hilarious death metal

This past weekend was my friend's 30th birthday. Her name is Melissa.

Mel wanted to do something fun for her birthday and suggested we go out somewhere where we can dance. Mel isn't into the music they often play at clubs though, she's more into the alternative scene and older music and so she found a club in Centurion that promised to play alternative music.

Upon arriving there, I was most shocked to see that this alternative club was situated exactly where I once was offered a job at a dancing studio but couldn't accept the job as my car had just broken, I didn't have my new car yet and I just couldn't get there. Just as well, I guess they didn't last long.

When we walked into the club, we realised that it was far from alternative, they were playing what is termed as "death metal." It was hilarious! It was some guy standing with a microphone and long hair that needed a serious bout of conditioner and his band each playing different songs by the sound of it, and he put on a deep voice and screamed "Yo yo yo yo yooooooooooo!!" into the microphone and swung his hair wildly. It was most entertaining. You couldn't dance to it barring when the drummer coincidentally played a bit of a cha-cha tempo and then later a swing tempo but it wasn't long and he changed back to taking out his frustrations on the poor drums at un-rythmic intervals.

The entire band needed conditioner actually and they swung their hair around wildly and they probably sounded so bad because they couldn't see their instruments through all the hair. I suggested to Mel that we run up to them and ask if we could give it a try but she wasn't game for that and so I gave the "Yo yo yo-ing" a try in the car on the way home and hey, it's not that hard actually! It just hurts your throat!

So, need some direction? No skills? Start a Death Metal band! It's a form of comedy for sure!

Teddies - Our great protectors




A friend sent the above pic to me a while ago when I told her that I'd changed life insurance policies and they were sending a nurse over to draw some blood for their standard testing procedure.

When I was 4 or 5 years old, I had Encephalitis (similar to Meningitis) and was hospitalised. During my stay they had to do a lumber puncture. This is when they insert a needle into your lower spine and extract some of the cerebrospinal fluid to test for various things or to lower the pressure on your brain (hence the terrible headaches with Meningitis or Encephalitis). So ja, pretty scary.
Generally you lie in a foetal position and while it's sore, it's not so sore you want to die. Being little, however, I was scared and when I saw the needle, I totally freaked out. The dr's then kicked my parents out of the room and held me down while I screamed. It was SORE!

Although it's so different to a blood test or an injection, I'm still really scared of needles. I emailed a few of my friends to tell them how nervous I was and mentioned that I may bring my teddy in to work just for the blood test. I'm sure the nurse will think me insane but I don't care! Teddy is coming with me to work tomorrow!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Family resemblance

A photographer came here last week and took photos of all of us here at work. I am not photogenic, the photos of me publicly on display are usually the ones I don't look bad in but the majority of photos taken of me are not shown to people.

Years ago, people used to look at me with my blonde hair and immediately know that I was my mom's daughter. If my cousin Melanie was with us, they'd think she was my sister and Leslie, my sister, our cousin.

Years later I don't look as much like them as I used to but when I saw some of these photos, I was shocked. I looked just like my mom when she was younger and in one shot, I look just like Melanie with dark hair!

One day Melanie found a picture of her mom and my mom when they were teenagers and we stared at it in confusion wondering when the photo of us was taken, the resemblance was so strong.

I suppose hairdye only does so much.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Clarens - The jewel of the eastern Free State - pictures!! Oooh!!

After a conversation with a friend yesterday telling her how awesome Clarens in the Eastern Free State is, I decided to share my immense love of this place with everyone else as well as continue to tempt her to take a trip there to have some R&R.

If you're in Johannesburg, Clarens is a short 3 and a half hour pleasant drive away.

You'll know you're there when you see the rock formation below. This is called Titanic Rock. Doesn't it look just like the Titanic? So cool!!



The moment you get into the town of Clarens itself, you will notice how quaint and small it is. Unlike any place I've ever been to in South Africa (and I've been to quite a few places in SA), the effect of this totally different and sweet, little world is both calming and energising. It's like you've had a month's holiday after a weekend there.
The idea though is to appreciate Clarens for being so different in that you should find your accommodation, park your car and walk wherever you want to go and not use the car at all, even if it's raining.



What is there to do in this little town? Well, there are various things. The main attractions I suppose would be the amazing scenery, the art galleries and the food.

Being near the Lesotho border, the Maluti mountains are like...right there! If you're into taking hikes and walks or riding horses or taking pics of scenery...hang on, we've been called for pizza...and I'm back so anyway, if you're into the whole nature thing, this place is phenomenally beautiful!







Other than that, there are art galleries galore and restaurants that will have you dreaming of their food for years to come.

My personal recommendation is to go and have supper or lunch at Street Caffe (their burgers and fettucini alfredo are like no other that I've ever experienced) and then head to Clementines for dessert which should unmistakeably be their Lemon Meringue Ice-cream cake. It's R35 a slice (or was in December 2009) but is so worth it! Clementines also have a very good Ostrich Medallion dish! Yum! Yum!





The art galleries are not dreary and dull and you don't need to be one of those arty people to appreciate them. There's also a wine gallery if that appeals.


There are sports pubs and ice-cream shops that have decadent and interesting flavours and a few pancake shops too. Absolutely no chain stores when I was last there and I hope it stays that way.

If you're more into holidays with some sort of educational value, you can go and visit the Lesotho Highlands Water Project. It's very interesting and those pipes are so huge that it would take three of me (at 1.69 metres tall) on top of each other to touch the top of the pipe.



Clarens is the ideal place to get married if you're having under 50 guests and want somewhere beautiful and unique to have your special day.

One of the nicest wedding venues in Clarens is the Castle. It accommodates 20 guests for an intimate wedding and the decor is very 18th century and well, castle-ey.


If we didn't have so many people invited to our wedding, I'd have chosen to get married in Clarens in the one church in Main Road with food from Street Caffe and dessert from Clementines and then have the reception in the Castle.



