Or at least, I hope not.
I often sit and think about things that have happened and I laugh and laugh and laugh until the tears are rolling down my face and there's nobody else around. I've found it to be better to do this alone as trying to explain what happened or how it looked or sounded in your head doesn't ever come out quite right and you sit looking like a real chop with tears rolling down your face and hardly able to speak from laughter over something seemingly normal.
Today I was sitting and laughing about some of my "escape phone calls" I've had when I would go on dates with new people.
These phone calls were meant to be a possible escape, should I need it.
Most women have these and most men know about them too. In fact, one guy even said to me, when hearing my phone ring, "Is that your "emergency" call?" to which I smiled and replied "Yes, it is." and answered.
What made my calls so funny were the people who phoned me. Never was it a case of "Are you ok? Is he weird? Do you need to run?", it was always a case of something so over the top that it was impossible not to burst out laughing. Now what sort of emergency prompts a person to burst out laughing?!
On one occasion, when I was on a terrible, terrible date with a scarily clingy guy, my cousin phoned me and did her all-too-familiar "HELP!!! FAMILY EMERGENCY!!!" scream into the phone and I packed out laughing and told the guy that I needed to leave as I had a family emergency. He looked very skeptical and said "Then why are you laughing?" to which all I could think of was to say "It's the shock."
One of the most difficult phone calls I've had to keep a straight face through was when one of my friends phoned me and pretended to be totally drunk to the point that he couldn't walk and needed me to carry him to his car!
Before I started with the phone calls, I'd get some of my friends to "spy" on me from a table nearby if I didn't know the guy very well.
This also had it's problems as they'd sit and make loud, hilarious comments or send me texts with comments about my dates taste in clothes or his bald spot or whatever.
One guy seemed to know a lot about women and their phone calls or "spies' and told me that I was welcome to bring my bodyguards and so I did just that, I brought 3 of my lovely female friends with me and we all had a date with him. He had a great sense of humour and he even invited us all for a second date :)
It's not meant to be nasty, it's meant for safety. If you go on a date with someone you don't know that well and it goes sour, you know that someone knows where you are, who you're with and will phone you to make sure you're ok.
I did this when I met Al too and he didn't even realise that we were being followed around by one of my friends. Maybe I should do it again with Alan, just for kicks and have someone phone me and tell me that something ludicrous has happened and that I need to leave right away. He'll probably look at me as if I've lost my marbles and I'll sit in absolute hysterics and will look like a chop.
When life gets boring, it's nice to do silly things so that you have something to laugh at later when life gets boring again.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sugar-coating it
This will make no sense to anybody but me I suspect and that's fine, I just feel like I have to get it out there.
I'd like some poly-filler or tile cement. Perhaps tile cement as we have some at home. I'll pile a whole lot on and leave it to dry for hours and hours. Then, when it's dry, I'll melt some marshmallows and put them on top. Then maybe melt some chocolate and then set it all in some jelly and then on top of that, I'll add something really sweet and hard, like toffee apples and then top it off with candy floss. That outta do it.
I'd like some poly-filler or tile cement. Perhaps tile cement as we have some at home. I'll pile a whole lot on and leave it to dry for hours and hours. Then, when it's dry, I'll melt some marshmallows and put them on top. Then maybe melt some chocolate and then set it all in some jelly and then on top of that, I'll add something really sweet and hard, like toffee apples and then top it off with candy floss. That outta do it.
Monday, February 14, 2011
I cheated on my Wedding dress and now I'm all confused
My Wedding dress and I were very happy together. We didn't see each other very often but when we did, it was always special. We just fitted so well together, like it was meant to be.
The only problem was that my Wedding dress was a little restricting.
After much thought, I had decided to get a reception dress to have the best of both worlds. Lots of people have these arrangements with their Wedding dresses and it works very well.
Unfortunately, my search for a suitable reception dress resulted in me finding a dress that surpassed my Wedding dress!
I didn't expect this to happen! I was totally loyal and loving of my Wedding dress and the thought didn't even enter my mind to find another but alas, it always seems to happen when you're not looking and now I'm all confused and just don't know which to choose!
Oh the dilemma!
Some may think badly of me but it could so easily happen to them too.
:)
The only problem was that my Wedding dress was a little restricting.
After much thought, I had decided to get a reception dress to have the best of both worlds. Lots of people have these arrangements with their Wedding dresses and it works very well.
