Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Bullying disguised as "I'm just trying to help you."

Have you ever experienced one of those people who will point out all your faults, mistakes, flaws and make a big deal out of nonsense because they're "just trying to help you?" Do not be fooled! Do not stop and think "I am so pathetic and useless and awful and so-and-so is so wonderful because they have all the answers and are so nice because they're really trying to help me!"
If you start thinking that way, stop, take your hand, lift it up, move it as far back behind your head as you can and bring it around hard and fast and land it on your cheek! Sore? Well, it's just the literal version of what they, and you, are doing to you.

I've said this before, but deleted it after 5 minutes and now after some consideration and discussion with many people who seem to face this problem day in and day out, I can no longer keep quiet.

We all make mistakes, we all have flaws, we are human. It's not a free pass to mess up as often as possible but it does warrant a little something called encouragement and motivation. Through this, we tend to focus more and feel more enthusiastic about what we're doing and make fewer errors.

Motivation is a driving force behind productivity and productivity is what we're all, essentially, aiming for. How one is motivated is different to how another is motivated but there is one way that NOBODY is motivated and that is by screaming, name calling and overwhelming someone. This builds anger, resentment, unhealthy stress levels and a complete lack of motivation. It's obvious, why would anyone want to do anything for anyone who is horrible to them?

Trying to scare the living daylights out of someone to get results seldom ends in a good finished product either.

If you're subject to someone like this, don't get upset and annoyed and angry at this person, instead take some refuge in the fact that they know no better than to bully others to get their way. You should feel sorry for them in their lack of social skills and lack of common sense. Nobody likes a bully, shame they're so unliked. And then you move on and realise that while you may/may not have to tolerate them, you can control how much they get to you with their rubbish.

If you really can't handle it and have tried to explain how their behaviour is destructive and upsetting to no avail, move on, cut them out, change your phone number and never look back.

Guest Post - Tam

Auds asked all her friends for guest posts about anything we pleased and threw out random suggestions. Luckily Di and I have never had an incident with jam, or anything else...

I think I shall talk about activities. See, my boyfriend and I do Ballroom and Latin American dancing and he climbs and I sometimes climb when the heights are not too daunting and I'm feeling brave (not often - I stay on the ground and take pictures or belay - yes Gawie, I can now belay). So how does one combine these activities to find something that works for me, encourages fitness and builds strength (so the climbing will no longer be scary)? The answer - Pole Fitness!

No, I do not pole dance in nothing but a thong and those weird stick on things! (I don't know whether my mother in-law believes me) The strength work involved in pole dancing is used to create an aerobic and weight work out that leaves you exhausted and stiff (no pun intended). And if you don't believe that it's a real workout, go YouTube Zoraya Judd. She has a six pack that would scare most body builders.

So yes... I recently took up pole fitness and it's been fun. A tough ride for those of us who are not terribly fit and have no upper body strength to speak of, but it's worth every moment of struggle. And let's not even talk about the bruises....

Anyway, check it out if there's a studio near you. It's addictive

And that's me
Tamarah Johnstone-Robertson