Sigh! Clarens is my favourite place in the entire world thus far. I love everything about it. It's such an escape, the air is so clean and the water so sweet and the place filled with beauty and happiness and the chamomile tea better than any other in the country. If only there was a thriving job market there...

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Man abuse and people in search of answers

I look at my stats now and then and I often see a pattern. The posts entitled "a hint of Madness" or "It's ok to talk to yourself..." and "Are the voices in my head bothering you" seem to be quite popular a lot of the time. This made me wonder if someone or lots of someones are either concerned about their own mental well-being and are looking for answers or if someone or lots of someones are concerned about my mental wellness and are looking for confessions.
If you're looking for answers, this is not the place to look. I am a first year psych student who reads a lot about people and how we think and what causes mental illness, etc but I am by no means any expert nor am I equipped to provide any sort of guidance yet. But be careful about what else you read out there, a lot of it is written by people who think they have all the answers. Always rely on an expert in the field for accurate information.

If your concern is for my mental health, I can assure you that I am quite normal :)

The man abuse is also not on a serious note so if you're a man being abused, get help, this is just nonsense and won't help you at all.

Last night I went to Al and said "I want to try this salsa turn I saw on Youtube with you slowly just to see if it would work without you breaking my arm accidentally". Now firstly, Alan is a lot taller than me and very strong and he often breaks things by accident because he just grabs the item or bends it too much or whatever and so this turn required that he put my right arm behind my back whilst facing me and then lean it and grab my right hand with his left hand and gently pull which would, in essence, unwind me.

So we tried very slowly and it was great. So he wanted to try a lot faster. So we did and as he started pulling I felt my shoulder strain and my elbow click and it started to hurt. I tried to frantically untwist myself before I was hurt and in the process, I elbowed his right eyeball! Needless to say, the veins were all inflamed and bleeding a little and it looked a little like what Arnold Schwarzenegger looked like in Terminator 1 when he took his eye out. O.k, not that bad but it was red. I felt so guilty! He was hoping the socket bone would bruise so that he could go to work and tell everyone that I beat him but much to his disappointment, it didn't.

So now his eye isn't so red and looks quite normal but it's still sore for him and his plea for sympathy from the ladies at his office will be met with doubtful looks :) Poor Al! All that pain and nobody to feel sorry for him. Except me. But that doesn't count because I was the instigator of the pain that should warrant sympathy. Poor Bunny :)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A hint of madness

This wedding thing is getting to me a little now. There are little things that are either just not happening or not happening at the right time and it's frustrating and stressing me out a lot.

It's so silly, all this nonsense for one day. All the stress and organisation for one day that will fly by so fast. How closely do people really look at the bridesmaids dresses or the way you tied the bows around the chairs or the hems of the overlays? I've never closely examined anything at a wedding, ok, maybe because I'd have to be standing like right on top of whatever it was and that just wasn't possible or normal at the time, but honestly, are things really that scrutinised?

All these websites and magazines telling you how to create the perfect day stress you out.

Yesterday, I attempted to write a thank you poem to our parents and I really struggled. I don't usually struggle to write things, it just comes out but yesterday, I couldn't find what I wanted to say in the way I wanted to say it. I managed 4 lines which I'm happy with thus far and then I scrapped the rest because of the word "Gun" being in it. Nowhere in your wedding should you thank your parents for not shooting you even if you sometimes gave them adequate reason, ok, more Al than me ;) and that's when it hit me that I need to stop now and get back into my body and let the wedding alien go free :)

I feel like I need a weekend off of wedding stuff completely. A weekend to just spend with Alan and maybe go and have a picnic or take a walk or something un-wedding related.

All I want is for the people I care about most to be there and for everyone to wear clothes and for the people invited to know that they're invited, it shouldn't be this much stress.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Spring - My favourite Spring poem


The Budding Bronx - Anonymous

Der spring is sprung
Der grass is riz
I wonder where dem boidies is?

Der little boids is on der wing,
Ain't dat absoid?
Der little wings is on de boid!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

My dogs are so cute!

Yesterday afternoon, whilst lying in bed feeling ill, I started eating a punnet of cherry tomatoes. My dog, Fatty, who is completely food obsessed, decided that she'd like to try one. So I gave her one. She threw it up in the air and chased after it and threw it again and chased after it until eventually, in her eagerness to catch her tomato, she bit into it and decided that it tasted really good. So she came back for another and another and another. It was so cute!

My other dog, Gubs, had no interest in tomatoes but instead wanted the baby carrots I was also eating. Fats didn't like the carrots.

It was so nice to be home with them yesterday. I was sick and stayed in bed all day barring getting up to get some juice or water and the doggies slept all day with me, barring when we ate the tomatoes and carrots.

That's all. It's just a post about how cute my dogs are :)

Friday, August 26, 2011

What should I do with my hair, dol?

No, it's not like a vain post where I want to know how I should style my hair for my shopping for Alan's wedding shoes tomorrow thing, it's what happened this morning.

I am anal about my hair. Yes, you may look at it and think "You are?!" and well, o.k, I was. I'm not so much anymore because I just couldn't be as bothered because you know what, it's hair, it's on my head and it's a nice colour and it doesn't resemble clown hair too much and I can sort of kind of control the frizz and so it's fine. Whatever. But I used to be anal about my hair.
I would pull my hair elastic out of my near-perfect plait that my sister had just spent 20 minutes doing because there were "bumps" and it had to be bump-free. Eventually, she taught me how to do the various plaits myself and told me to do it myself. I did. It was fine. Bump-free!
But anyway, that is not the story. In fact, it's not even part of the story. In fact, I don't even know why I told you that. I now look like a prissy cow who demanded bump-free perfection every day and subjected her poor sister to her rantings. Ja, ok, it was like that but then I once ended up with pink hair, way too short hair, hair falling out and you kind of just get over your hair in time, I suppose. But ANYWAY, on with my story:

So last night I washed my hair and could not find my hairdryer anywhere! I don't sleep with wet hair generally as I get cold and don't sleep well but I decided to crank the heater up and just do it because I was too tired to look for my hairdryer after investigating Alan's wrinkles on his face for half an hour. It's most fascinating to look at someone's wrinkles really close-up. I'm straying again. Ahem.