Unfortunately, my search for a suitable reception dress resulted in me finding a dress that surpassed my Wedding dress!
I didn't expect this to happen! I was totally loyal and loving of my Wedding dress and the thought didn't even enter my mind to find another but alas, it always seems to happen when you're not looking and now I'm all confused and just don't know which to choose!
Oh the dilemma!
Some may think badly of me but it could so easily happen to them too.
:)
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The two year mark
It was at 3:15am two years ago that my dad passed away. This year is very hard for me for some reason. I sat and sobbed to my mom on the phone last night and even smsed my sister to say that I was thinking of her.
Things have changed so much since he died and I wish so much that he was here to share in things and advise me on things.
He taught us so much and helped us to be so independent but it's still nice to have that person around that you know you can go to and ask about anything and they will help you and be there for you.
For a long while it made me scared to move far away because I didn't want to lose my mom and not get to say goodbye or lose out on time that could've been spent with her.
My dad died so unexpectedly that if I hadn't been there by chance, I would never have got to hold his hand and hug him and tell him that I loved him and said goodbye.
I've realised that a lot of this has perhaps stunted me and while I may move forward in things like my studies and my work and my relationships, I haven't felt like all of me was really carrying on. Like I was stuck at an emotional point and wasn't able to move on from there.
Last night I was thinking about my dad's clothes hanging in my cupboard, the last ones that he ever wore, unwashed, untouched but by my hanging them up, and wondered if it wasn't time to put them away somewhere safe and cry or scream or do whatever and just let it all go and move on. It feels almost like a betrayal, like letting it go and moving on from this would mean that I'm forgetting him and saying that he's not important but i know that it isn't the case.
I've been so on my guard since he died and people who hurt me get shoved aside because I can't take it and I am able to move on without remorse because the bigger hurt inside drowns all the petty ones.
At the same time, I've also discovered who my real friends are and who aren't.
I'm going to focus on what lies ahead, the happy things, the good things, the exciting things not just because he would want me to but because I know that even if he's not with me physically, he's still with me every step of the way.
Love you dad!
Things have changed so much since he died and I wish so much that he was here to share in things and advise me on things.
He taught us so much and helped us to be so independent but it's still nice to have that person around that you know you can go to and ask about anything and they will help you and be there for you.
For a long while it made me scared to move far away because I didn't want to lose my mom and not get to say goodbye or lose out on time that could've been spent with her.
My dad died so unexpectedly that if I hadn't been there by chance, I would never have got to hold his hand and hug him and tell him that I loved him and said goodbye.
I've realised that a lot of this has perhaps stunted me and while I may move forward in things like my studies and my work and my relationships, I haven't felt like all of me was really carrying on. Like I was stuck at an emotional point and wasn't able to move on from there.
Last night I was thinking about my dad's clothes hanging in my cupboard, the last ones that he ever wore, unwashed, untouched but by my hanging them up, and wondered if it wasn't time to put them away somewhere safe and cry or scream or do whatever and just let it all go and move on. It feels almost like a betrayal, like letting it go and moving on from this would mean that I'm forgetting him and saying that he's not important but i know that it isn't the case.
I've been so on my guard since he died and people who hurt me get shoved aside because I can't take it and I am able to move on without remorse because the bigger hurt inside drowns all the petty ones.
At the same time, I've also discovered who my real friends are and who aren't.
I'm going to focus on what lies ahead, the happy things, the good things, the exciting things not just because he would want me to but because I know that even if he's not with me physically, he's still with me every step of the way.
Love you dad!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
It's only o.k to talk to yourself if you say the right things.
There was a boy named Suzy and a girl named Bob. Yes, those were their names.
Anyway, so this story is about Suzy and not really about Bob. They knew each other but it's not really related to the story at all. Bob just felt a bit left out so I had to mention her.
So Suzy grew up with loving parents who wanted him to be everything he could be, as any good parent would. Suzy's friends also wanted him to achieve and reach his full potential because Suzy was a clever guy who could really do anything that he wanted to.
The problem was that Suzy wasn't doing what he really wanted to because he was so busy trying to reach other people's ideals for himself and was so hard on himself and was filled with self-doubt. This made him angry and bitter and he blamed the world for his life not being what it should be and for himself not having reached his goals. He was angry with himself too but he didn't do anything to change the situation, he just stayed that way and was content to blame everyone else.
