Man abuse and people in search of answers

I look at my stats now and then and I often see a pattern. The posts entitled "a hint of Madness" or "It's ok to talk to yourself..." and "Are the voices in my head bothering you" seem to be quite popular a lot of the time. This made me wonder if someone or lots of someones are either concerned about their own mental well-being and are looking for answers or if someone or lots of someones are concerned about my mental wellness and are looking for confessions.
If you're looking for answers, this is not the place to look. I am a first year psych student who reads a lot about people and how we think and what causes mental illness, etc but I am by no means any expert nor am I equipped to provide any sort of guidance yet. But be careful about what else you read out there, a lot of it is written by people who think they have all the answers. Always rely on an expert in the field for accurate information.

If your concern is for my mental health, I can assure you that I am quite normal :)

The man abuse is also not on a serious note so if you're a man being abused, get help, this is just nonsense and won't help you at all.

Last night I went to Al and said "I want to try this salsa turn I saw on Youtube with you slowly just to see if it would work without you breaking my arm accidentally". Now firstly, Alan is a lot taller than me and very strong and he often breaks things by accident because he just grabs the item or bends it too much or whatever and so this turn required that he put my right arm behind my back whilst facing me and then lean it and grab my right hand with his left hand and gently pull which would, in essence, unwind me.

So we tried very slowly and it was great. So he wanted to try a lot faster. So we did and as he started pulling I felt my shoulder strain and my elbow click and it started to hurt. I tried to frantically untwist myself before I was hurt and in the process, I elbowed his right eyeball! Needless to say, the veins were all inflamed and bleeding a little and it looked a little like what Arnold Schwarzenegger looked like in Terminator 1 when he took his eye out. O.k, not that bad but it was red. I felt so guilty! He was hoping the socket bone would bruise so that he could go to work and tell everyone that I beat him but much to his disappointment, it didn't.

So now his eye isn't so red and looks quite normal but it's still sore for him and his plea for sympathy from the ladies at his office will be met with doubtful looks :) Poor Al! All that pain and nobody to feel sorry for him. Except me. But that doesn't count because I was the instigator of the pain that should warrant sympathy. Poor Bunny :)

A hint of madness

This wedding thing is getting to me a little now. There are little things that are either just not happening or not happening at the right time and it's frustrating and stressing me out a lot.

It's so silly, all this nonsense for one day. All the stress and organisation for one day that will fly by so fast. How closely do people really look at the bridesmaids dresses or the way you tied the bows around the chairs or the hems of the overlays? I've never closely examined anything at a wedding, ok, maybe because I'd have to be standing like right on top of whatever it was and that just wasn't possible or normal at the time, but honestly, are things really that scrutinised?

All these websites and magazines telling you how to create the perfect day stress you out.

Yesterday, I attempted to write a thank you poem to our parents and I really struggled. I don't usually struggle to write things, it just comes out but yesterday, I couldn't find what I wanted to say in the way I wanted to say it. I managed 4 lines which I'm happy with thus far and then I scrapped the rest because of the word "Gun" being in it. Nowhere in your wedding should you thank your parents for not shooting you even if you sometimes gave them adequate reason, ok, more Al than me ;) and that's when it hit me that I need to stop now and get back into my body and let the wedding alien go free :)

I feel like I need a weekend off of wedding stuff completely. A weekend to just spend with Alan and maybe go and have a picnic or take a walk or something un-wedding related.

All I want is for the people I care about most to be there and for everyone to wear clothes and for the people invited to know that they're invited, it shouldn't be this much stress.

Spring - My favourite Spring poem

The Budding Bronx - Anonymous

Der spring is sprung
Der grass is riz
I wonder where dem boidies is?

Der little boids is on der wing,
Ain't dat absoid?
Der little wings is on de boid!

My dogs are so cute!

Yesterday afternoon, whilst lying in bed feeling ill, I started eating a punnet of cherry tomatoes. My dog, Fatty, who is completely food obsessed, decided that she'd like to try one. So I gave her one. She threw it up in the air and chased after it and threw it again and chased after it until eventually, in her eagerness to catch her tomato, she bit into it and decided that it tasted really good. So she came back for another and another and another. It was so cute!

My other dog, Gubs, had no interest in tomatoes but instead wanted the baby carrots I was also eating. Fats didn't like the carrots.

It was so nice to be home with them yesterday. I was sick and stayed in bed all day barring getting up to get some juice or water and the doggies slept all day with me, barring when we ate the tomatoes and carrots.

That's all. It's just a post about how cute my dogs are :)

What should I do with my hair, dol?

No, it's not like a vain post where I want to know how I should style my hair for my shopping for Alan's wedding shoes tomorrow thing, it's what happened this morning.