So this morning I woke up and my usually wavy hair was a mass of mad spiralling curls that were all standing straight up in the air! Now my hair is half way down my back in length so it was hectic! I looked like Medusa! No, no, this could not happen and tying my hair up was out as I had a whopping sinus headache to boot. So I reached for my straightener whilst still in bed and when it had heated up to my desired temperature, I started the fixing process.

Now when you don't see very well, your other senses develope to compensate. My sense of touch is very good and I often rely on it a lot at night when trying to unlock doors, etc. So, I decided that I couldn't see the detail from so far away and so i would rely on my sense of touch as I usually do when straightening my hair because you can feel the waves, or mad curls in this instance.

Unfortunately, my sense of touch failed me. In patches. I ended up with one side of my head having wavy hair at the top and straight at the bottom and the other side having a patch of mad curls and straight around them and well, it just looked like I just couldn't decide what I wanted to do with my hair today so I did a bit of everything.

I have since taken headache tablets and tied my hair up. I may not be anal anymore about my hair but I'm not attention-seeking either!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Our first salsa class

Last night Al and I finally made it to our first salsa class. I'd booked and paid for us to go to the full beginners course ages ago but something kept coming up and so we only managed to get to our very first class last night.

Al is not the sort of guy who jumps at the chance to dance, he's far more likely to stand on the sidelines and watch but last night, he had to jump in with both feet.

I was so impressed with him. Despite the bouts of swearing when he didn't get a step right and the warnings to everyone he danced with that he took no responsibility for injuries or loss of toes, it went very well and he even had fun!

It was so nice to have my dancing shoes back on and although the beginners class in very well, beginner, it is still fun to do something with Al and get back into things, albeit slowly.

I absolutely cannot wait for next week's class! :)

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Change

Last night Di and I were joking about not stopping dead at the stop street. I did this the other day and was spotted doing so and got my first traffic fine in 4 years. I was most grumpy about it but it was my own doing so I couldn't complain really.

So we were joking that I could just tell the traffic officer that I didn't believe in stopping dead because nothing ever truly stops and stays stagnant, it's constantly moving. We went on and on for about 20 minutes with an elaboration on our insane theory that could get someone out of a traffic fine for not stopping and we were giggling away (we're so good at talking rubbish) and then today I thought of it again but differently. Not about trying to convince traffic officers of why they should not fine me but rather about things moving all the time.

My psych book said that there are theories of what shapes us as people, our genes or our experiences. Are we born with certain traits and we react a certain way to experiences or do we experience things and these experiences help to form part of who we are? I'd like to think a bit of both.

I am one of those people who can embrace change as long as it is good change. I don't like it when people change though, which I suppose is silly because they too cannot stay stagnant. Should I say, I don't like it when people let experience change them for the worse. Those that are strong in character seldom seem to fall prey to this but those who sort of flutter along and go with whoever says whatever generally do and it's very sad. I call them "wishy-washy people" because there's no stability, no true sense of self. It bugs me. I want to take them by the shoulders and shake them and say "Wake up! Who are you? Just decide already!" but they would probably think me most strange.

It was just irritating me lately as I've recently had an experience with a wishy-washy person who has surrounded themselves with nasty people of negative influence and they have thus absorbed this attitude as their own. Pity. They could have swayed the other way just as easily. Moving on...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The man with the very weird plan

I have to relay this as it happened as I just happened to answer the phone:

Me: ....good morning
Man: Hi. So, basically in a nutshell, I'm going to an event and I'm going to run across a field and I want to make some money from it so I need to know what to say.
Me; Excuse me?
Man: You know how those people run across the field in the nude and they make a statement, well I want to make a statement and then say something which will then be the complete opposite of what my previous statement was and I want to then get copyright lawyers and coin that phrase to make money.
Me: Oh, Um, yes, Ok, I understand. But what if you get arrested?
Man: I probably will but then people will come to me and I'll make money. I'll also go to gym first and everything and get all buff.
Me: You'll have to run very fast.
Man: Oh, they won't catch me.
Me: O.k, so when are you doing this?
Man: Soon, I can't tell you but you know, at a soccer match
Me: A local soccer match?
Man: I can't tell you
Me: O.k, so you want people to watch you?
Man: Yes. But it must happen naturally, it mustn't be forced.
Me; O.k, so how can we help you? What do you want from us?
Man: I want to know what to say. I want training to look good on camera.
Me: Why don't you go to a casting agency?
Man: No, I want you guys to tell me what to say!
Me: Are you sure you want to do this? Don't you think it would be better to make a statement in another way?
Man: Yes! I want to do it! It'll make me money! I might even give the proceeds to charity.
Me: O.k, well that's nice of you but tell me more about why you're doing this?
Man: No, you want to steal my idea!
Me: Um, no, sir, I have no intention of taking my clothes off. O.k, let me put you through to someone who can help you

Liam: hello?
Me; Liam, there's a streaker on the phone who wants to know what to say
Liam: What?
Me: Just listen to the dude and maybe you can help him
Liam: Ok
He gave him a casting agencies number and told him to phone them.

I emailed my boss the story and she replied saying "Don't get any ideas Audrey - to steal his idea I mean. Best to keep your clothes on - especially as I hear it's v cold!"

Monday, August 15, 2011

Off to Cape Town we went!