This is not an uncommon story and it is one that I've encountered with so many, many people lately.
It's always more convenient to blame everyone else but if you really have to stop and think about it, who made everyone else in charge in the first place? You did!
Like Suzy, so many people with enormous potential are stunted because they either A. Try to live their lives for everyone else or B. They don't believe or trust in themselves enough to get what they want and need.
I recently read an amazing and life changing book entitled "What to say when you talk to yourself" and it explains how to reverse negative programming.
Negative programming is all the "No's" you've received in your life, be it from your parents, your friends or even yourself. These "No's" breed self-doubt and inhibit us in a lot that we do.
Reversing that allows us to be open to positive re-enforcement and allows us to make significant and wonderful changes in our lives.
How does it work? You literally reverse the thought pattern. For example, if your thoughts are "I'd love that job but I'm not sure that I'll be able to get that salary" then you won't get the job with that salary because you have already decided that you don't deserve it.
To start to get that job with that salary, you need to reverse the thought. So: "I no longer feel inadequate and unsure that I'm worth a good salary". You keep doing this and always in the present tense.
Once you've done this, you can then start with positive re-enforcement also, always in the present tense: "I am getting this job and I am getting this fantastic salary!" and you keep going with this too.
This can be applied to every aspect of your life be it your relationships, your job, your general self-esteem etc. It doesn't mean that you don't need to work for what you want but the belief in yourself in essential.
I speak from experience. My life, at this very point, is exactly where I want it to be and I know exactly where I want it to go and it's going to go that way because I work hard and know that I deserve happiness and success.
Perhaps it sounds like crazy mambo-jumbo to you but what do you have to lose? The worst that can happen is that you look a little crazy. But then, isn't walking around being miserable and upset and doubting your wonderful self even more crazy?
"No" can be necessary at times with little children or even adults but it is probably the most over-used and damaging word out there and should rather be used with extreme caution.
Always uplift and encourage.
Anyway, so this story is about Suzy and not really about Bob. They knew each other but it's not really related to the story at all. Bob just felt a bit left out so I had to mention her.
So Suzy grew up with loving parents who wanted him to be everything he could be, as any good parent would. Suzy's friends also wanted him to achieve and reach his full potential because Suzy was a clever guy who could really do anything that he wanted to.
The problem was that Suzy wasn't doing what he really wanted to because he was so busy trying to reach other people's ideals for himself and was so hard on himself and was filled with self-doubt. This made him angry and bitter and he blamed the world for his life not being what it should be and for himself not having reached his goals. He was angry with himself too but he didn't do anything to change the situation, he just stayed that way and was content to blame everyone else.
This is not an uncommon story and it is one that I've encountered with so many, many people lately.
It's always more convenient to blame everyone else but if you really have to stop and think about it, who made everyone else in charge in the first place? You did!
Like Suzy, so many people with enormous potential are stunted because they either A. Try to live their lives for everyone else or B. They don't believe or trust in themselves enough to get what they want and need.
I recently read an amazing and life changing book entitled "What to say when you talk to yourself" and it explains how to reverse negative programming.
Negative programming is all the "No's" you've received in your life, be it from your parents, your friends or even yourself. These "No's" breed self-doubt and inhibit us in a lot that we do.
Reversing that allows us to be open to positive re-enforcement and allows us to make significant and wonderful changes in our lives.
How does it work? You literally reverse the thought pattern. For example, if your thoughts are "I'd love that job but I'm not sure that I'll be able to get that salary" then you won't get the job with that salary because you have already decided that you don't deserve it.
To start to get that job with that salary, you need to reverse the thought. So: "I no longer feel inadequate and unsure that I'm worth a good salary". You keep doing this and always in the present tense.
Once you've done this, you can then start with positive re-enforcement also, always in the present tense: "I am getting this job and I am getting this fantastic salary!" and you keep going with this too.
This can be applied to every aspect of your life be it your relationships, your job, your general self-esteem etc. It doesn't mean that you don't need to work for what you want but the belief in yourself in essential.
I speak from experience. My life, at this very point, is exactly where I want it to be and I know exactly where I want it to go and it's going to go that way because I work hard and know that I deserve happiness and success.
Perhaps it sounds like crazy mambo-jumbo to you but what do you have to lose? The worst that can happen is that you look a little crazy. But then, isn't walking around being miserable and upset and doubting your wonderful self even more crazy?