I am anal about my hair. Yes, you may look at it and think "You are?!" and well, o.k, I was. I'm not so much anymore because I just couldn't be as bothered because you know what, it's hair, it's on my head and it's a nice colour and it doesn't resemble clown hair too much and I can sort of kind of control the frizz and so it's fine. Whatever. But I used to be anal about my hair.
I would pull my hair elastic out of my near-perfect plait that my sister had just spent 20 minutes doing because there were "bumps" and it had to be bump-free. Eventually, she taught me how to do the various plaits myself and told me to do it myself. I did. It was fine. Bump-free!
But anyway, that is not the story. In fact, it's not even part of the story. In fact, I don't even know why I told you that. I now look like a prissy cow who demanded bump-free perfection every day and subjected her poor sister to her rantings. Ja, ok, it was like that but then I once ended up with pink hair, way too short hair, hair falling out and you kind of just get over your hair in time, I suppose. But ANYWAY, on with my story:

So last night I washed my hair and could not find my hairdryer anywhere! I don't sleep with wet hair generally as I get cold and don't sleep well but I decided to crank the heater up and just do it because I was too tired to look for my hairdryer after investigating Alan's wrinkles on his face for half an hour. It's most fascinating to look at someone's wrinkles really close-up. I'm straying again. Ahem.

So this morning I woke up and my usually wavy hair was a mass of mad spiralling curls that were all standing straight up in the air! Now my hair is half way down my back in length so it was hectic! I looked like Medusa! No, no, this could not happen and tying my hair up was out as I had a whopping sinus headache to boot. So I reached for my straightener whilst still in bed and when it had heated up to my desired temperature, I started the fixing process.

Now when you don't see very well, your other senses develope to compensate. My sense of touch is very good and I often rely on it a lot at night when trying to unlock doors, etc. So, I decided that I couldn't see the detail from so far away and so i would rely on my sense of touch as I usually do when straightening my hair because you can feel the waves, or mad curls in this instance.

Unfortunately, my sense of touch failed me. In patches. I ended up with one side of my head having wavy hair at the top and straight at the bottom and the other side having a patch of mad curls and straight around them and well, it just looked like I just couldn't decide what I wanted to do with my hair today so I did a bit of everything.

I have since taken headache tablets and tied my hair up. I may not be anal anymore about my hair but I'm not attention-seeking either!

Our first salsa class

Last night Al and I finally made it to our first salsa class. I'd booked and paid for us to go to the full beginners course ages ago but something kept coming up and so we only managed to get to our very first class last night.

Al is not the sort of guy who jumps at the chance to dance, he's far more likely to stand on the sidelines and watch but last night, he had to jump in with both feet.

I was so impressed with him. Despite the bouts of swearing when he didn't get a step right and the warnings to everyone he danced with that he took no responsibility for injuries or loss of toes, it went very well and he even had fun!

It was so nice to have my dancing shoes back on and although the beginners class in very well, beginner, it is still fun to do something with Al and get back into things, albeit slowly.

I absolutely cannot wait for next week's class! :)

Change

Last night Di and I were joking about not stopping dead at the stop street. I did this the other day and was spotted doing so and got my first traffic fine in 4 years. I was most grumpy about it but it was my own doing so I couldn't complain really.

So we were joking that I could just tell the traffic officer that I didn't believe in stopping dead because nothing ever truly stops and stays stagnant, it's constantly moving. We went on and on for about 20 minutes with an elaboration on our insane theory that could get someone out of a traffic fine for not stopping and we were giggling away (we're so good at talking rubbish) and then today I thought of it again but differently. Not about trying to convince traffic officers of why they should not fine me but rather about things moving all the time.

My psych book said that there are theories of what shapes us as people, our genes or our experiences. Are we born with certain traits and we react a certain way to experiences or do we experience things and these experiences help to form part of who we are? I'd like to think a bit of both.

I am one of those people who can embrace change as long as it is good change. I don't like it when people change though, which I suppose is silly because they too cannot stay stagnant. Should I say, I don't like it when people let experience change them for the worse. Those that are strong in character seldom seem to fall prey to this but those who sort of flutter along and go with whoever says whatever generally do and it's very sad. I call them "wishy-washy people" because there's no stability, no true sense of self. It bugs me. I want to take them by the shoulders and shake them and say "Wake up! Who are you? Just decide already!" but they would probably think me most strange.

It was just irritating me lately as I've recently had an experience with a wishy-washy person who has surrounded themselves with nasty people of negative influence and they have thus absorbed this attitude as their own. Pity. They could have swayed the other way just as easily. Moving on...