And now we're back again. I am having withdrawals today. It gets harder and harder to leave there every time I go. Not long and I won't have to sigh and wish for a little longer.

We almost didn't get there though as we seemed to have a few problems getting onto the plane to begin with.

We arrived at the airport 3 and a half hours early and checked in to get our bags out of the way. Being in an excitable and silly mood, I asked the lady when she was weighing Di and my bags together "Are we overweight?" and she said "No, you're fine!" to which I replied "And our bags?"
I then understood how Alan feels when people just look at him with that "You think you're so funny, don't you?!" look. I suspect she was having a bad day and this is where the trouble started.

When we finally needed to board, we went through security and Di was stopped for having some metal object in her bag. It turned out to be a layer of loose change but they had to check for ages to make sure she wasn't hiding any bombs or guns in her giant bag. This once again reinforces my personal handbag rule: Do not buy a handbag that is bigger than your head. But that's just me.

When we got through to the boarding gate, they stopped me because there was a problem with my ticket and I seemed to be sitting on somebody's lap. Luckily that somebody was moved as I'm really not partial to sitting on stranger's laps in a cramped aircraft for 2 hours, and I was let through and we got onto the plane and made it to Cape Town. Yay!!

Both Di and I see so badly and it's so much worse without our contact lenses but we both took ours out anyway and thought we'd just listen out for our friend, Nicola, who has a very distinct voice. Luckily Nix came charging at us the moment she saw us and we breathed a sigh of relief at not having to walk around squinting at everyone.

We had a fabulous time with our friends in Stellenbosch and then later that night at a club in Claremont for my bachelorette where I was dressed in a tiny white outfit with wings, a halo and a sash saying "Bride to be" and the THIGH HIGH WHITE STOCKINGS which Di found in Stellenbosch. Most of the ladies wore tiny, black or red dresses with devil horns and high heels. We certainly all stood out and we had a lot of fun and were all very sleepy the next day.

I absolutely cannot wait to go to Cape Town again. I notice how clean the air is, how my sinuses clear, how the traffic is a pleasure compared to Joburg and I love that feeling of feeling like I'm home when I'm there. Sigh!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Cape Town, here we come!

Yay!!! Di and I are heading off to Cape Town this evening to spend the weekend with her family and our friends. I absolutely cannot wait!

I have packed everything from my textbooks for Tam to my Spongebob T-Shirt to 32 gourmet cupcakes (yum yum!) and every single jersey I own. La la la la la la la.

We're leaving work in an hour. Well, actually in 56 minutes :) 55 minutes...

Last night, Fatty's plight continued with her uncovering me while I slept using the blanket to make a bed for her "puppies." I eventually just pulled her to the top of the bed, adjusted the blanket and rubbed her tummy until she fell asleep, head on my arm. It was so sweet and heavy :) I am going to miss her so much this weekend with her little squishy face and purple tongue and thinking she's a kitty.

The dance shop didn't order the "dodgy" stockings in time but phoned me now, when I didn't bring my car in, to tell me that they have arrived. The lady will hide them in the drawer for me until next week :D

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Phantom Puppies

My dog, Fats, is going through her second phantom pregnancy. It is awful and really hard on her. We thought we'd just let her have a litter of puppies this time around to let her experience having the pups and then sterilise her but alas, the sausage dog just couldn't, well, um, figure it out. He just didn't know what to do. He had a rough idea but well, it just never happened and I don't intervene in, um, intimate relations between any species at all and so fat Fats failed to fall pregnant.

Unfortunately, she has started lactating and spends hours every night trying to make a bed for her imaginary puppies on Al and my bed, always involving the pillow my head is on. As a result, we are both exhausted every day and I never get the full use of my pillow.

The last time we bought her a teddy in the hopes that she would treat it like a puppy but alas, she's had a teddy since she was tiny and she knows that they're just there to play with and so she slowly pulled poor teddy to pieces.

We give her lots and lots of attention usually but even more so when she's going through this. I let her sit on my lap while I watch TV and rub her tummy and talk to her in a soft tone and I play catch with her every weekend and run around the garden with her and spend ages just rubbing her tummy and feeding her biscuits or other doggy treats to distract her, but this time she seems quite adamant that she's having puppies.

So I was wondering if we should get her to foster some puppies who don't have a mom for whatever reason or if, when they had to be given back or re homed, she would pine even more.

Does anyone have an answer to this? She is such a sweet and loving doggy and seeing her so sad and depressed is really upsetting because I can't say to her "It's just your hormones, Fatness, you'll be ok" and so the poor doggy is left thinking she's having pups and then later that she's had them and that they're missing. It's awful.

Monday, August 8, 2011

"Do we sell stockings?! No, we're a respectable shop!"

This past weekend, Di and I ran around everywhere looking for stockings. You would think that they'd be the easiest things in the world to find but nobody had any! O.k, I'm not being completely honest, we weren't just looking for stockings, we were looking for thigh high white stockings that weren't fishnets and didn't have a little red cross at the top like those dodgy nurses outfits. You know, just plain white thigh high stockings. They are not easy to come by, let me tell you!

We started off running around into Woolies and Edgars and then into some underwear shops where we soon discovered that asking for thigh high stockings was like asking where we could register to be prostitutes; We got all sorts of filthy looks and found our search for these stockings leading us to more and more dodgy shops.

Have people not heard of dress-up? I don't mean a weird sort of dress-up, I mean like innocent dress-up. Like your outfit would look so cute complete with the thigh high white stockings for a particular occasion, not just general walking around the house or the mall.

I finally phoned a dance wear shop, as per Tam's suggestion, and they will have them in for me this week, before we head off for Cape Town.
The lady at the shop did pause for a full 20 seconds though when I asked "Hi, do you sell thigh high white stockings that aren't fishnets?" Maybe I'll wear a disguise when I buy them seeing as it's such a "filthy thing" to buy. Um, lady , you're selling them to begin with :D

Thursday, August 4, 2011

The joys of drill-free dentistry

I went to the dentist today. It was the most pleasant visit I have ever had to the dentist! In fact, it was so great, I have absolutely no pain and no numbness at all!