"No" can be necessary at times with little children or even adults but it is probably the most over-used and damaging word out there and should rather be used with extreme caution.
Always uplift and encourage.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The difference between a friend and just being friendly
Although it is impossible to predict any one's future behaviour, their past behaviour is usually a good indicator of future behaviour.
I have thought about this statement for quite a while now and have found it to be very true in my experiences with people.
A while ago, someone was having a debate with me on the phone and they ended up yelling "You just alienate everyone!" and when I hung up, I took some time to ponder this and decided that it was not exactly true.
I examined all of the people who I've cut out of my life over time or had some sort of major fallout with and each time, it's for the same reason: We met, became friends, they did something really big and hurtful, I let it go, we all moved on and then later, they did something really similar to the first big and hurtful thing.
I decided that this wasn't a once-off thing on their part but rather something ingrained and part of them and something that will repeat itself forever.
I was not happy to be hurt and have my quality of life impacted on in a negative manner and so I cut them out. Very rarely have I ever regretted this decision.
Cold? I prefer to think of it as self preservation and not wasting my time or energy.
I have learnt, after losing two people I cared about so much in such a sudden manner, that life can be unpredictable and short and that you should appreciate those people in your life who are truly irreplaceable and precious. The people who are nasty and spiteful or just don't bother are not worth my effort or bother. I love the friends I have now and I make an effort to stay in touch with them and see them as often as I possibly am able because it is important.
They, in turn, make the effort with me and I appreciate it very, very much.
When I was younger, I spent many a night crying to my parents because so-and-so was being so nasty and I didn't know why and I just wanted to be their friend. I remember my dad so often saying to me, "You'll find that not many people are actually your friend, they're just friendly. So, don't treat everyone like they're your absolute best friend if they're just someone that you should only be friendly to."
This used to be very difficult for me to accept and it hurt really often because people turned out not to be who I expected them to be. I don't find it so difficult now though as I've stopped taking it so personally and view it more in the light of "At least I know not to waste my time anymore" and I manage to move on quickly without regret.
To the few but wonderful and amazing people I have in my life now:
You guys are great and I am very, very lucky to have met such wonderful people! Love you all lots! :)
I have thought about this statement for quite a while now and have found it to be very true in my experiences with people.
A while ago, someone was having a debate with me on the phone and they ended up yelling "You just alienate everyone!" and when I hung up, I took some time to ponder this and decided that it was not exactly true.
I examined all of the people who I've cut out of my life over time or had some sort of major fallout with and each time, it's for the same reason: We met, became friends, they did something really big and hurtful, I let it go, we all moved on and then later, they did something really similar to the first big and hurtful thing.
I decided that this wasn't a once-off thing on their part but rather something ingrained and part of them and something that will repeat itself forever.
I was not happy to be hurt and have my quality of life impacted on in a negative manner and so I cut them out. Very rarely have I ever regretted this decision.
Cold? I prefer to think of it as self preservation and not wasting my time or energy.
I have learnt, after losing two people I cared about so much in such a sudden manner, that life can be unpredictable and short and that you should appreciate those people in your life who are truly irreplaceable and precious. The people who are nasty and spiteful or just don't bother are not worth my effort or bother. I love the friends I have now and I make an effort to stay in touch with them and see them as often as I possibly am able because it is important.
They, in turn, make the effort with me and I appreciate it very, very much.
When I was younger, I spent many a night crying to my parents because so-and-so was being so nasty and I didn't know why and I just wanted to be their friend. I remember my dad so often saying to me, "You'll find that not many people are actually your friend, they're just friendly. So, don't treat everyone like they're your absolute best friend if they're just someone that you should only be friendly to."
This used to be very difficult for me to accept and it hurt really often because people turned out not to be who I expected them to be. I don't find it so difficult now though as I've stopped taking it so personally and view it more in the light of "At least I know not to waste my time anymore" and I manage to move on quickly without regret.
To the few but wonderful and amazing people I have in my life now:
You guys are great and I am very, very lucky to have met such wonderful people! Love you all lots! :)
Double lives?
Some days I have these bizarre inclinations to look people up on Google and see what it comes up with.
I have decided that Google knows everything and that what it comes up with is not only true and valid but also a giveaway of what they do secretly. Like, double lives!!