I went to one of those dentists who advertise themselves as being "painless" because they don't use a drill or injections. It was fantastic! Why was it so fantastic? Because she sent me straight home and didn't do a thing besides violently yank my mouth open. She sent me home because I have a cold and a sinus drip and she was worried that the bacteria would be trapped in the cavity she needed to fill...using a drill! Yep. Are you totally confused? I was too. I mean, I read the website more than once, three or four times even all about how they have this amazing new technique which makes using drills and injections unnecessary for fillings! Wow! I'm not sure who it's unnecessary for or what those dentists deem to be fillings but when I got there, she was all about the blasted drill and injections.

Luckily, she didn't want to risk doing the filling with the cold germs lurking because she was really rough just having a look in my mouth and seemed to think that I wasn't opening my mouth when it really was as wide as it could go. I was worried that she was going to dislocate my jaw!

I then came back to work and spent 5 minutes looking online to see if there truly was a drill-free dentist out there, anywhere in Gauteng, let alone Johannesburg. I found a few! They used some sort of water abrasion system! Bingo. I phoned but this time, I asked if they even kept drills at their practice and how frequently they used them for fillings and they answered "We always use them for fillings. You can't escape the drill." But that, my dear readers, is not true according to many, many dentist's websites abroad. It just seems to be true for us here in South Africa.

This disappoints me very, very deeply and terrifies me even more deeply. I hate that blasted little drill and most dentists just can't administer the anaesthetic at the right pace to make the injections painless. So, I can either just cut back on the sweeties and brush, floss and use mouthwash 3 times a day, take copious amounts of calcium and wait until the technology arrives here or can wait for my cold to clear up, get Al to take some time off work and find a dentist that deals with little, terrified children and go to him with Alan holding my hand!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Various interpretations for "I see things that other people don't"

One of my friends told me that a guy had told her that he sees things that other people don't. I asked her what he meant and she said that she didn't know. We then started to delve, like most women do, into reasonable explanations for this. These were some of the most likely explanations for what he could possibly mean:

1. He sees creatures or dead people or invisible rainbows or beings from a distant land.

Perhaps he's trying to reach out for help. Or perhaps he just feels that he can trust her immensely and is confiding in her. At least he realises that something needs to be said if nobody else can see these things.
He's rather touchy so if we're wrong here, asking him if these things he sees communicate with him and tell him to do or say or eat things might be a bad idea.

He also might be on drugs and he might be reaching out for help to get into rehab, in which case, she should offer to go with him to be checked in.
It also might be some sort of religious experience where, well, you have to just nod and say "O.k, you see things that nobody else can see" and hope that it all just works out.

2. He sees events that other people don't get to see.

He does a fair bit of travelling and so maybe he meets people or sees weird things that other people don't get to see. Either they are troubling him or he is bragging.

3. He experiences a situation in a way that other people don't experience it.

Perhaps he feels very unique in the way he experiences things or people and assumes that nobody else could possibly experience what he does.

4. He has a very rare and unusual eye condition

He sees everything in an obscure way because there are green dots/pink elephants/giant daggers across/next to/in everything he sees. This could be most unsettling I suppose but in time, he'd probably get used to it and even switch off to it.

Those really seem like the only possible explanations for his statement and i'm guessing that it's most likely the first one. The poor guy!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

More random ramblings - rock buns, freaking out and invites

A few years ago there was a baking accident. It wasn't my baking accident but I was witness to it. I think they were some sort of cheese scones or something similar and so they were dubbed "Rock buns" and the baker was advised to donate them to the traffic department as roadworks barriers. I only thought about this today because I was wondering why we needed nerves in our teeth besides to prevent damage. I'd rather have a tiny alarm in my teeth instead of nerves to be honest.

I can't remember the recipe that was used to make these memorable rock buns but should you wish to duplicate this, I think just halve your liquid amount, increase your flour amount by about a third and bake for an extra 20 minutes.

Another thing related to baked goods that were used for other purposes was Christmas cake. I can't remember why exactly it wasn't eaten but it fell on the floor or it was stale or something was wrong. I think it was very dry. Anyway, so on a hot evening when some rowdy students were being extra rowdy, a friend and I wet this Christmas cake and took chunks of it and rolled it into soggy balls to throw at the noise makers who were keeping everyone awake at all hours.

One of my friend's neighbours complained about the same thing and so we walked over to their apartment and offered them some soggy Christmas cake balls to throw at the passing students. The neighbours didn't throw the cake balls, instead they ate them! They ate the soggy cake balls that had been rolled with dirty hands and they said that they were delicious! We couldn't bare to tell them why we would never have eaten them. It was terrible but funny at the same time.

My one bridesmaid is totally freaking out at her plans for my bachelorette party. I'm not sure why, it's most peculiar, but she's wound herself up so tightly about it that I think we might need to tranquilize her on the night with a tranq. gun.

I have my sample wedding invite here with me today and I can't stop looking at it. Sigh! So stunning! This was done by my other bridesmaid, Melissa. Mel is so super artistic and creative and she came up with most of the idea for the invite and she's cutting and gluing and designing all sorts for them and I've basically just said "Over the weekend, you just tell us what to stick or cut where and we'll do it." It is most exciting and once again, I'm very lucky to have such a talented friend!

That's all. This post isn't really anything mind blowing but it is my random ramblings and occasionally I need to live up to the blogs name and do just that, ramble randomly. :)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Sleeping with your eyes open

Have you ever woken up in the morning and your eyes were burning and were so super dry and yet there was nothing actually wrong with your eyes? I experience it a lot. It turns out that I'm probably sleeping with my eyes open. Freaky! Especially, you might find this weird that I think like this but anyway, imagine if a burglar broke in and strolled into your room where you should, for your own safety, pretend to be asleep (or hide behind the door with the dresser chair or bedside table in hand or even the entire dresser if you're strong enough or have enough adrenaline pumping through your veins. I think I'd manage the dresser, I'm capable of truly amazing things when my adrenaline is going.) but there you are with your eyes wide open staring into space. Maybe he'd think you were dead. That might not be a bad thing. But then again, what if he didn't and actually just thought you were awake and watching him? Yes, anyway, if you have an answer to the this dilemma, please let me know.

So today I didn't feel so well. I have some sort of weird bug. I thought it was gone and I went nuts and ate some pizza and some steak and some sweets and some more sweets and then this morning it hit me all again. The medicine was just really good and kept all my symptoms at bay.

Today I took some different medicine and man, it made me so drowsy and made me feel so disconnected from the world that I felt as if I was sleeping with my eyes open. I have a vague recollection of Di being super upset and me suggesting that we go for a walk during lunch. We did so and now I have a packet with a pink Spongebob Squarepants T-Shirt in it in size super small, which must mean it's for me. Di has the exact same T-Shirt. It was retail therapy for her I suspect but I can't quite remember. The T-shirt is very cute though, I would wear it.

Only now, when it's time to pack up and go home, do I feel more awake and STARVING! So starving that fat people are starting to look like hamburgers and thin people like hot dogs. Did anyone else see that cartoon? Loved it!

This isn't really a story but it does have a moral, lock your house properly just in case, hide your purse before you take nausea medication and make sure that you have nothing urgent on for that day.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Found - something to lighten the load

Have you ever found yourself around people who absolutely thrive on drama? Does it exhaust and upset you? Do you ever just long for quiet normality? A big reason I moved to Cape Town in 2006 was to escape from this type of thing.
The problem is that there are so many people out there who will bring the drama into your life no matter where you are, and so I found this online post by Scott Kalechstein and it made me laugh and laugh. I wouldn't send it to anyone who was highly dramatic as it would just create, well, more drama! :) Enjoy the read:


Humor: The Seven Habits of Highly Dramatic People by Scott Kalechstein
The Seven Habits Of Highly Dramatic People
By Scott Kalechstein

Do gratitude, contentment, and inner peace sometimes creep up on you and undermine your ability to indulge your anxiety?

Here’s a quick and handy two-step process to make sure you get your M.D.R. (minimum daily requirements) of worry and chaos.

1. Believe and act like your safety, security, and happiness are dependent on people and forces outside of you that you can’t control.
2. Try to control them.

For those of you who prefer to keep it complex, here are seven habits to develop that will help you go deeper into your practice and guarantee a daily overdose of adrenaline. Allow me to be your drama director as we shout out the traditional opening words… “Lights! Camera!! RE-ACTION!!!"

#1. Harness The Power Of Negative Thinking – Everybody accentuates the negative on occasion. What if I can’t pay my bills? What if I lose my house? What if I get sick? What if I’m alone for life? What if I’m in this relationship for life? But as your drama coach, I want to inspire you to master 'The Secret' by focusing all of your attention on the most negative possible outcomes all of the time. When this discipline has been achieved, you can relax into the certainty that you will always find something to freak out about in any situation, and fear will never abandon you again.

#2. Be Busy Till You’re Dizzy – Being too busy to still your mind and take good care of your body is essential on the path to drama-realization. Temptation is everywhere these days - health food stores, spas, gyms, yoga studios, meditation classes, and it takes courage to maintain abstinence while the whole world is stretching, sweating, chanting, and going organic. Remember, as our parents tried to warn us, engaging in meditation can lead to blindness, losing sight of all the things right in front of you to worry about. So wake up every morning painfully early, splash cold water on your face, brew up your caffeine, and go, speed racer, go! Have you answered all your emails? Who needs a shoulder to lean on? Is there something on TV? Always make sure your life and your mind are filled with clutter and free of those annoying empty spaces between your thoughts that can disturb your absence of peace.

#3. Have A Swinging Good Time – In the 60's and 70's, a swinger was a person who relieved the monotony of monogamy by attending a variety of extra-curricular relationships. Nowadays, the term swingers has broadened, and is often used to refer to drama majors when they are found swinging like a pendulum from one extreme to another, churning with the thrill of constant crises, skillfully sidestepping the boredom of emotional stability. Would you like to be able to create, at the snap your fingers, a soap opera drenched in drama anytime you want? All you need to do is to stuff your feelings till you can’t hold them in any longer, and then explode without restraint or care for anyone, especially the ones you care most about. As a practice, try being 100% nice and sweet. Stretch yourself to accommodate someone as much and as long as you can, and then take the lid off and let the steam out, like Mt. Saint Helens does once in a while. There is nothing as satisfying as having a good eruption after being good and silent for a spell.

#4. Leave Your Inner Child Alone Without Parental Guidance – When the child inside the adult gets scared, some really juicy drama can happen, but only if we withhold our compassion, re-assurance, and loving boundaries. When we can resist such mushy self-help nonsense, our inner children will wreak havoc trying to get those things from others, usually through some very exciting acting out in the drama department. When two or more people abandon their little kids at the same time, oh boy, that’s when the fun begins. The adults have left the vehicle, and you can guess who’s in the front seat, banging on the horn, flooding the accelerator, yelling out the window, and playing extreme bumper cars. Yippee!

#5. Set Huge Goals, Maintain Unrealistic Expectations – There is nothing more beneficial to your lifestyle than the habit of reaching for the stars, falling short of your lofty goals, and feeling like a colossal failure. Taking big leaps and falling flat on your face is paramount for maintaining healthy low self-esteem, which is the foundation of all good drama. Go for the mountaintop, and don’t look down at your feet on your way. One step at a time is for people satisfied with proceeding at a snail’s pace, always leaving behind a slime trail of serenity, gentleness, balance, and other dismal downers that drama kings and queens take royal pains to avoid. You can do better than that!