So, I've caught a few of you out! AHA! :
Diana -
In this life - An office manager
In her double life - A private investigator. That makes so much sense now!
Janeske -
In this life - A media studies lecturer
In her double life - She's a "good girl...most of the time." Ahem. I have no idea!
Chantall -
In this life - A moving things around to make it look pretty for a horse racing newspaper person (I apologise, Chants, I don't know what your job title is)
In her double life - An underwear model!! Oh goodness. Who woulda thunk? ;)
Tam -
In this life - A boutique wine dealer.
In her double life - Um, it's the surname, I battled and battled. I found something on having crazy wild nights and homeless people. Perhaps that's what she does; Give homeless people crazy wild nights out or something. Like charity with a very unique outlook.
Al -
In this life - He's a Pastel and IT consultant
In his double life - An artist. I think he's taking this pastel thing too far!
Jarrod -
In this life - Um, I think a Java (?) programmer for Telkom
In his alternate life - I'm afraid that all I could find was relating to cricket so yes, Jarrod is pretending to be a guy named Jacques and plays SA cricket.
Tess -
In this life - An assistant editor for a magazine
In her double life - A concert pianist. Probably doesn't want to be bombarded for autographs so she keeps quiet. It also said something about showering without cockroaches. I don't get it.
Kristy -
In this life - A nursery school teacher
In her double life - A martial arts expert with 6 black belts! Now *that* I could believe! It's always the quiet ones!
Nicola -
In this life - Also a nursery school teacher
In her double life - A physiotherapist. I could imagine that!
Marsha -
In this life - Owns a daycare centre
In her double life - A home improvements specialist. I don't get why she has to hide that??
Morne -
In this life - I could write it, but he would kill me
In his double life - A stuntman. Hmmm...
Gavin -
In this life - Some sort of IT consultant but don't know the specifics.
In his double life - He's a dad who hasn't paid maintenance??? No! Let me look again... arrest and imprisonment?? Heck and I thought cockroaches were bad!
Even if these supposed double lives aren't true, it could possibly give these people some idea as to their next career. Although, I wouldn't really recommend them all!
I have decided that Google knows everything and that what it comes up with is not only true and valid but also a giveaway of what they do secretly. Like, double lives!!
So, I've caught a few of you out! AHA! :
Diana -
In this life - An office manager
In her double life - A private investigator. That makes so much sense now!
Janeske -
In this life - A media studies lecturer
In her double life - She's a "good girl...most of the time." Ahem. I have no idea!
Chantall -
In this life - A moving things around to make it look pretty for a horse racing newspaper person (I apologise, Chants, I don't know what your job title is)
In her double life - An underwear model!! Oh goodness. Who woulda thunk? ;)
Tam -
In this life - A boutique wine dealer.
In her double life - Um, it's the surname, I battled and battled. I found something on having crazy wild nights and homeless people. Perhaps that's what she does; Give homeless people crazy wild nights out or something. Like charity with a very unique outlook.
Al -
In this life - He's a Pastel and IT consultant
In his double life - An artist. I think he's taking this pastel thing too far!
Jarrod -
In this life - Um, I think a Java (?) programmer for Telkom
In his alternate life - I'm afraid that all I could find was relating to cricket so yes, Jarrod is pretending to be a guy named Jacques and plays SA cricket.
Tess -
In this life - An assistant editor for a magazine
In her double life - A concert pianist. Probably doesn't want to be bombarded for autographs so she keeps quiet. It also said something about showering without cockroaches. I don't get it.
Kristy -
In this life - A nursery school teacher
In her double life - A martial arts expert with 6 black belts! Now *that* I could believe! It's always the quiet ones!
Nicola -
In this life - Also a nursery school teacher
In her double life - A physiotherapist. I could imagine that!
Marsha -
In this life - Owns a daycare centre
In her double life - A home improvements specialist. I don't get why she has to hide that??
Morne -
In this life - I could write it, but he would kill me
In his double life - A stuntman. Hmmm...
Gavin -
In this life - Some sort of IT consultant but don't know the specifics.
In his double life - He's a dad who hasn't paid maintenance??? No! Let me look again... arrest and imprisonment?? Heck and I thought cockroaches were bad!
Even if these supposed double lives aren't true, it could possibly give these people some idea as to their next career. Although, I wouldn't really recommend them all!
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