#6. Judge Your Judgments – Every human being judges, but only the ones who have learned the art of judging their own judgments excel in creating melodrama. Have you ever been known to shame and blame yourself for feeling afraid and stuck, telling yourself that there is something really wrong with you for not moving forward? Good! You are on the right track. Now, take your next step. Judge your judgments! Tell yourself that you should know better than to shame and blame yourself. Heap truckloads of guilt on yourself for stooping so low to the curb of self-criticism, yet again. This will make you quite an energetic downer that can’t help but suck energy from those around you. You’ll be the lifelessness of the party!

#7. Get Grounded In The 3 B’s…. Blame, Blame, & Blame – Blaming yourself has already been covered. But don’t rest there. Blame everyone else too. Life’s not going the way you want? Blame, blame, blame! Blame first, ask questions and take responsibility later, if at all. Appropriate targets are Mom and Dad, friends (if you still have any), your mate (if they are still around), the Bush administration, the Clinton administration, big corporations, small minds, and, of course, God. Self-responsibility can lead to issues finding solutions, which flushes good drama right down the drain. Instead, be generous with the blame dispenser, letting it overflow on everyone, uncontained, uncensored, unedited. Blame, Blame, Blame!

Affirmations For Good Drama

Every day in every way I am stressing out over everything, real or imagined.

Everything is working together to conspire to bring the worst possible outcome to my doorstep.

Life is against me and I am doomed.

This, or something worse, is now manifesting for the highest cost to all concerned.

I no longer have to work to create drama. Drama happens effortlessly and naturally, all around me.

Whatever calamity I can conceive, I can achieve.

I always have everything I need to manifest everything I don’t want, and all is hell in my world.

Copyright 2008 Scott Kalechstein, All Rights Reserved

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Ultimate Compromise

Some men just have it in them to jump onto a dance floor and look terrific. Some don't but do it anyway. But some just refuse to dance at all. Al is one of these people. Now while he swears blindly that we are doing a dance at our wedding that we'll rehearse and look good doing, I have yet to see him practice.

He either pretends to be sleeping, says that he'll do it later or is super nice to me in the hopes of getting out of it. I never force him and I've even given him the option of not doing the first dance ourselves but he insists that he wants to.

So, I did a little research yesterday and found a solution, which he has now agreed to... I have found dancing lessons that are held at a pub! Not just any pub, Alan's favourite pub! I could not believe it! It truly was the ultimate compromise! We start on Tuesday :)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

A hint of panic

Every wedding has it's hiccups and little problems, it's normal and to be expected and if a person plans with lots of time to spare, things can easily be resolved and worries cast aside. Besides, what's "The perfect wedding" anyway? What's perfect to some aint so perfect to others and what is disastrous for some goes completely unnoticed by others. So with this in mind, I don't panic about things. As long as I have a general idea of what's happening when and how much it all costs and deal with any sudden changes, it's all good.

Yesterday the lady who was going to make my dress at the end of this month just vanished. She was a very good seamstress and she was reasonable too. This caused a very slight panic as I now need to find someone who does a decent job at sewing and won't charge the earth to make my dress.

It took me so long to decide what I actually wanted in my dress and now I've got my heart set on it and I'm determined to find someone and not just settle for what I don't mind too much. That said, if anyone knows of any good dressmakers in Johannesburg, please, please let me know! I'm getting as many quotes and looking at as many portfolios as I can.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Wedding nightmares!!!

I have heard of people freaking out about all sorts of things before a wedding and well, I haven't been. We still have some hiccups but nothing that we can't resolve in plenty of time. Well, I haven't been worrying consciously anyway but apparently, unconsciously, I have. (When I refer to "unconsciously" I mean it in the sense of sleeping and in the sense of my subconscious.)
I have been having wedding nightmares! They're all really silly actually and are quite funny when I think about them afterwards but in the actual dream, they're not funny at all.

The most vivid thus far has been about someone taking my makeup and hair accessories out of the bag with everyone Else's and my dress miraculously changing sizes and my shoes vanishing. I was begging one of my bridesmaids to please just let me use her comb and she just looked at me and said "No,it's my comb!I'm using it, you can't use it!" and so I ended up tying my hair in half a pony using my fingers to "brush" my hair, I donned some sort of little, white pumps and my over sized dress and skipped down the aisle by myself with Alan seated on a chair at the bottom of the aisle laughing at me.

I had a quick look online to see if I'm alone as my friends also going through the wedding planning experience for their weddings coming up shortly, are not experiencing these things. I found that I was far from alone and most of them are very, very funny:

"In my dream, we'd just arrived at the church when we realized that I had nothing to wear for the ceremony. Just as I was about to have to walk down the aisle in my undergarments, my mom declared, 'Wait! I'll make you one!' So she ran to the bathroom and got several rolls of toilet paper. In a matter of seconds, she had fashioned a dress together out of it. So I got married in my toilet paper dress, and my dream had a happy ending!"


"I had a dream that I was about to walk down the aisle with my father when another girl shot out right in front of me and started walking down the aisle. Everyone stood up and burst into smiles as the girl walked toward my fiance. My fiance then took her hand and the ceremony began. I just stood at the back of the church with my father and watched it all happen!"

"I'd dream that I wasn't at the wedding; that my fiancee wasn't at the wedding; I was stuck on a plane; I was a werewolf; I was a vampire; that I wasn't suitable and her parents hated me; that all my family showed up (that was the worst one)."

One post had a comment that suggested reading travel magazines before bed. I have a few really nice looking ones so maybe I'll try that after I've had some chai tea and have ensured that my supper is tartrazine and sugar-free!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Why did I read that?

Oh dear! I blame my dear friend, Kristy for this. I discovered today that Kristykins has a blog and so I eagerly hopped on and read her posts and my day has been totally changed because of it! She mentioned "Creme brulee".

Two weeks ago, Nix was visiting us from Cape Town and we went to Carnival City where I had the most amazingly perfect Creme Brulee! The sugar was burnt to perfection on top and it wasn't too egg-ey and it was just phenomenal! Oh my word, how I feel like some now!

It is not fair to discuss amazing food whilst the majority of us are stuck at work with our soup and sandwiches and so for anyone I have caused to crave Creme Brulee, or soup and sandwiches for that matter, I apologise. Now go and tell the whole world all about how much you're dying for some and spread the torture :)

Monday, July 11, 2011

Wedding = $$$

I am very much a D.I.Y person when it comes to this wedding planning. There are some things you simply have to outsource to have a decent wedding but the things I am able to do myself, I do.

Some of the people involved in our wedding happen to be friends with particular skills. We requested a quote from them as we would with any supplier as they are pro's at what they do but they were insistent that they wanted to offer their services as a gift to us.
We were really, really lucky here and are very, very greatful to them as they're not just any old someone throwing a cake together or "playing DJ", they either have extensive training or have had years and years of experience, or both.

What I like most about these lovely people is that even though we were very willing to pay them for their services, they didn't see money-signs and decide to exploit us simply because the word "Wedding" was mentioned.

This sadly can't be said for everyone.

Getting married is meant to be exciting and fun and a wonderful experience and while it is, it can also be very stressful when you have a strict budget and you have people try and take advantage and it takes away from the experience. It makes it so much worse when it's not people who have any sort of valuable skill but just try to take chances. I encountered this very situation on Friday and I varied between extremely amused and absolutely horrified the entire weekend. Oh well, I suppose there could be many reasons for it but I don't feel like being subjected to exploitation for any reason and nor will I allow people of that calibre to ruin the experience for us. "Off with his head!" ;)

On the plus side, we chose the flowers this weekend and went back to our venue to look at the lighting and table size again to get some centrepiece ideas. It is so beautiful at night! I absolutely cannot wait!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Wedding website

I have been attempting to do our wedding website for a while now but I either end up with no time or I don't like the look or an aspect of some of the websites on offer or whatever. Eventually I managed to find one that I liked and managed to make some progress.
It is still work in progress but it's a start. For now, I've made it viewable to everyone but once we hand our invites out, I'll be password protecting it.

If you're curious to have a look, go to www.mywedding.com/alanandaudrey

Any bits of advice on how to improve it are welcome!

Yay!!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Global warming and the economy, sheep farming and the housing crises in North Africa

Are you reading this? I mean, are you seriously reading this? If so, why? If I were you and I saw the title of this post, I'd be like "Next!" because it's so dull! I mean, they're all important topics and someone needs to address them but that someone is definitely not me!

I've read so many people's blogs and a lot of them are very informative and well-written and they have a large following which means that somewhere along the line, people find this dull information very interesting or worthwhile reading!

I knew a lady who was interesting enough as a person but what she was interested in or found so fascinating was enough to make me want to jump out of a window of a very tall building. I listened and I paid attention and I followed her stories every time that they continued and I tried to branch my interests a little more but it was so bad that I started to dread seeing her. Not her fault but man alive, I felt like throwing cold water on her sometimes.

So, I suppose the topic states something and so I should continue with that something. Please do not take my word for anything I say on these topics as I am no expert. It is based on, well, on whatever I come up with:

Global warming will effect the economy by making us spend all our money on air cons. This will allow less money for food but that won't matter because all the food would be frizzles up anyway so there won't be much and because economics works with the principle of "Supply and Demand", food will be super expensive. We will therefore have to start eating air cons which will ultimately result in a form of evolution where we adapt to eat solid metal objects and slowly we will become less and less human and more and more um, something else.

Sheep farming is about farming sheep. Sheep are wool-ey. They make wool. You can't eat wool. You can't drink it either. You can wear it but not while it's still on the sheep. Some sheep have green wool and some sheep have blue wool and some sheep have pink wool and some sheep have orange wool and that's why there are different coloured jerseys.

There is a housing crises in North Africa. It's because the global warming forced the sheep to take refuge in the houses and so the people couldn't live with the sheep because they stink (the people stink) and so now there is a housing crises.

A "Fat Day"

The button of my jeans is going to fly off any moment now and hit someone in the face. That someone may even be me. Why? I haven't suddenly become enormously fat and my jeans haven't become extremely tiny, I just have too many pairs of pants on at once.

I had to pull the bottom pair up until almost under my arms just to get the jeans to actually close. I put multiple long top layers over obviously to hide my shocking pink, underarm pants but oh my hat, it's hard to feel completely normal like this.
I mean, you have these pants that are bunching up halfway up your torso and look like a fat roll halfway down your ribs and then a one-cheek looking bum and all the layers make movement so restricted and soon you feel a bit faint because something is cutting off your circulation somewhere but to find what item in the layered levels it is, is extremely time consuming and cold. Sometimes scissors are the only option.
Maybe that explains the holes people have in their jeans. Shame, they must've been in serious trouble when they cut through their jeans;) That or an ice-skating accident, which reminds me, if you're female, always shave your legs before you go ice-skating! I am not speaking from experience but I can just imagine.

I am so tired. It's from waking up 2 hours prior to what I should because my sweet Al needs to hear an hour's worth of incessant beeping to wake up in the mornings and already gets up an hour before me :) I am mentioning this to explain the peculiarity of this post. Not that I feel the need to justify my random ramblings to anyone but you may have wondered "Is she on something?" and yes, I am. It's called Flax Seed oil and Pharmaton. Lovely stuff!

I feel like chocolate.